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Daniel died - 29(30)/10/2022
2 years ago
✨ Maybe something interesting. But it is not exactly. .з ✨
―――――✧――――― I didn't have the strength to write about it... We lost.
It's hard for me to think about it even now. Writing is even more painful.
Dani started having vision problems. He did not lose weight (although he ate well), and his muscles atrophied, and ... In general, the doctor said that putting him to sleep was a difficult, but correct decision, since he could not be cured.
The last night we slept together, Daniel touched me with his paw every now and then. He demanded that I iron him ...)
I stayed with him until the end, so that he closed his eyes, but he saw me and felt me.
The lymphoma went away, but the side effects of chemotherapy were too strong. I don’t know how long he would have lived if we hadn’t given him chemotherapy ... This thought also poisons me every now and then.
Almost three months have passed, and I cannot remember him without tears.
I got a job just then, but it wasn't enough. The money was already running out, and somewhere inside I still blame myself for not getting settled earlier. Maybe if he had been in the hospital, he would have been cured... But there was no money left.
I worked in some kind of robot mode for more than two months, and now I'm going to quit. This work also unsettles me, and I no longer find salvation in it.
But I was able to return to drawing.
The main thing is not to remember Him. I feel disgusting at the same time, but I understand that thoughts about Daniel will drive me to the grave. Now I can't resist them.
I also want to return to treatment for a depressive disorder. If money is found ... I stopped it, I didn’t want to be treated anymore, I didn’t see the point. Now... You either live here or you don't. There is no point in moping, then you have to take it and finish with yourself. Fortunately or unfortunately, I can't just leave now because of my loved ones. So I need to be treated.
As before, in many moments I lived because of Dani. I kept fighting thanks to him. So it is now, just now without Him ...
It's hard for me to think about it even now. Writing is even more painful.
Dani started having vision problems. He did not lose weight (although he ate well), and his muscles atrophied, and ... In general, the doctor said that putting him to sleep was a difficult, but correct decision, since he could not be cured.
The last night we slept together, Daniel touched me with his paw every now and then. He demanded that I iron him ...)
I stayed with him until the end, so that he closed his eyes, but he saw me and felt me.
The lymphoma went away, but the side effects of chemotherapy were too strong. I don’t know how long he would have lived if we hadn’t given him chemotherapy ... This thought also poisons me every now and then.
Almost three months have passed, and I cannot remember him without tears.
I got a job just then, but it wasn't enough. The money was already running out, and somewhere inside I still blame myself for not getting settled earlier. Maybe if he had been in the hospital, he would have been cured... But there was no money left.
I worked in some kind of robot mode for more than two months, and now I'm going to quit. This work also unsettles me, and I no longer find salvation in it.
But I was able to return to drawing.
The main thing is not to remember Him. I feel disgusting at the same time, but I understand that thoughts about Daniel will drive me to the grave. Now I can't resist them.
I also want to return to treatment for a depressive disorder. If money is found ... I stopped it, I didn’t want to be treated anymore, I didn’t see the point. Now... You either live here or you don't. There is no point in moping, then you have to take it and finish with yourself. Fortunately or unfortunately, I can't just leave now because of my loved ones. So I need to be treated.
As before, in many moments I lived because of Dani. I kept fighting thanks to him. So it is now, just now without Him ...
