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For whomever needs to hear it
a year ago
So today has been onehelluva day. But in a good sense. Sorta.
For the longest time I feel like I've been stuck in a trench. Treading water, stuck in the mud. That no matter where I try to go, or how, or whatever I do, I'm just stuck. The people around me seemingly glide by effortlessly as if rolling down the highway. I know thats probably not the case, but sometimes I get that impression. Meanwhile I'm struggling to make ends meet, fighting to stay afloat, to stay alive. Everything seems pointless. The world is getting worse and worse, I'm sinking deeper and deeper into the mud and nothing ever changes for the better. I've tried every gadget, every gun in my arsenal. Nothing works.
The only reason I haven't given up is that deep down I know that if I don't try at all, I will drown in the mud. The Gods know how many times I've taken my walks through the woods alone, listening to music and crying out my desperation and frustration. It feels pointless to even try, but if I don't, I'm guaranteed failure. I'm playing in a lottery rigged to my disadvantage, but if I don't play I'll never get anything.
Sound familiar?
So comes the point I wanted to make. You're not alone, and your friends - even seemingly distant ones - are more than willing to help you. I never wanted to ask for help from all my friends riding down that fancy highway, because I didn't want them to get stuck in the mud too. Heck, I didn't even want them to risk getting dirty. It's my shit, my dirt, so up to me to handle it, right? Now, I'm an incredibly lucky individual who have such good friends that they stopped and insisted on helping me. Others were also more than willing to help, and all I had to do was humble myself enough to ask.
There is an old saying; "if you ask God to move a mountain for you, you have to be prepared for him to give you a shovel." Today was one of those moments. Thanks to the new opportunities in my life, earned through blood, sweat, tears and good friendships, I could make a major change.
My old job was few hours, minimum wage and I was abused at my workplace. Today was my last day there. I spent my last hours writing down a set of instructions for whoever will replace me and walked out. But here's the kicker: my new job isn't that great either. But its more hours, higher pay and over all much better environment. It's still far from what I want to do and I know I will loathe this job, but what it will do is help bringing in very much needed extra resources so that I can take yet another step later and make yet another big change. A step closer to where I want to be in life.
In order to do this I also had to say no to some people, and make others disappointed. I hate doing it, but I had to for my own good. And while they were sad, they also understood and respected my reasons.
The sense of empowerment I got today walking out from an abusive workplace is incredible. A sense of being in control. That I no longer have to get pissed in the face while just trying to survive. The feeling that - at least for a moment - I'm moving my own pieces in the chessboard while carefully contemplating my next move.
So keep banging your head against that brick wall, one day it will crack and rubble. And if I can, I'd be more than happy to stop my car on the highway and toss you a pickaxe.
On a final note, thank you so much to all of my friends. For everything you put up with, and for the help and support that you give me. I just hope I can repay you somehow I would be nothing without you.
For the longest time I feel like I've been stuck in a trench. Treading water, stuck in the mud. That no matter where I try to go, or how, or whatever I do, I'm just stuck. The people around me seemingly glide by effortlessly as if rolling down the highway. I know thats probably not the case, but sometimes I get that impression. Meanwhile I'm struggling to make ends meet, fighting to stay afloat, to stay alive. Everything seems pointless. The world is getting worse and worse, I'm sinking deeper and deeper into the mud and nothing ever changes for the better. I've tried every gadget, every gun in my arsenal. Nothing works.
The only reason I haven't given up is that deep down I know that if I don't try at all, I will drown in the mud. The Gods know how many times I've taken my walks through the woods alone, listening to music and crying out my desperation and frustration. It feels pointless to even try, but if I don't, I'm guaranteed failure. I'm playing in a lottery rigged to my disadvantage, but if I don't play I'll never get anything.
Sound familiar?
So comes the point I wanted to make. You're not alone, and your friends - even seemingly distant ones - are more than willing to help you. I never wanted to ask for help from all my friends riding down that fancy highway, because I didn't want them to get stuck in the mud too. Heck, I didn't even want them to risk getting dirty. It's my shit, my dirt, so up to me to handle it, right? Now, I'm an incredibly lucky individual who have such good friends that they stopped and insisted on helping me. Others were also more than willing to help, and all I had to do was humble myself enough to ask.
There is an old saying; "if you ask God to move a mountain for you, you have to be prepared for him to give you a shovel." Today was one of those moments. Thanks to the new opportunities in my life, earned through blood, sweat, tears and good friendships, I could make a major change.
My old job was few hours, minimum wage and I was abused at my workplace. Today was my last day there. I spent my last hours writing down a set of instructions for whoever will replace me and walked out. But here's the kicker: my new job isn't that great either. But its more hours, higher pay and over all much better environment. It's still far from what I want to do and I know I will loathe this job, but what it will do is help bringing in very much needed extra resources so that I can take yet another step later and make yet another big change. A step closer to where I want to be in life.
In order to do this I also had to say no to some people, and make others disappointed. I hate doing it, but I had to for my own good. And while they were sad, they also understood and respected my reasons.
The sense of empowerment I got today walking out from an abusive workplace is incredible. A sense of being in control. That I no longer have to get pissed in the face while just trying to survive. The feeling that - at least for a moment - I'm moving my own pieces in the chessboard while carefully contemplating my next move.
So keep banging your head against that brick wall, one day it will crack and rubble. And if I can, I'd be more than happy to stop my car on the highway and toss you a pickaxe.
On a final note, thank you so much to all of my friends. For everything you put up with, and for the help and support that you give me. I just hope I can repay you somehow I would be nothing without you.
im glad your making progress, and i hope things continue to trend for the better