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I'm Alive (and Happy New Year to All!)
2 years ago
Hey-ho! It's been a hot minute. I'm yet alive and I want to wish you all a happy new year!
Before anything, I want to apologize to both randySoul and StrangeUsername for making them both wait months on end without an update. I practically vanished off the face of the Earth. The least I can do is explain the hectic past few months of my life and where I am right now.
For the past decade or so, I wholly dedicated myself to academia. Be it taking notes for 25 hours straight right before an exam to blowing off fun just to juggle my part-time jobs and my coursework, I did everything for the sake of keeping a high GPA. Because of my reliance on scholarships, I had no choice but to do so. As a sort of carrot to the stick in the form of a looming threat of expulsion constantly over my head like a Sword of Damocles, I at least had the comforting goal of eventually having a cat. It was not much, but it kept me focused even in the nights where I questioned whether it was all worth it.
Having gone through all that, I can wholeheartedly say that it was not.
By some sick twist of fate, I developed an allergy to cats right after having adopted my dream cat. I tried for 45 days to live with my situation but at the end, I could not deny it anymore: I had to give my cat away. On the day I did, I lost the last parts of who I thought I was.
You see, companies do not particularly care about a 3.986 GPA - literally one B+ costing me my perfect 4.0 GPA. Right after my graduation, I had difficulties finding a job in my field. I even went so far as to enroll in another pre-apprenticeship program just to have some semblance of hope. But seeing how little reward my efforts actually brought me put a damper on my willingness to pursue any kind of academic program again. That cat was essentially holding up my persona. So when I did lose my cat, I collapsed into a depressive episode.
For months, I did not take care of myself. I would go 24 or even 30 hours without eating and I would do this constantly. There were days where I just laid in my bed staring at the wall. Lying to my family everyday about how my program was doing and the pressure of finding a job constantly bore into me. Simply put, I lost all reason to keep going.
Then, as if I had insulted Life's mother, Life decided to hit me with an RSV infection. For an entire week, I had to battle with recurring bouts of 104 degree fevers. My nose was so clogged that I could not sleep. I would go 40 hours without sleeping, only being able to rest once I finally collapsed. It was hell. In that week, I had more than enough time to think about my situation - about the trajectory of my life - and so I decided to try again.
After recovering weeks later, I began applying to jobs like a madman. In a month, I applied to some 100+ job listings. By the end of the month, I had 6 interviews lined up in the same week. I was recovering.
Clearly, Life did not enjoy that so it hit me with Covid from my mother who I took care of during her own bout with Covid. It was torturous having to contend with it when I just recuperated from RSV not even a month prior. But, I persisted and when I was fully clear of it, I managed to snag a job.
The company itself is solid and I enjoy the core business. The pay's a bit low but since it's close to my home, I do not particularly mind. The people are fantastic and the atmosphere isn't too stuffy. I started my training two weeks ago and I have another four more weeks of OJT. Following that, my schedule will shift to my proper time of 10:30 AM to 7:00 PM.
I still do not have an over-encompassing goal in life nor do I have a reason to live per se, but on the bright side, I'm still living. I am slowly regaining my vigour and hope for the future. Hopefully, this year will be brighter than the last. I hope to return to making art after two weeks of getting used to my permanent time, around the week of February 13. It'll be painful having to relearn how to make art, but I look forward to getting back into the groove of things.
I apologize again for disappearing into the void for the past 6 months. Thank you again for all your support through and through. Here's to a return to art in 6 weeks! Catch you all on the flip side.
Before anything, I want to apologize to both randySoul and StrangeUsername for making them both wait months on end without an update. I practically vanished off the face of the Earth. The least I can do is explain the hectic past few months of my life and where I am right now.
For the past decade or so, I wholly dedicated myself to academia. Be it taking notes for 25 hours straight right before an exam to blowing off fun just to juggle my part-time jobs and my coursework, I did everything for the sake of keeping a high GPA. Because of my reliance on scholarships, I had no choice but to do so. As a sort of carrot to the stick in the form of a looming threat of expulsion constantly over my head like a Sword of Damocles, I at least had the comforting goal of eventually having a cat. It was not much, but it kept me focused even in the nights where I questioned whether it was all worth it.
Having gone through all that, I can wholeheartedly say that it was not.
By some sick twist of fate, I developed an allergy to cats right after having adopted my dream cat. I tried for 45 days to live with my situation but at the end, I could not deny it anymore: I had to give my cat away. On the day I did, I lost the last parts of who I thought I was.
You see, companies do not particularly care about a 3.986 GPA - literally one B+ costing me my perfect 4.0 GPA. Right after my graduation, I had difficulties finding a job in my field. I even went so far as to enroll in another pre-apprenticeship program just to have some semblance of hope. But seeing how little reward my efforts actually brought me put a damper on my willingness to pursue any kind of academic program again. That cat was essentially holding up my persona. So when I did lose my cat, I collapsed into a depressive episode.
For months, I did not take care of myself. I would go 24 or even 30 hours without eating and I would do this constantly. There were days where I just laid in my bed staring at the wall. Lying to my family everyday about how my program was doing and the pressure of finding a job constantly bore into me. Simply put, I lost all reason to keep going.
Then, as if I had insulted Life's mother, Life decided to hit me with an RSV infection. For an entire week, I had to battle with recurring bouts of 104 degree fevers. My nose was so clogged that I could not sleep. I would go 40 hours without sleeping, only being able to rest once I finally collapsed. It was hell. In that week, I had more than enough time to think about my situation - about the trajectory of my life - and so I decided to try again.
After recovering weeks later, I began applying to jobs like a madman. In a month, I applied to some 100+ job listings. By the end of the month, I had 6 interviews lined up in the same week. I was recovering.
Clearly, Life did not enjoy that so it hit me with Covid from my mother who I took care of during her own bout with Covid. It was torturous having to contend with it when I just recuperated from RSV not even a month prior. But, I persisted and when I was fully clear of it, I managed to snag a job.
The company itself is solid and I enjoy the core business. The pay's a bit low but since it's close to my home, I do not particularly mind. The people are fantastic and the atmosphere isn't too stuffy. I started my training two weeks ago and I have another four more weeks of OJT. Following that, my schedule will shift to my proper time of 10:30 AM to 7:00 PM.
I still do not have an over-encompassing goal in life nor do I have a reason to live per se, but on the bright side, I'm still living. I am slowly regaining my vigour and hope for the future. Hopefully, this year will be brighter than the last. I hope to return to making art after two weeks of getting used to my permanent time, around the week of February 13. It'll be painful having to relearn how to make art, but I look forward to getting back into the groove of things.
I apologize again for disappearing into the void for the past 6 months. Thank you again for all your support through and through. Here's to a return to art in 6 weeks! Catch you all on the flip side.
everythingdrago
~everythingdrago
On our road of life, we all trip. Alot of people just stay on the ground and don't bother standing back up to continue the trek but you did, you are strong. Congrats on your job.
Popsikul
~popsikul
The future will be brighter, i'm glad you're still with us friend :)
