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Coffee With The Princess!
2 years ago
Coffee With The Princess!
Don't BE Afraid To Fail, Honey!
**Giggles!**
Mm ... let me take a few moments to get a good pull off of my Black Rifle Coffee this morning as I get into my groove, spin some tunes on the iTunes ... making me miss the vinyl records of old, and put my headphones on over my ears. Mm? Oh yes, y'all. I have gotten into the habit these days of having the headphones on my head, through my short hair, and covering up the gray. It takes me back to those days of the 1970s, 1980s, and even into the 1990s when I was still young and very much alive. But stupid. ❤️
Mm? No, not stupid as in intellect or mental dexterity, honey. Just ignorant in the ways of the world. I was an awesome student back in the days of my youth, more absorbed in reading, drawing, and writing to the point that I was missing out on the varied experiences of life. Now, while I was on the swim and volleyball teams at high school, I mostly kept to myself, except for a close collective of people, groovy guys and gorgeous gals. And ... no, it was not a harem, but just a fellowship of true friends. There was me, the religiously pious gal who was far too smart for her own good, there was the powerhouse jock who had a huge heart, his cute girlfriend who she and I were the best of friends, the stoner twins who ... I don't think they actually smoked marijuana, they just seemed out of it all the time ... and then there was my favorite gal-pal, Ase, who was the shy gal and she just needed friend. There was also Reed Richards, as I called him, this cute fellow who was so thin he was a reed, a pussywillow as my Aunt Sara called him, but he was such a nice guy. He and I would "Mind-Meld!" in our little world of intellectual speak to the point where the rest of the crew's minds would melt. Emily would giggle and call it "The Day The Album Melted!" since he first time it happened, I had accidentally left a beloved Rick James 45 disc record ... near the New Room's powerful heater because Reed and I were "Mind-Melded!" Reed just blushed and I laughed! While Reed and I never did much more than be good friends, I sort of wonder ... ❤️
Now, my nemesis for the 1970s was my Big Sister, who ... as y'all know ... was a major pot-head and gawd only knows what else she was on, this according to Pop ... called my friends "The Scooby Don't Gang!" I'm sure she spent much of the time stoned, so these comments where made while she was thoroughly baked. "Those gawd-damned meddling knuckleheads couldn't get a clue if you pasted it on their faces!" she shouted a number of time. I called her "The Blond Record Player!" because all she did was make loud music, skip a thought from time to time, sound scratchy, and everybody wanted a turn off of her! Pop tried not to laugh, trying to be a Dad, but he did come in and scold me, saying that I shouldn't debase myself with such vulgarity, no matter how clever and witty. "So, can I just unplug her to stop this from spinning and annoying us?" I asked. He shook his head and pressed his lips tight, which was the first sign he was getting upset. "No, honey. You don't ever say that again. We are family. That's all that matters." If memory serves, this was around the time that my Big Sister told me ... reminded me as she said later in life because she honest to God though I knew ... that I was adopted. A particularly ugly development in my life and one that Pop got angrier than I had ever seen him to where he went and had his "Lecture Moment!" with my Big Sister. Mom decided to explain things and even wrote a story to make me feel better about it by explaining it first by talking to me and then writing it down to show how much they loved me. "Your Big Sister loves you too, honey," Mom said with Pop walking in and just standing there after a few steps. "She's just being a Big Sister. You and her are going to fight, but you both should be there for each other." I just nodded. ❤️
Mm ... another pull off of my coffee mug and here we go! ❤️
With all of the fun I had, Mom and Pop kept me cloistered in my predictable life, keeping me going to and from school, making the grades, working hard, and trying to be a kid ... though I did not date much in high school and not really much in the first round of college, but that's part of where I'm going with this meandering through my memories. You see, I went to a Baptist college, called Cumberland College, up in Williamsburg, Kentucky and was cloistered there for the most part, at least until I met Kaitlynn, the intense redheaded powerhouse from Atlanta, but I still was inexperienced to say the least. While I got a lot of experience, it wouldn't be until after I went to SCAD, Savannah College of Art and Design as y'all probably heard of, and really grew up. Now, I had not gotten a professional job and staggered around from job to job, watching people backstab each other, talk trash about each other, and, while they talked about being good people, they weren't showing it. A lot of the jobs I had, I felt ... either too big as far as education and arrogance or just too disgusted by the shenanigans. A lot of y'all have heard about my night audit and teaching adventures, but they were fruitless. Just enough of an experience to teach me that I was not that special. A hard slap. Failing out of SCAD was probably my worst experience next to loosing Kait, who was killed in a car crash back in August of 1991. Between wallowing in that misery, being alone, miserable, and depressed, I was adrift and angry.
