FA+
Shop
2022 in review; here’s to 2023!
2 years ago
TL; DR: 2022 was a shit year; burnout, depression blah blah blah. 2023 comes with a new home, and hopefully a new beginning! Maybe there’ll even be some art this year!
Season’s greetings to you all! I hope you have all caught a bit of break as we move into the new year. With a new year comes the time (for me anyway) to reflect on the previous year’s events and resolutions and strive forward to being the best version of me I can be. Multiple times I have written about getting back on the art wagon, so to speak. I really thought 2022 would be the year that everything fell into place for me.
2022, however, and especially the last few months, has instead been a difficult period in the long saga that is my life so far. As some know, I work for a small Contract Research Organisation owned by another overseas company as a Research Scientist in Biotech. Working in industry, as opposed to academia, has its perks, including reasonable pay (comparatively) and early-career job stability. However, it is still very much a high-pressure environment, with an emphasis on results. This can mean working well over my contracted hours with no overtime, bundled with a 1-1.5 hour-long commute each way on my part and, to be frank, pretty piss-poor management decisions being made by people who aren’t even in the trenches, which has not made the job any easier. I started the job in 2020, and at first everything was manageable.
But with poor management, came the inevitable staff turnover as people moved on to bigger and better compensating opportunities. But still… the results still need to be created, which means us grunts must pick up the slack. And again, initially it was fine… but it is no exaggeration to say that because of poor management decisions over the past year, we have lost over half of our workforce, and the number of incoming contracts has more than doubled. It doesn’t help that I like to think of myself as a perfectionist, and am also a “yes” man, especially for getting work done.
Things came to a head for me in September where, after having a week-long break from working with a difficult client, I found that upon returning to work; I could barely function. Yes, I was experiencing the dreaded “occupational burnout”. I was just so tired of everything, and looking back, it amazes me how, when you’re in the thick of it all, that I missed all the signs. Constant stress, weight gain, anxiety, lethargy, and depression. I spent most of September absent from work. Even getting up and going to work on many days was an enormous struggle. The on-site management was super supportive in helping me to get back on track and finding ways I could continue work without destroying myself. Unfortunately, their hands were tied by our oversea overlords, who did not really seem to know or care. It took a couple of months for them to even approve a bloody Occupational Health Assessment, let alone even consider any adjustments to make working easier.
The ball did eventually start rolling, though. A cascade of changes is being made companywide next year that will now hopefully make things easier, including some big changes in my own life. I now have flexible working hours and can now proudly say that I am a first-time house owner! I found a New-Build and receive a Mortgage Offer before all the interest rates went to shit here in the UK. I finally have my own space, rather than renting, that I can call my own. With modern build comes modern conveniences such as fibre optic broadband (550 mbps compared with ~30-40 mbps prior), I have everything on my doorstep, and am now only 30 minutes away from work. Which all contribute to making life just that bit more bearable. Now I’m still working the same job, with no pay-rise this year, which is a big F, especially with the increased cost of living this year in the UK (but I guess that sucks for everyone). My next big decision will be whether I stay in the job. I love the work, and I love the people I work with, but I’m hoping the management this year can pull their finger out and get their shit together. In the short term, I need to save up more money for a bit of stability (difficult for a while after mortgage deposit, solicitor’s fees etc were all paid up), so I’ll have to stick this job out for a while.
I’m hoping, with 2023 round the corner, this’ll be a new start for me to get my life back together.
This brings me to plans with what I’m doing with art, and my creative devours. Because of the above, I have been on a semi-present hiatus for the last few months, with only occasional doodles here and there. With a bit more stability now, I have plans to get productive again, but I must figure out the logistical reality of it, even with an extra hour I now get each day.
However, there is another priority I need to get sorted first, which is my health, both mental and physical. It shames me to say that I have put on hella weight this year, which I had been getting under control before this job but have now well and truly let myself go. I eat terrible food, and a lot of it, and I could never find the time (or motivation) to take care of myself with exercise; something which I used to do a fair bit. There also comes a point, especially with mental health, once the fog clears, that you have to put your foot down and say, “enough is enough”, and start making those steps towards a better version of you.
I will be going back to therapy in January, something I have not done since I was 18, and which, to be frank, is probably long, long overdue. I’ve struggled with lifelong depression and anxiety, and I’m surprised I’ve survived so far as long as I have.
Combining work and self-care into a manageable process is going to take some time for me to figure out, so art won’t be in the picture initially. I’m not even sure I’ll ever have the time to draw the way I used to (on my old accounts, many years ago, so people probably aren’t very familiar). I will not commit to anything in terms of schedule just yet but am just going to build myself up to something steady enough that I can balance everything out.
