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I don't know what else to do
2 years ago
I'm honestly very stressed these days and I'm afraid that this will become a blockartistic
In these last few months I saw that my reach dropped and that worried me but I thought it was temporary because the end of the year with parties | beginning of the year I think it is difficult for everyone because of expenses, travel and etc.
But I'm afraid that this will stay for a while longer and I won't be able to keep my things and need to go back to my mother's house [in past journals you can follow my "tragetory" and what I had to go through with a narcissistic mother ]
In December I went for an evaluation with the neuropsychologist at the request of the psychiatrist I received the diagnosis that I have ADHD and ASD [autistic spectrum disorder] and I was floored, for 23 years I have these problems and if I had been diagnosed earlier I could have avoided it humiliations and hurts, I knew there was something strange about me but I didn't expect "confirmation" of it, even more so now that I'm an adult. The good part is that I can pursue my rights as an autistic person the bad part is that it depends on ''justice of my country to grant me my rights'' and it will take time.
I really apologize to you who are reading this but I need to vent a little more ...
I don't like to talk about the problems in my personal life, it gives the impression that I'm victimizing myself when I say something and it eats away at me if I don't expose it: it's a harrowing session of not feeling good enough at anything, procrastinating most of the time , doubting your abilities, needing approval from others to see if I'm doing the right thing and feeling misunderstood most of the time and that doesn't just creep into my artistic side, but also in many aspects of my life as a person existing, girlfriend, friend and etc
It's hell thinking too much in your head creates problems that don't exist and the bad part is that all the things I do I'm already losing the will to do and isolating myself more and more and with a huge fear of succumbing to depression again
I swear I'm pushing myself by going to therapy, practicing my skills more, trying to be an |artistic|person| best friend, practicing exercises but to be honest I'm getting tired
Anyway sorry about that [then I delete it]
In these last few months I saw that my reach dropped and that worried me but I thought it was temporary because the end of the year with parties | beginning of the year I think it is difficult for everyone because of expenses, travel and etc.
But I'm afraid that this will stay for a while longer and I won't be able to keep my things and need to go back to my mother's house [in past journals you can follow my "tragetory" and what I had to go through with a narcissistic mother ]
In December I went for an evaluation with the neuropsychologist at the request of the psychiatrist I received the diagnosis that I have ADHD and ASD [autistic spectrum disorder] and I was floored, for 23 years I have these problems and if I had been diagnosed earlier I could have avoided it humiliations and hurts, I knew there was something strange about me but I didn't expect "confirmation" of it, even more so now that I'm an adult. The good part is that I can pursue my rights as an autistic person the bad part is that it depends on ''justice of my country to grant me my rights'' and it will take time.
I really apologize to you who are reading this but I need to vent a little more ...
I don't like to talk about the problems in my personal life, it gives the impression that I'm victimizing myself when I say something and it eats away at me if I don't expose it: it's a harrowing session of not feeling good enough at anything, procrastinating most of the time , doubting your abilities, needing approval from others to see if I'm doing the right thing and feeling misunderstood most of the time and that doesn't just creep into my artistic side, but also in many aspects of my life as a person existing, girlfriend, friend and etc
It's hell thinking too much in your head creates problems that don't exist and the bad part is that all the things I do I'm already losing the will to do and isolating myself more and more and with a huge fear of succumbing to depression again
I swear I'm pushing myself by going to therapy, practicing my skills more, trying to be an |artistic|person| best friend, practicing exercises but to be honest I'm getting tired
Anyway sorry about that [then I delete it]
But we are all still here for you and want to continue to support you. Don't give in to negative thoughts and things; keep moving one step forward at a time and I am sure you'll make it through. We're right here cheering you on the whole way, boss!
I believ you are trying the best you can