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Explaining how I identify myself at the end of 2022
3 years ago
I don't know how to write eloquently or anything, and I have a lot on my mind so I'm writing this here. So here we go.
Most of you know me as Aria in some way shape or form, or by my moniker, Squishbold.
And most of you recognize me as the big shark that draws squishy things and is edgy and shit.
For a while I've kinda been stuck with just being a shark or something of the sort to people, because that's what I've shown myself as for so long... but I wanna talk about myself and my identity as whole because I've had a lot of time to reflect on myself and hopefully this will relate with people. And if this bores you then you can just click off now I guess, idk.
I've come to terms for a while now that I hate the idea of being... "human." Humanity as a concept is... tricky, because you get into a lot of philosophical quandaries and blah blah blah, whatever. The thing I've always hated about my humanity is it just feels... bland. I'm a big nerd that loves DnD and Warhammer and all sorts of fantasy stuff, horror stuff, lots of media with big scary monsters and creatures and alien races.
So, with that comes the idea of nonhuman races, such as elves, dwarves, orcs, so on and so forth. The idea that you can be something other than the normal human intrigued me and I thought the designs of them were really cool at a young age. Or I should say, the more outlandish nonhuman races intrigued me. Because even elves and dwarves were still usually just human-ish features but tall or short or different exotic skin colors (like green for orcs.)
Fast-forward to my teen years, where I got really into werewolves and dragons and things like that, big beastly monstrous creatures that were fantastical and not as close to the typical humanoid race. This eventually lead me to furries, and the whole wormhole that is, and slowly I started to take an interest in characters and nonhuman races that were entirely different from humans. Sure, I like the humanoid stance and feel of some furry and monster types, such as dragonborn and lizardfolk and stuff like that. But the more the years went by, and my perspectives on humanity as a whole shifted (because I started to break away from my family views and Christian beliefs and such), I found myself loathing that I was born human.
And for the past few years, especially after meeting my lovely partners that have opened my eyes and heart to many things, I've come to terms with the idea that I don't have to... follow the norm and pretend to be a normal human that's interested in nonhuman things. Finally the idea that I could embody the idea of being nonhuman as a whole... started to open up to me, and it made me so happy to think about.
Now what do I mean by "being nonhuman?" Some people categorize themselves by labels other than human, such as therian, otherkin, plural, etc. I basically see myself as someone who would rather being some monstrous being than human. And you might say, "oh well yeah, furries make fursonas and they feel connected to them and all that." And I mean... sorta? For me it's a little of both? I've pretty much, at this point, created my sonas as projections of what I wish I could be myself. For a while I wanted to be a shark girl, or just a furry girl in general, I bounced around with a lot of ideas through the years, and finally landed back on shark recently, and really stuck with it. But the more I stuck with it, I realized I wasn't satisfied with just being a furry girl or shark girl or whatever. I wanted to, as a famous anime character you might've heard of said, reject my humanity... and become something that I felt fit my personality or mindset better.
This is where it gets hard to explain, because you have a lot of nuance here, I don't see myself as a therian or otherkin necessarily, not that I have a problem with the people that do identify as that. But I just feel like... being a monster, or a demon, or just simply... a creature. Does that mean I literally wanna be an animal that goes around with less-than-human intelligence or blah blah blah like some shitheads think furries wanna do? No, not really. I value my intelligence (even if I'm a dumbass) and rather I'd like to simply be a monster, undefinable as human or animal even, like something out of a fairy tale or fantasy story. Something that's big and scary perhaps on the outside, but isn't inherently just a big dumb evil beast either.
It's hard to label what I want to be, because I think to label it is to try and define it as something else, like "oh it's just an exotic fursona, or you're just a werewolf or something" and sure, it could be? But I think the idea at it's core is that I don't wanna be tied down by any single label or definition either. I am genderfluid, and pansexual, because I don't want to be confined by one single set of rules or definitions of what my gender should be, or who I'm sexually attracted to or romantically attracted to.
I think what makes me this beast, this monster, this creature, is a desire to be myself, the truest form of myself. And that is a shapeshifting, genderfluid, polyamorous, pansexual... creature.
I am a creature, and a thing, and it makes me happy to be that way.
I could ramble on more about how I maybe reached this conclusion, but I've already talked your damn ear off enough about this, about a topic that maybe you had no interest in and you're just scrolling through this bored. But this means a lot to me, and it's hard for me to express just how much it means to me and how I wish to be perceived as, at least to myself. I struggle with attention from other people in many ways, so if anything, this is a testament to myself about who I am... and a reminder to stay true to myself, no matter what happens.
If this helped you in any way, than I'm glad, and if you want to share any similar feelings with me I'd love to hear about the monsters and beasts lurking on the internet, so maybe we can go stomp through a city or something together, lol.
Stay safe out there, and don't let the world drag you down, meat.
