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Ostriches
3 years ago
General
Bit of a vent:
I dunno if this stems from my lack of trust, or depression in general, but I’ve noticed over time I have a really bad tendency of feeling ostracized.
Like, when reading into situations, jumping into that kind of thinking over all else.
Often furs are just busy, like me, and times rarely sync up, but behind it all there’s this pervasive feeling that any lessening of interaction is a prelude to full-on ostracizing, only diluted by some kind of interaction later on, rinse-repeat; It’s really unhelpful of my mind and depresses me a lot. I assume I can’t be the only one saddled with thinking this way.
I don’t expect to have any long-term close relationships or associations, let alone close at all, especially drawing the fetishes I do. But I’m not helping myself any by constantly thinking stuff’s “over” whenever I’m on the end of silence for a while, but never the reverse; It’s simply unfair of me.
If I can’t get rid of it, might as well talk about it. I’m no therapist, and certainly could never talk with one about my main fetishy Furry part of life here, but getting thoughts like this out of my head and written down can sometimes help.
On a lighter note, drawing on the current couple of sequences in my queue is going at an alright pace. Got more lines & color to do before shading either of them, but every bit of work on them I can make time for gets ‘em closer to complete. Thanks for reading.
I dunno if this stems from my lack of trust, or depression in general, but I’ve noticed over time I have a really bad tendency of feeling ostracized.
Like, when reading into situations, jumping into that kind of thinking over all else.
Often furs are just busy, like me, and times rarely sync up, but behind it all there’s this pervasive feeling that any lessening of interaction is a prelude to full-on ostracizing, only diluted by some kind of interaction later on, rinse-repeat; It’s really unhelpful of my mind and depresses me a lot. I assume I can’t be the only one saddled with thinking this way.
I don’t expect to have any long-term close relationships or associations, let alone close at all, especially drawing the fetishes I do. But I’m not helping myself any by constantly thinking stuff’s “over” whenever I’m on the end of silence for a while, but never the reverse; It’s simply unfair of me.
If I can’t get rid of it, might as well talk about it. I’m no therapist, and certainly could never talk with one about my main fetishy Furry part of life here, but getting thoughts like this out of my head and written down can sometimes help.
On a lighter note, drawing on the current couple of sequences in my queue is going at an alright pace. Got more lines & color to do before shading either of them, but every bit of work on them I can make time for gets ‘em closer to complete. Thanks for reading.
On another hand, I've probably caused it too. Sometimes I'll see old comments I've left and feel a disconnect from whatever context I wrote them in. Or comments I didn't respond to months ago; Maybe I couldn't think of anything to say, maybe it was a wrong time and I was clearing out mail, missing them. But even if I don't know, the possibility is a regret.
Tho again, it's all internal. Mentally running around in anxious circles like a feedback loop. And more often than not, nearly every time in fact, it just turns out to be something completely mild. Just usual busy lives, unintentional stuff. Such a weird thing for the brain to do.
Anyways, thankyu Bud, much appreciated. :3
I hope you'll be able to find some sort of mechanism to help you through these doubtful moods.
Sometimes, I end up editing anything I do send out over and over, and if left silent long enough I might just delete the whole thing, and hope whatever it was I wrote was never seen.
It's a weird mental cycle, especially if to furs that give no reason to feel unsafe around. The fear of losing such nice connections, when I finally realize how nice it is, is so intense, makes these socially self-destructive thoughts/doubts bubble to the surface.
I don't have any solutions of course, but at least we're not alone in talking about this.
One point I was trying to make this relationship work, but instead I got blocked, I don't know what I did, but I may try too hard.
Beside Furry and fetish, it's hard enough that I have to mask myself for being on Autism.
So a lot times I thought is there something wrong with me, or did I chose to be isolated if socialising and expectation is too much for me.
I don't know if I described it well enough in the journal, but my issue revolves around having no real eeason to worry, nothing bad has actually happened, but during a silence in communicating, after a while I start filling in gaps with stuff that makes me worry. It esclates and effects me emotionally, but is entirely internal/in my own head.
It's important to find a balance, I'm still trying my best to work through it. I've got plenty of regrets, but can't change the past, can only try to make better associations going forward. I hope you find a balance in your situations.
....Anyway, sorry about the rant. I wanted to share my experience because I'm kind of glad not alone in the ostracized. And it's all in my head that I can change my habit for the good.
Thank you, and hope you find the balance too.