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Sorry for the absence/silence...
2 years ago
Ok so, I know I've been very silent I guess. Barely made any uploads, not even the seasonal ones. Not stayed in touch with friends, not done my work.
I'm afraid that I once more had to deal with really crippling depression and anxiety, and I hate having to excuse myself like this. My life was once more turned upside down and sent me on a wild ride where I could barely hang on, let alone affect much of anything. In a way, I wish that more of this shit was my fault, because at least then I could change something and make shit work. But all of whats been going on has been out of my hands, out of my control and it has made me feel so fucking... powerless, inadequate and helpless.
I've been in a very dark place again where I stopped doing all the things I enjoy, except watch YouTube and game on occasion. All other hobbies, even cooking which is my big passion slowly fizzled out. I just finished cleaning out my submission feed here, which was almost 18 000. Last time I did was August 20th, 2022.
Anyhow, since then I've been going to a therapist and he eventually put me into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which I'm still undertaking. And I'm now trying to get some structure back into my life:
1. I want to be more active with friends and on my Discord Server. Chatting and sharing art daily. Maybe hang out in VC.
2. Be more active in IRL activities.
3. Keep uploading art and stories here once a week, I aim for every Wednesday.
4. Return to working on my designs and stories.
In the coming days I'll upload 2 winter themed pics before winter is actually over xD And then I'll try to return to my "normal" schedule.
I hope I'll see you all around more. Sorry again for being so absent and silent.
I'm afraid that I once more had to deal with really crippling depression and anxiety, and I hate having to excuse myself like this. My life was once more turned upside down and sent me on a wild ride where I could barely hang on, let alone affect much of anything. In a way, I wish that more of this shit was my fault, because at least then I could change something and make shit work. But all of whats been going on has been out of my hands, out of my control and it has made me feel so fucking... powerless, inadequate and helpless.
I've been in a very dark place again where I stopped doing all the things I enjoy, except watch YouTube and game on occasion. All other hobbies, even cooking which is my big passion slowly fizzled out. I just finished cleaning out my submission feed here, which was almost 18 000. Last time I did was August 20th, 2022.
Anyhow, since then I've been going to a therapist and he eventually put me into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which I'm still undertaking. And I'm now trying to get some structure back into my life:
1. I want to be more active with friends and on my Discord Server. Chatting and sharing art daily. Maybe hang out in VC.
2. Be more active in IRL activities.
3. Keep uploading art and stories here once a week, I aim for every Wednesday.
4. Return to working on my designs and stories.
In the coming days I'll upload 2 winter themed pics before winter is actually over xD And then I'll try to return to my "normal" schedule.
I hope I'll see you all around more. Sorry again for being so absent and silent.
While I don’t have depression so I’ll probably never understand on a personal level what it’s like, I can see what it can do to people. My mother sister have it, and I have spent the weekend with sis working through the days supporting her and just trying to keep her engaged and have as many laughs and fun with her as possible, just until her next appointment. Cuz I know as you say, depressed people can’t or at least struggle to find any enjoyment in subjects or hobbies they’re most passionate about.
You just do what you need to do to get yourself through this. No rush and no pressure, and take your time.
You have my support, even if it may be a bit lackluster at times :”D
I do take my time, but part of recovery is scheduling myself to get things done, one step at a time :) And thank you I appreciate it