It was going to be agood year, things were slowly returning to normal., and I had recived the best gift I cold eer recive and In return all he wanted was a smile for her...

Then a war broke out...

It hurt him, and we could only prey for everyone caught In the middle of It...

But things were still going to be a good year. I was with close friends, things were good, I had a friend paying for a commission I was gladly looking florward to from him, after two years of BS everything was going to be great again. I was with close friends, and I had someone I truly felt safe with, I was slowly getting ready to admit my feelings for him. I was even looking forward to my birthday for the first time as an adult because his stream'susual time startedat the time my birthday started, spending It with everyone who mattered In my life..

Then June 20th, the worst news happened.

We lost  Karavan to a tragic accident (https://inkbunny.net/j/455527-bbmbbf-krezz-karavan-passed-today)


Ever since then, tears have flown every day.

Almost every night I go to sleep that night repeats In my head....

I used to smile every day since Sally was born, never again have I ever smiled.

Unable to find closure, unable to be at peace, unable to deal wiith the world. As long as he was around, I could put up with anything., he truly made the world worth living In...

Then everone started to drift apart, my depression pushing everyone away, my desperation to cling onto as much of what's left of himas possible to beclsoe as I can to what's left....

Gone... It's all gone....

This year had the first birthday I cried on, the first halloween, and the first Christmas...

Christmas would have been really special with him, I was planning something big for hgim before his passing..

I cried on news years eve as fireworks went off, wishing we couldhave celebrated the new years together....


Nothing has eased the pain, no pills, no therapy, no alcohol, not even meditation or medication, the same nightmare keeps repeating no matter what I do.


2022 was the worst year, but for all the BS that happened that year, I would gladly put up with It all jagain If I got the oppertunity for a redo, just to have more time with him and have that one shot of preventing a nightmare from becoming reality again... I would trade It all for that oppertunity, I need him...

I' m sorry...

Come back to us  Karavan...