As for things I’d like to do, art-wise? Some more of the usual lewds, to start with. I want to do more pixel art, which is something I find very calming compared to the usual way I do art. Mobian art is still going to be a stable, but I want to try doing some other non-furry stuff. You may have even noticed a name change on some of my profiles, so I might think of doing something along those themes.
2022 has also been the year of my adopt fever. From the end of 2021 to now I have spent £2,200.37 on 72 characters, average just over £30/$36 a character, and yet I’ve not posted anything with them. A part of me didn’t really want to flood my profiles with pieces drawn by other people, and I wanted to find the time to draw them myself before submitting, yet I never did. I hope to draw them in the future, but there is another immediate problem, which is the amount of money I have now spent. In hindsight, not a brilliant idea to spend all that money, so I’m planning to make it back somehow. I’m not planning to sell any characters I’ve already purchased, but I thought it might be a good idea to sell characters of my own. I have a bunch of sketches already of characters I designed but haven’t done anything with, so hopefully I might do something with them. It is a good creative exercise, but I don’t want to flood my profiles with these adopts. Maybe just an occasional thing. I could also give Commissions a try once I find myself in a more stable position.
I also want to get back to working on music, my other passion. It occurs to me I haven’t released an original composition for many years, and that sucks, because I have quite a lot of unfinished pieces that I hope will see the light of day. Most recently, I’ve released a transcription of the Team Chaotix Theme from Sonic Heroes, based on a version I had done well over a decade ago. I’ve also been reworking the Team Dark Theme from Sonic Heroes (This Machine), which is about 90% there, as well as the Team Sonic Theme “We Can” from the same game. You might see a bit of a theme to these tracks. Anyway, I find transcription stimulates the editorial part of my brain, instead of the creative side, which is something I can enjoy when I am creatively bankrupt. Probably not too many people are interested in music, but it’s something I do more for myself than for other people. I especially want to work on character themes, wouldn’t that be fun?
Anyway, that’s enough for now, I think. I don’t suppose many people will reach this far (gold star for you if you did!). This is more for myself to reaffirm the path forward for me. It really is a journal entry, in the truest sense of the word! I know I am very verbose in my writing (very much like this in my RP days, but that’s another story), but thank you for being along for the ride so far.
Here’s to wishing that 2023 is a much better year! See you on the other side.
Season’s greetings to you all! I hope you have all caught a bit of break as we move into the new year. With a new year comes the time (for me anyway) to reflect on the previous year’s events and resolutions and strive forward to being the best version of me I can be. Multiple times I have written about getting back on the art wagon, so to speak. I really thought 2022 would be the year that everything fell into place for me.
2022, however, and especially the last few months, has instead been a difficult period in the long saga that is my life so far. As some know, I work for a small Contract Research Organisation owned by another overseas company as a Research Scientist in Biotech. Working in industry, as opposed to academia, has its perks, including reasonable pay (comparatively) and early-career job stability. However, it is still very much a high-pressure environment, with an emphasis on results. This can mean working well over my contracted hours with no overtime, bundled with a 1-1.5 hour-long commute each way on my part and, to be frank, pretty piss-poor management decisions being made by people who aren’t even in the trenches, which has not made the job any easier. I started the job in 2020, and at first everything was manageable.
But with poor management, came the inevitable staff turnover as people moved on to bigger and better compensating opportunities. But still… the results still need to be created, which means us grunts must pick up the slack. And again, initially it was fine… but it is no exaggeration to say that because of poor management decisions over the past year, we have lost over half of our workforce, and the number of incoming contracts has more than doubled. It doesn’t help that I like to think of myself as a perfectionist, and am also a “yes” man, especially for getting work done.
Things came to a head for me in September where, after having a week-long break from working with a difficult client, I found that upon returning to work; I could barely function. Yes, I was experiencing the dreaded “occupational burnout”. I was just so tired of everything, and looking back, it amazes me how, when you’re in the thick of it all, that I missed all the signs. Constant stress, weight gain, anxiety, lethargy, and depression. I spent most of September absent from work. Even getting up and going to work on many days was an enormous struggle. The on-site management was super supportive in helping me to get back on track and finding ways I could continue work without destroying myself. Unfortunately, their hands were tied by our oversea overlords, who did not really seem to know or care. It took a couple of months for them to even approve a bloody Occupational Health Assessment, let alone even consider any adjustments to make working easier.
