Hello hello! \o

I thought in light of some recent developments in my life, I had to write a little update for anybody who is interested in reading about that kind of thing. Also, I felt like sharing some thoughts here as if this was a blog, something that I pretty much never do, haha
Grab some tea and buckle up to read lots of text :D


So, first of all... I've been job-hunting for some months now with almost no success. You know how it goes for somebody who doesn't have connections - you go through dozens of job listings online, and all the "minimal/no experience" positions still want you to somehow magically have 3-5 years of experience already, but you give it a shot anyway and send your portfolio, only to receive either a refusal or nothing in response. Yeah, I've been doing some of that slowly but surely since around November of 2022.
Living off of commissions is a somewhat comfortable arrangement that I can't complain too much about, but after doing it over the course of few years, I came to realise that I want, or even need, to pursue something else. I don't mean that I need to stop doing commissions or to stop uploading art online, no no! I don't want to stop *that* nor am I planning to do that. I've been posting art since before coming to Furaffinity, before I ever took my first commission, just because it was fun and I wanted to share my drawings.
No, the issue is that, I found just how unreliable I am with my own schedules as a freelancer, how unstable the money transferring processors are, and how utterly uncomfortable I am with living strictly on budget every month. Every month I have to acquire a consistent amount of funds to live, but not every month is a "good one" for me, and so not every month I can match even the minimum amount of those funds. I simply can't consistently deliver on all the different projects that I'm taking on, and so slowly over time I got into the overdraft zone, where I'd earn less money that what I had to pay for rent or food. Slowly but surely I accumulated debt, and even with all the improvements to my productivity over the last couple of years, I simply don't see a way out of this hole - I'm just too inconsistent still.
I'm sure it's not an uncommon problem among artists and creators, I just realised how bad it is for me a bit too slowly. As of now, I have no way to both deliver all the art to my dear commissioners that would be of acceptable quality *and* also pay for 1) rent 2) bills 3) food 4) my debts every month.
On top of that, I realised that it's been a while since I felt like I did something significant with my life. Doing freelance work for so long, I realised just how much it affected my social life. I've always been a turbo introvert who can't exists without spending at least a few hours a day in total isolation from social interactions, sure, but it feels like it's been ages since I've meet new people IRL or talked to somebody through non-online means; it's been so long since I saw fresh artist faces, talked about new interests, hung out with them and talked about new topics. Spending all my time working from home made me more fearful of the outside world, scared of living life and hopeless about making plans (the last part is also related to what happened in 2022 that my country was directly involved in, of course, but the feelings of hopelessness were beginning to sprout even back in 2021).
All these feelings lead me to wanting to actually start looking for some kind of proper employment. To go out of my comfort zone and meet people, to work on something bigger. And of course, I figured I could actually start paying off my debts and not worry about going hungry (as much) if I could get a steady paycheck and *also* do some commissions here and there, instead of solely relying on commissions, which hasn't worked out for me super well.

Anyway, I hope I didn't come across as *too* dramatic about not receiving replies to my letters to employers, because... well, as of right now, I *have* actually received at least one hope-inspiring reply! An animation studio has invited me for a test period, where they'd have me draw some of their characters in various positions to demonstrate if I can be a good asset to them :D
I've been going to the studio every day for almost two weeks now, and I think I'm doing alright with their testing.
Actually getting to the main point ---> I felt like telling you about all this because, if I'm lucky enough to start working there, or if I'll find some other position that will start occupying a lot of my time, I will unfortunately slow down with the commissions that I currently have on my to-do list. I have no intentions of dropping any of the projects (never), but if I do start working in something like a studio with actual deadlines and bosses that will yell at me for underperforming, I'll have a bit less time in my week for commissions""""
I hope, though, that having a steady paycheck that doesn't require me to seek out new projects while still having unfinished projects weighing on my conscience, will actually make me less stressed about the current commissions, and will allow me to make more progress with them... I hope!

Second thing that's kind been a big deal for me recently, is something I can't talk about in details for various reasons. But I would just want to say that by some cosmic coincidence, I got picked to participate in a project where I'd have to make card game illustrations! \o/ It happened very suddenly, and wasn't at all something that I anticipated in a hundred years. I got approached for it at the end of January, and I'm pretty sure that deadlines for that project will be tight, and will make me more busy than normal in the near future, on top of all the job hunting.
That being said, it's exciting to get involved in something big like this :D


I'll keep doing my best to work as much as I can on everything that I currently have on my list, because I'm truly grateful for every person that approaches me for a commission or have approached in the past. You have no idea how much joy and confidence the fact that people are interested in my work brings me, the fact that they entrust their ideas and characters to me specifically. I wouldn't be able to be where I am currently without people's support, and I never forget about that.

If you've read all this, you're a champ, haha. This is a lot of talking, and a lot of explaining, but I just felt like it's about time to get a little personal and to be transparent about the changes currently happening in my life. I want to move forward and begin a new chapter in life by getting out there and applying my skills to bigger projects IRL, but that does mean that at least for the upcoming months life will get extra busy and confusing for me. But that doesn't mean I'll be abandoning this account of mine, or any other accounts, nor will I cease with the commissions :) I'll just have to time them better
Also, despite all the complications related to Patreon usage in our country, I don't plan on closing *it* either! I still have a lot of different things I can post there, and until I feel like I've exhausted all my ideas and all the drawings I could possible share over there, it'll keep going~

Alright, I think this is everything I wanted to talk about for now
If you've read this far, thank you :) I wish you a great day/evening/night/morning!



If you want to see my to-do list/queue, I've just updated it here: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9962356/
If you haven't seen the journal with some of my links, it's here: https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/10473498
If you're curious about my modest Patreon page, it's here (it's SFW and more like a Snail+ blog about very random art): https://www.patreon.com/pillowdash