gave it to myself, if it’s early enough it is treatable.

I’m still processing, i knew i was going down a bad path but i ignored it. i mirrored my mother; same actions, same consequences. waiting on an opening to an endoscopy center to see what needs to be done. I can’t afford it but i don’t want to die. Seeing what i Can do about insurance but likely looking at a couple thousand.

im also in (quasi)recovery from anorexia, i hate it. Hate how my body looks and feels. The discomfort. The hunger.
I dropped to 92 pounds during the first stage of my recovery due to hyper metabolism but it seems like it’s settling down, now is just the uncomfortable bloating, severe edema to the point where I can’t bend my fingers or legs sometimes, the fatigue and insomnia. I fall asleep when I get home and then I’m awake up until an hour before I need to get to work. Definitely makes work harder trying to scramble getting the case filled than icing cakes. I’ve given myself nerve damage, so when I get cold all the blood and feeling leaves my fingers. Sometimes three, sometimes all but one. It’s very similar to Reynaud’s syndrome.

My body image is wrecked and body dysmorphia is awful. I still see me at 309 pounds. It doesn’t help that the only warm clothes I have are my partner’s hand me downs since I can’t afford anything new and he wears a size Large in men’s, im a size xs. LOL

I’m just cold all the time. Really hoping my family comes through with my only Christmas request being a warm hoodie so I don’t die in the freezer at work.

thank you all for your support, I’ll be back to drawing once I’m a little calmer and not slammed with working 10-11 hour shifts, I’ve had two days off in the past 2 months and I’m just tired.

So tired.