I remember turning on the TV, which I was lucky that I was able to get Fox so I could watch cartoons in the afternoon or Saturday Morning, or at least catch shows like Star Trek: DS9 and the X-Files, but I also had my VHS tapes that I wore out. I also got trapped in a liquor bottle of misery. There were times when I would leave to walk home to my trailer and walk past the pawn shop that sold guns ... "One Pay Check!" was often my mantra. Now, if y'all feel shocked and surprised, trust me ... not only have I spoken about this to everyone around me, but I also tell people that suicide is not a game, not funny, and something that you need to get help with as far as pulling out of a dive that you CANNOT take back. Please. But, there was one morning I was watching X-Men, the Fox cartoon that many of y'all know, with the one with Nightcrawler meeting up with Rogue, Gambit, and Wolverine. Wolverine chided Nighrtcrawler about his beliefs and Gambit scoffed as they deal with the bigotry of being different. Now, the message was not lost on me, but I took it poorly. I scoffed and cried in misery ...
It would be years later after seeing this episode a few times that this message would really sink in, y'all. Many of y'all might remember my first few months of dealing with the amputation of a good portion of my left foot with the smaller toes now gone. Yes, I'm six toed, gang. But, I caught the episode and ended up thinking about the words spoken between Nightcrawler and Wolverine. I have to admit that it gave me some comfort and, while it would be a few more months of nightmares and dealing with the neighbors ... well, they aren't anywhere nearly as horrible as they used to be ... that I would start working on my life, fixing all of the problems that I caused ... yes, I caused ... that meant not just repairing my health and body, but my life. It's still a work-in-progress, but I have slowly found myself returning to my youth and state of being where I want to be. Hopefully wiser and smarter, but also hopefully humble and less arrogant. ❤️
Look, I'm not saying any more about what to do outside of not being afraid of failure. No, y'all! This should be a "Teachable Moment!" as Pop used to say or even my Aunt Sara used to add, "A Moment of Clarity!" Listen to what is being discovered ... divine inspiration or just some instinctual insight or whatever you want to call it, but take a hard look at where you are. As I learned in my years of boxing, when you get knocked down, take a few heartbeats to take stock of what's happening as you get up. Those are often those "Moments of Clarity!" as you got your bell run. Now, what shall you do? ❤️
BE Happy!
Love and Kisses,
Loonia
Don't BE Afraid To Fail, Honey!
**Giggles!**
Mm ... let me take a few moments to get a good pull off of my Black Rifle Coffee this morning as I get into my groove, spin some tunes on the iTunes ... making me miss the vinyl records of old, and put my headphones on over my ears. Mm? Oh yes, y'all. I have gotten into the habit these days of having the headphones on my head, through my short hair, and covering up the gray. It takes me back to those days of the 1970s, 1980s, and even into the 1990s when I was still young and very much alive. But stupid. ❤️
Mm? No, not stupid as in intellect or mental dexterity, honey. Just ignorant in the ways of the world. I was an awesome student back in the days of my youth, more absorbed in reading, drawing, and writing to the point that I was missing out on the varied experiences of life. Now, while I was on the swim and volleyball teams at high school, I mostly kept to myself, except for a close collective of people, groovy guys and gorgeous gals. And ... no, it was not a harem, but just a fellowship of true friends. There was me, the religiously pious gal who was far too smart for her own good, there was the powerhouse jock who had a huge heart, his cute girlfriend who she and I were the best of friends, the stoner twins who ... I don't think they actually smoked marijuana, they just seemed out of it all the time ... and then there was my favorite gal-pal, Ase, who was the shy gal and she just needed friend. There was also Reed Richards, as I called him, this cute fellow who was so thin he was a reed, a pussywillow as my Aunt Sara called him, but he was such a nice guy. He and I would "Mind-Meld!" in our little world of intellectual speak to the point where the rest of the crew's minds would melt. Emily would giggle and call it "The Day The Album Melted!" since he first time it happened, I had accidentally left a beloved Rick James 45 disc record ... near the New Room's powerful heater because Reed and I were "Mind-Melded!" Reed just blushed and I laughed! While Reed and I never did much more than be good friends, I sort of wonder ... ❤️
