A thing which I hoped that won't happen soon, happened.

Grandmother from my mother's side passed away today. She was hospitalized two days ago but I hoped that won't be so severe. I hoped that she was just tired and after few days, she will be back in the cottage where she lived with man who was a second husband for her. That I'm going to see her again.

My mother and her boyfriend went yesterday to the family friends' cottage, so I didn't knew what was going on when her sister (my aunt) called her to arrive to the hospital as soon as possible.
Mother's boyfriend arrived about a half-a-hour ago to tell me about it. He told me that I was lucky to not see my grandmother in the state she was on her deathbed. That I at least is going to remember in her bring side and not as dying old woman. However, I feel regret that I wasn't by her side when she left this world, even if she wouln't be able to recognize me in her state she was.

I want to cry, but I can't. only thing I was able to do was to scream.