I am ashamed I have to make this journal, but I feel it's important to keep you all updated.

I'm not okay.

3 months ago, I had to quit my job. My tendonitis and carpel tunnel was preventing me from doing the fine motor movements required to work. The temp agency I work for was supposed to find me a replacement job that I could do without injuring myself, but they have not. In fact, they've been ignoring my daily calls, and dragging their feet, refusing to take any meaningful action.

As a result, I've been jobless for 3 months. Other than patreon donations, I have no income at all.

On top of this, I am more burned out on art than I've ever been in my life. I'm trying so hard to finish the current to do list, but I feel absolutely zero drive or passion for any of it. I'll attempt to work on what I owe, do about 4 or 5 lines, then feel so physically exhausted I pass out for most of the day. Even worse, I feel absolutely no joy from vore or my other interests. I feel almost revolted by it sometimes, where I know i need to avoid it, to give myself a break, but I can't. When I have no job, and my only source of money is art, I feel I have to draw it even when it makes me feel sick, or else I'll be doomed. As you can imagine, this takes all the joy out of it, and stresses me so that the art slows down and takes ages to get done...

Because of all of this, I am more poor now than I've ever been in my life. I can't even afford food. My roomates and I are all broke beyond belief. 2 of the 3 of us lost our jobs.

I am so unbelievably miserable. I want to cry constantly, and most days i can't get out of bed. I feel hungry, hopeless, empty. I'm trying so hard, I swear to god I am, but my life keeps getting worse. My family is suffering too. My mom's breast cancer came back, and she's going to have to undergo major surgeries to have her breasts removed. I feel like I'm not allowed to breathe a moment of happyness before something happens to crash it down.

I'm writing this journal for 2 major reasons:

1: I'm desperate for money. Until I can find a job that won't give me panic attacks, I have no income. No money for food, bills, or rent. I feel sick asking you all for help, but I don''t know what else to do. If you can, please consider donating. https://ko-fi.com/pieman

2: I want to be open and honest, as well as more present. Transparency is very important to me. I don't want to hide anything or lie to you guys. It's because of all of you that I even made it this far. But I've been very reclusive for the past 3 years. I feel my online presence and momemtum has completely died. I don't post regularly, and I think my burnout is very obvious in my work. God I've not even drawn Sarah, or explored my OCs/world in years. I don't like that. I want to be better, do better, get past this awful time in my stupid life so I can make all of you proud. So I can earn the success youve given me. I just... wanna feel joy in what I do, and feel like it matters.

I apologize for the long journal but this explanation is very important. I had to let you all know what is going on. I just... to be honest, I feel rather hopless. I feel like I could die tomorrow and nobody would care I hate living this reality, ans I just want to be happy and okay. I wish i knew whay i've done so horribly wrong to deserve the shit I go through...

I love you all so much.
- Chris

[EDIT: 3/14/2023]

I am in diselief at the incredible, overwhelming flood of support everyone has given me. I literally cannot believe the amount of people that have donated, or spread the word. It has been absolutely insane how kind everyone is, and for that, I am eternally greatful. Thank you alll for your support. Because of you, I was able to get enough groceries to last my roomates and I a long while. Not only that, but the support has been so great, that I may even be able to cover rent if I cannot find work in time. The amount people have donated to my cause has been unbelievable, and I am at a loss for words. I don't know how to respond, other than say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Someday, when my life is stable, I want to do all I can to earn the support, praise, and generosity all of you have given me. I want to make you all proud and happy. I want to be active in the community again, and reach the heights I know I am capable of. Thank you all for helping me during this horrible time in my life, It means so very much to me!