I'll start with a flurry of three jokes:

1) What do Putin's Russia, North Korea and most bad men have in common?
-> All are ruled by a dick

2) I'm holding in my right hand a shovel and in my left hand a fictional storybook. Both are better than me. The shovel can handle more than just shit and the book can actually surprise you.

3) What did a Star Wars Jawa in Tatooine order from a cantina?
- Martini!

1) What happens when you cut off the dick of any male?
The brain automatically takes over control!

2) Why do women wear underwear? Workplace Safety Regulations says: All manholes should be covered, when not in use!

3) What kind of Car would the Grand Master of the Jedi Order drive, when visiting Earth?
Most likely a ToYoda...

Essentially, in order: Dick joke, Self-kinda-joke, Star Wars joke...check, check, check.

1) What's the difference between a dilligent bird and a sleazy woman?
-Bird can keep it's nest clean

2) A rather hysterical figure was banging my door the other day. After a while he got really desperate and I simply had to let him out

3) I found myself thinking of best options for a choice of sauce when it comes to burgers, fries and tortillas. Then another voice suggested a classic mayo. Then a third one suggested jalapeno-lime and cream sauce. And after that a fourth voice claimed that bellpepper and chili is the best. After writing all this down I told the voices that their rent is due. After that, silence

1) Hogwarts Students: Expecto Patronum!
Mugles 2023: Expensive Petroleum!

2) Girls: Hey boy! Up for some D&D?
Boys: Dungeons & Dragons?
Girls: Dinner & Dicks.
Also Boys: Uhmmm, sure! ~♥

3) The first rule of Gun Safety is to "Get out of my house!"

1) With the current rise of gasoline and petrol prices, I found myself watching for ponyplay gear. I thought about it and I realized that there might just be enough kinky people in the world to pull it off. Plus one could pay them in carrots.

2) I realized yesterday that I can resist everything except temptation.

3) God is dead -- Nietzche
Nietzche is dead -- God
Dead people can't write on walls - Dead
Sure we can -- God and Nietzche