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Descent Into Madness
3 years ago
General
https://youtu.be/hfWA3zSBnsk
"Why do you always listen to loud music?"
"Why do you always have something playing in the background? Why can't it just be quiet?"
"Why are you always tired?"
"Why can't you focus like you used to?"
"You're becoming very forgetful, aren't you?"
Silence is torture when you're fighting off your demons. Silence gives them a voice. A voice you can't quiet. A voice that's so loud in your mind that everything else gets pushed aside, demanding you listen.
Well, less a voice and a maelstrom of emotions all at once.
I had always thought that telepathy would be more effective if instead of conveying a message, it could convey emotion, spiritual things, or intent. After all, how do I put everything into words? How do I translate that?
Constant vivid dreams, turning to nightmares.
Constant flashbacks throughout the day.
Constant fighting back rage/sorrow/heartbreak.
Constant dissociation as a coping mechanism.
Have you ever had such a torrent inside you that your very soul cried out in pain? Can you even fathom what that's like?
Ending my sobriety has helped to quiet the storm. But never for long.
Despite all my efforts of trying to sort all this out, nothing has worked. All the help I have received was just time and money wasted.
Reconnecting with my old faith has done nothing but breed frustration at their double standards.
I am not sure what is keeping me here. I have no community. I have isolated myself from friends and family. I rarely communicate outside of conversations with clientele.
I can't focus long enough to write coherently, and I get too frustrated to sit down and read. My mind is constantly occupied with these damned torturous things, and I cannot for the life of me quiet them down. If I can manage to will myself to sleep it's the same nightmare over and over again. The Angel there before me out of reach, then suddenly gone. Then I am left with the horror and despair around me, as I succumb to its will.
During the day, involuntary flashbacks and dissociation.
This isn't life. This could barely be called surviving.
"Why do you always listen to loud music?"
"Why do you always have something playing in the background? Why can't it just be quiet?"
"Why are you always tired?"
"Why can't you focus like you used to?"
"You're becoming very forgetful, aren't you?"
Silence is torture when you're fighting off your demons. Silence gives them a voice. A voice you can't quiet. A voice that's so loud in your mind that everything else gets pushed aside, demanding you listen.
Well, less a voice and a maelstrom of emotions all at once.
I had always thought that telepathy would be more effective if instead of conveying a message, it could convey emotion, spiritual things, or intent. After all, how do I put everything into words? How do I translate that?
Constant vivid dreams, turning to nightmares.
Constant flashbacks throughout the day.
Constant fighting back rage/sorrow/heartbreak.
Constant dissociation as a coping mechanism.
Have you ever had such a torrent inside you that your very soul cried out in pain? Can you even fathom what that's like?
Ending my sobriety has helped to quiet the storm. But never for long.
Despite all my efforts of trying to sort all this out, nothing has worked. All the help I have received was just time and money wasted.
Reconnecting with my old faith has done nothing but breed frustration at their double standards.
I am not sure what is keeping me here. I have no community. I have isolated myself from friends and family. I rarely communicate outside of conversations with clientele.
I can't focus long enough to write coherently, and I get too frustrated to sit down and read. My mind is constantly occupied with these damned torturous things, and I cannot for the life of me quiet them down. If I can manage to will myself to sleep it's the same nightmare over and over again. The Angel there before me out of reach, then suddenly gone. Then I am left with the horror and despair around me, as I succumb to its will.
During the day, involuntary flashbacks and dissociation.
This isn't life. This could barely be called surviving.