'Till next time, have a wonderful hoilday and a kickass new year! <3
Most of you know me as Aria in some way shape or form, or by my moniker, Squishbold.
And most of you recognize me as the big shark that draws squishy things and is edgy and shit.
For a while I've kinda been stuck with just being a shark or something of the sort to people, because that's what I've shown myself as for so long... but I wanna talk about myself and my identity as whole because I've had a lot of time to reflect on myself and hopefully this will relate with people. And if this bores you then you can just click off now I guess, idk.
I've come to terms for a while now that I hate the idea of being... "human." Humanity as a concept is... tricky, because you get into a lot of philosophical quandaries and blah blah blah, whatever. The thing I've always hated about my humanity is it just feels... bland. I'm a big nerd that loves DnD and Warhammer and all sorts of fantasy stuff, horror stuff, lots of media with big scary monsters and creatures and alien races.
So, with that comes the idea of nonhuman races, such as elves, dwarves, orcs, so on and so forth. The idea that you can be something other than the normal human intrigued me and I thought the designs of them were really cool at a young age. Or I should say, the more outlandish nonhuman races intrigued me. Because even elves and dwarves were still usually just human-ish features but tall or short or different exotic skin colors (like green for orcs.)
Fast-forward to my teen years, where I got really into werewolves and dragons and things like that, big beastly monstrous creatures that were fantastical and not as close to the typical humanoid race. This eventually lead me to furries, and the whole wormhole that is, and slowly I started to take an interest in characters and nonhuman races that were entirely different from humans. Sure, I like the humanoid stance and feel of some furry and monster types, such as dragonborn and lizardfolk and stuff like that. But the more the years went by, and my perspectives on humanity as a whole shifted (because I started to break away from my family views and Christian beliefs and such), I found myself loathing that I was born human.
And for the past few years, especially after meeting my lovely partners that have opened my eyes and heart to many things, I've come to terms with the idea that I don't have to... follow the norm and pretend to be a normal human that's interested in nonhuman things. Finally the idea that I could embody the idea of being nonhuman as a whole... started to open up to me, and it made me so happy to think about.
Now what do I mean by "being nonhuman?" Some people categorize themselves by labels other than human, such as therian, otherkin, plural, etc. I basically see myself as someone who would rather being some monstrous being than human. And you might say, "oh well yeah, furries make fursonas and they feel connected to them and all that." And I mean... sorta? For me it's a little of both? I've pretty much, at this point, created my sonas as projections of what I wish I could be myself. For a while I wanted to be a shark girl, or just a furry girl in general, I bounced around with a lot of ideas through the years, and finally landed back on shark recently, and really stuck with it. But the more I stuck with it, I realized I wasn't satisfied with just being a furry girl or shark girl or whatever. I wanted to, as a famous anime character you might've heard of said, reject my humanity... and become something that I felt fit my personality or mindset better.
This is where it gets hard to explain, because you have a lot of nuance here, I don't see myself as a therian or otherkin necessarily, not that I have a problem with the people that do identify as that. But I just feel like... being a monster, or a demon, or just simply... a creature. Does that mean I literally wanna be an animal that goes around with less-than-human intelligence or blah blah blah like some shitheads think furries wanna do? No, not really. I value my intelligence (even if I'm a dumbass) and rather I'd like to simply be a monster, undefinable as human or animal even, like something out of a fairy tale or fantasy story. Something that's big and scary perhaps on the outside, but isn't inherently just a big dumb evil beast either.
It's hard to label what I want to be, because I think to label it is to try and define it as something else, like "oh it's just an exotic fursona, or you're just a werewolf or something" and sure, it could be? But I think the idea at it's core is that I don't wanna be tied down by any single label or definition either. I am genderfluid, and pansexual, because I don't want to be confined by one single set of rules or definitions of what my gender should be, or who I'm sexually attracted to or romantically attracted to.
I think what makes me this beast, this monster, this creature, is a desire to be myself, the truest form of myself. And that is a shapeshifting, genderfluid, polyamorous, pansexual... creature.
I am a creature, and a thing, and it makes me happy to be that way.
I could ramble on more about how I maybe reached this conclusion, but I've already talked your damn ear off enough about this, about a topic that maybe you had no interest in and you're just scrolling through this bored. But this means a lot to me, and it's hard for me to express just how much it means to me and how I wish to be perceived as, at least to myself. I struggle with attention from other people in many ways, so if anything, this is a testament to myself about who I am... and a reminder to stay true to myself, no matter what happens.
If this helped you in any way, than I'm glad, and if you want to share any similar feelings with me I'd love to hear about the monsters and beasts lurking on the internet, so maybe we can go stomp through a city or something together, lol.
Stay safe out there, and don't let the world drag you down, meat.
'Till next time, have a wonderful hoilday and a kickass new year! <3
