with the humblest apology I can muster.

I come today not to rekindle old friendships, make new ones or even to ebeg, but with my humblest most heartfelt apologies. There were some of you who put up with my crap for years and tried your damnedest for me, and I spat in your faces. The rest of you probably just pegged me as the edgy teen I was. Like all other edgy teens I made everything about me; my life, my friends, myself. I'd like to think I've changed, but recent life events and this very journal tend to prove me otherwise.

Still, for whatever it's worth, I'm truly sorry to you all.

I'm not sure there is much else to say that won't completely destroy the purpose of this journal. Just coming back with my tail between my legs and letting you all know you were right all along. I WAS the problem.

















If you're interested in my ten year journey though, I'll give as concise a retelling as I can:

It's been hard, no doubt. Many trials have come my way over the years.

Since suicide was clearly not an option I was left with nothing but self-reflection. So I sat and thought but I was stubborn in my ways. So sure I was right I'd take everyone around me down with me to prove it. Then a major life event happened and, though it didn't happen right then, it changed my life forever.

So I've spent the better part of 5 years working on myself, which I'd like to say has seen limited success. My new motto is "try to be better every day". Though I will err, and continue to err, to err is human and I have to be willing to get back up and try my best to be better in the future. Here's to hoping!


I felt dirty leaving the old journal as my last say. Seeing as I'm still here it felt like I was lying. Knowing better now and not saying anything felt, for lack of a better word, dishonorable. No journal will be deleted, however, even though I normally would just for the sake of readability if nothing else. My shame should remain on public display.