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Year's last journal
3 years ago
This year hasn't really gone as expected at all. I've thought this over a few times and the main word I'd have to use to sum it up would be "disappointing", primarily on the art front; I had so many things I wanted to touch and for which I hardly had a chance for. This last third/quarter of the year in particular was the worst for that and when I've had free time, the main thing I've wanted to do has actually been "nothing" and my drawing practise has suffered greatly for it.
At some point through this period I started getting pain in my fingers, my thumbs especially, probably because of a couple of things we had to do. This made a lot of common things difficult to do and at the moment it's sort of died back a bit, enough that most things are manageable again at least. It made me really think about art more than usual though, because whenever I have wanted to work on anything, there's been a mix of that and the tiredness and so trying to work on anything has been a real push (mentally speaking); in my mind this is probably always going to remain the primary issue with any short or long-term chronic pain and fatigue, the fact that it makes me avoidant (or unable) of doing things I otherwise want to do.
A big motivation factor cropped up during this time too, especially with regards to paid artwork, which I'm seriously reconsidering about taking on in the future, at least in the current format. I'm certain I've mentioned it here and there to people but the effort-to-reward feeling is only just barely there for me (except in some situations) and I felt worse about this, when, this year I saw a local artist's artwork and what they were selling it for (high figures that I didn't think were unreasonable for the effort-quality), while also actually selling almost all their original pieces. This artist obviously doesn't undersell themself and manages to make way more than a minimum wage on their work; it was definitely a year's work that was for sale and which sold, but the work I saw sold also accounted for a more than reasonable year's wage. And of course they'll still sell prints of the original works after that.
Sometimes this aspect of pricing really annoys me with some artists, because some have a technical level that's great and then they go and charge mediocre or even absurdly cheap prices for what they can do; when you have problems with energy like me, this just seems ridiculous, as in my case I only have certain windows of time during which I can produce reasonably OK artwork, nevermind all the time you spend trying to improve on technique, observing mistakes, deconstructing artwork, and as my mate reminds me, all the time I've spent learning art at school, tangentially at university, and under painting tutorship. Plus the actual focus required to draw and paint. After all that how can some artists (not thinking only of FA here) be undervaluing themselves? Even if it's a hobby, I kinda just don't get it.
Plus, all the time that I spend having to discuss the work with people, before and during the process, especially people with whom communication is either not as easy or who are vague; to some degree, I really do understand though, it's just the annoyance of me being unable to do something about it, especially when I already try to make all my communication as clear as possible every time.
So after all that, to then charge a final sum that often ends up being below minimum wage and which requires all that effort and prior knowledge and training, I really feel demotivated from wanting to do more, despite the fact that I like the process and despite the fact that I really like that a commissioner basically has a creative vision too that I'm (hopefully) helping with. Money-wise, I do much prefer to end up doing manual labour with some amount of thinking involved, because the effort-reward ratio there for me feels good, like actually good, even at minimum wage levels.
Next year, I don't know when I'll get back to doing any artwork, but judging by the current loads we have on, probably not for a couple of months. Sort of given up trying to figure out times accurately at this point. As you will gather, when I do return to doing artwork, it's unlikely I'll take on commissions again without completely rethinking how I go about them.
At some point through this period I started getting pain in my fingers, my thumbs especially, probably because of a couple of things we had to do. This made a lot of common things difficult to do and at the moment it's sort of died back a bit, enough that most things are manageable again at least. It made me really think about art more than usual though, because whenever I have wanted to work on anything, there's been a mix of that and the tiredness and so trying to work on anything has been a real push (mentally speaking); in my mind this is probably always going to remain the primary issue with any short or long-term chronic pain and fatigue, the fact that it makes me avoidant (or unable) of doing things I otherwise want to do.
A big motivation factor cropped up during this time too, especially with regards to paid artwork, which I'm seriously reconsidering about taking on in the future, at least in the current format. I'm certain I've mentioned it here and there to people but the effort-to-reward feeling is only just barely there for me (except in some situations) and I felt worse about this, when, this year I saw a local artist's artwork and what they were selling it for (high figures that I didn't think were unreasonable for the effort-quality), while also actually selling almost all their original pieces. This artist obviously doesn't undersell themself and manages to make way more than a minimum wage on their work; it was definitely a year's work that was for sale and which sold, but the work I saw sold also accounted for a more than reasonable year's wage. And of course they'll still sell prints of the original works after that.
Sometimes this aspect of pricing really annoys me with some artists, because some have a technical level that's great and then they go and charge mediocre or even absurdly cheap prices for what they can do; when you have problems with energy like me, this just seems ridiculous, as in my case I only have certain windows of time during which I can produce reasonably OK artwork, nevermind all the time you spend trying to improve on technique, observing mistakes, deconstructing artwork, and as my mate reminds me, all the time I've spent learning art at school, tangentially at university, and under painting tutorship. Plus the actual focus required to draw and paint. After all that how can some artists (not thinking only of FA here) be undervaluing themselves? Even if it's a hobby, I kinda just don't get it.
Plus, all the time that I spend having to discuss the work with people, before and during the process, especially people with whom communication is either not as easy or who are vague; to some degree, I really do understand though, it's just the annoyance of me being unable to do something about it, especially when I already try to make all my communication as clear as possible every time.
So after all that, to then charge a final sum that often ends up being below minimum wage and which requires all that effort and prior knowledge and training, I really feel demotivated from wanting to do more, despite the fact that I like the process and despite the fact that I really like that a commissioner basically has a creative vision too that I'm (hopefully) helping with. Money-wise, I do much prefer to end up doing manual labour with some amount of thinking involved, because the effort-reward ratio there for me feels good, like actually good, even at minimum wage levels.
Next year, I don't know when I'll get back to doing any artwork, but judging by the current loads we have on, probably not for a couple of months. Sort of given up trying to figure out times accurately at this point. As you will gather, when I do return to doing artwork, it's unlikely I'll take on commissions again without completely rethinking how I go about them.