The ball did eventually start rolling, though. A cascade of changes is being made companywide next year that will now hopefully make things easier, including some big changes in my own life. I now have flexible working hours and can now proudly say that I am a first-time house owner! I found a New-Build and receive a Mortgage Offer before all the interest rates went to shit here in the UK. I finally have my own space, rather than renting, that I can call my own. With modern build comes modern conveniences such as fibre optic broadband (550 mbps compared with ~30-40 mbps prior), I have everything on my doorstep, and am now only 30 minutes away from work. Which all contribute to making life just that bit more bearable. Now I’m still working the same job, with no pay-rise this year, which is a big F, especially with the increased cost of living this year in the UK (but I guess that sucks for everyone). My next big decision will be whether I stay in the job. I love the work, and I love the people I work with, but I’m hoping the management this year can pull their finger out and get their shit together. In the short term, I need to save up more money for a bit of stability (difficult for a while after mortgage deposit, solicitor’s fees etc were all paid up), so I’ll have to stick this job out for a while.
I’m hoping, with 2023 round the corner, this’ll be a new start for me to get my life back together.
This brings me to plans with what I’m doing with art, and my creative devours. Because of the above, I have been on a semi-present hiatus for the last few months, with only occasional doodles here and there. With a bit more stability now, I have plans to get productive again, but I must figure out the logistical reality of it, even with an extra hour I now get each day.
However, there is another priority I need to get sorted first, which is my health, both mental and physical. It shames me to say that I have put on hella weight this year, which I had been getting under control before this job but have now well and truly let myself go. I eat terrible food, and a lot of it, and I could never find the time (or motivation) to take care of myself with exercise; something which I used to do a fair bit. There also comes a point, especially with mental health, once the fog clears, that you have to put your foot down and say, “enough is enough”, and start making those steps towards a better version of you.
I will be going back to therapy in January, something I have not done since I was 18, and which, to be frank, is probably long, long overdue. I’ve struggled with lifelong depression and anxiety, and I’m surprised I’ve survived so far as long as I have.
Combining work and self-care into a manageable process is going to take some time for me to figure out, so art won’t be in the picture initially. I’m not even sure I’ll ever have the time to draw the way I used to (on my old accounts, many years ago, so people probably aren’t very familiar). I will not commit to anything in terms of schedule just yet but am just going to build myself up to something steady enough that I can balance everything out.
As for things I’d like to do, art-wise? Some more of the usual lewds, to start with. I want to do more pixel art, which is something I find very calming compared to the usual way I do art. Mobian art is still going to be a stable, but I want to try doing some other non-furry stuff. You may have even noticed a name change on some of my profiles, so I might think of doing something along those themes.
2022 has also been the year of my adopt fever. From the end of 2021 to now I have spent £2,200.37 on 72 characters, average just over £30/$36 a character, and yet I’ve not posted anything with them. A part of me didn’t really want to flood my profiles with pieces drawn by other people, and I wanted to find the time to draw them myself before submitting, yet I never did. I hope to draw them in the future, but there is another immediate problem, which is the amount of money I have now spent. In hindsight, not a brilliant idea to spend all that money, so I’m planning to make it back somehow. I’m not planning to sell any characters I’ve already purchased, but I thought it might be a good idea to sell characters of my own. I have a bunch of sketches already of characters I designed but haven’t done anything with, so hopefully I might do something with them. It is a good creative exercise, but I don’t want to flood my profiles with these adopts. Maybe just an occasional thing. I could also give Commissions a try once I find myself in a more stable position.
I also want to get back to working on music, my other passion. It occurs to me I haven’t released an original composition for many years, and that sucks, because I have quite a lot of unfinished pieces that I hope will see the light of day. Most recently, I’ve released a transcription of the Team Chaotix Theme from Sonic Heroes, based on a version I had done well over a decade ago. I’ve also been reworking the Team Dark Theme from Sonic Heroes (This Machine), which is about 90% there, as well as the Team Sonic Theme “We Can” from the same game. You might see a bit of a theme to these tracks. Anyway, I find transcription stimulates the editorial part of my brain, instead of the creative side, which is something I can enjoy when I am creatively bankrupt. Probably not too many people are interested in music, but it’s something I do more for myself than for other people. I especially want to work on character themes, wouldn’t that be fun?
Anyway, that’s enough for now, I think. I don’t suppose many people will reach this far (gold star for you if you did!). This is more for myself to reaffirm the path forward for me. It really is a journal entry, in the truest sense of the word! I know I am very verbose in my writing (very much like this in my RP days, but that’s another story), but thank you for being along for the ride so far.
Here’s to wishing that 2023 is a much better year! See you on the other side.