Now, my nemesis for the 1970s was my Big Sister, who ... as y'all know ... was a major pot-head and gawd only knows what else she was on, this according to Pop ... called my friends "The Scooby Don't Gang!" I'm sure she spent much of the time stoned, so these comments where made while she was thoroughly baked. "Those gawd-damned meddling knuckleheads couldn't get a clue if you pasted it on their faces!" she shouted a number of time. I called her "The Blond Record Player!" because all she did was make loud music, skip a thought from time to time, sound scratchy, and everybody wanted a turn off of her! Pop tried not to laugh, trying to be a Dad, but he did come in and scold me, saying that I shouldn't debase myself with such vulgarity, no matter how clever and witty. "So, can I just unplug her to stop this from spinning and annoying us?" I asked. He shook his head and pressed his lips tight, which was the first sign he was getting upset. "No, honey. You don't ever say that again. We are family. That's all that matters." If memory serves, this was around the time that my Big Sister told me ... reminded me as she said later in life because she honest to God though I knew ... that I was adopted. A particularly ugly development in my life and one that Pop got angrier than I had ever seen him to where he went and had his "Lecture Moment!" with my Big Sister. Mom decided to explain things and even wrote a story to make me feel better about it by explaining it first by talking to me and then writing it down to show how much they loved me. "Your Big Sister loves you too, honey," Mom said with Pop walking in and just standing there after a few steps. "She's just being a Big Sister. You and her are going to fight, but you both should be there for each other." I just nodded. ❤️
Mm ... another pull off of my coffee mug and here we go! ❤️
With all of the fun I had, Mom and Pop kept me cloistered in my predictable life, keeping me going to and from school, making the grades, working hard, and trying to be a kid ... though I did not date much in high school and not really much in the first round of college, but that's part of where I'm going with this meandering through my memories. You see, I went to a Baptist college, called Cumberland College, up in Williamsburg, Kentucky and was cloistered there for the most part, at least until I met Kaitlynn, the intense redheaded powerhouse from Atlanta, but I still was inexperienced to say the least. While I got a lot of experience, it wouldn't be until after I went to SCAD, Savannah College of Art and Design as y'all probably heard of, and really grew up. Now, I had not gotten a professional job and staggered around from job to job, watching people backstab each other, talk trash about each other, and, while they talked about being good people, they weren't showing it. A lot of the jobs I had, I felt ... either too big as far as education and arrogance or just too disgusted by the shenanigans. A lot of y'all have heard about my night audit and teaching adventures, but they were fruitless. Just enough of an experience to teach me that I was not that special. A hard slap. Failing out of SCAD was probably my worst experience next to loosing Kait, who was killed in a car crash back in August of 1991. Between wallowing in that misery, being alone, miserable, and depressed, I was adrift and angry.
I remember turning on the TV, which I was lucky that I was able to get Fox so I could watch cartoons in the afternoon or Saturday Morning, or at least catch shows like Star Trek: DS9 and the X-Files, but I also had my VHS tapes that I wore out. I also got trapped in a liquor bottle of misery. There were times when I would leave to walk home to my trailer and walk past the pawn shop that sold guns ... "One Pay Check!" was often my mantra. Now, if y'all feel shocked and surprised, trust me ... not only have I spoken about this to everyone around me, but I also tell people that suicide is not a game, not funny, and something that you need to get help with as far as pulling out of a dive that you CANNOT take back. Please. But, there was one morning I was watching X-Men, the Fox cartoon that many of y'all know, with the one with Nightcrawler meeting up with Rogue, Gambit, and Wolverine. Wolverine chided Nighrtcrawler about his beliefs and Gambit scoffed as they deal with the bigotry of being different. Now, the message was not lost on me, but I took it poorly. I scoffed and cried in misery ...
It would be years later after seeing this episode a few times that this message would really sink in, y'all. Many of y'all might remember my first few months of dealing with the amputation of a good portion of my left foot with the smaller toes now gone. Yes, I'm six toed, gang. But, I caught the episode and ended up thinking about the words spoken between Nightcrawler and Wolverine. I have to admit that it gave me some comfort and, while it would be a few more months of nightmares and dealing with the neighbors ... well, they aren't anywhere nearly as horrible as they used to be ... that I would start working on my life, fixing all of the problems that I caused ... yes, I caused ... that meant not just repairing my health and body, but my life. It's still a work-in-progress, but I have slowly found myself returning to my youth and state of being where I want to be. Hopefully wiser and smarter, but also hopefully humble and less arrogant. ❤️
Look, I'm not saying any more about what to do outside of not being afraid of failure. No, y'all! This should be a "Teachable Moment!" as Pop used to say or even my Aunt Sara used to add, "A Moment of Clarity!" Listen to what is being discovered ... divine inspiration or just some instinctual insight or whatever you want to call it, but take a hard look at where you are. As I learned in my years of boxing, when you get knocked down, take a few heartbeats to take stock of what's happening as you get up. Those are often those "Moments of Clarity!" as you got your bell run. Now, what shall you do? ❤️
BE Happy!
Love and Kisses,
Loonia
