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Anxiety Attack and the Loss of Control...
2 years ago
General
I just had an anxiety attack. I lost control. I cried the tears of a million heartbroken moments. It was perhaps the most powerful attack i had in years. And it broke me.
What's worse is that I hurt a friend. I had the attack while a friend came to me for help. I lost control, and I'm afraid i did irreparable damage.
I don't often talk about my past other than the fact that i have schizophrenia. But the truth is that the illness broke me. It broke me all those years ago. The sorrow and anguish was unbearable and indescribable. It felt as though i felt the tears of every sad, mourning, suffering and hurt person in the world. I bore so much mental anguish, and today's powerful attack reminded me of the days in which I didn't have the strength I have now.
I hope to write a poem on this experience... One which is based off of the anguish i felt today and all those years ago. It's not a Schizophrenic Poem. This one will be so much more solemn and mournful. This will be the most important and heartfelt thing I'll have written. And it will be based off of the pain that I and so many people suffer through.
I just want to say that I'm sorry to anyone I've hurt... Like my friend today... I was brought back to days that were so horrible. I was reminded of the demons that consumed me in mental anguish so many times and made life for me so much more difficult.
Thank you, all, for sticking by me and for reading my stories. I write my works for all of you, and i consider all of you as my friends. I just hope i never have another moment like today.
I need to rest... My head and heart hurt...
What's worse is that I hurt a friend. I had the attack while a friend came to me for help. I lost control, and I'm afraid i did irreparable damage.
I don't often talk about my past other than the fact that i have schizophrenia. But the truth is that the illness broke me. It broke me all those years ago. The sorrow and anguish was unbearable and indescribable. It felt as though i felt the tears of every sad, mourning, suffering and hurt person in the world. I bore so much mental anguish, and today's powerful attack reminded me of the days in which I didn't have the strength I have now.
I hope to write a poem on this experience... One which is based off of the anguish i felt today and all those years ago. It's not a Schizophrenic Poem. This one will be so much more solemn and mournful. This will be the most important and heartfelt thing I'll have written. And it will be based off of the pain that I and so many people suffer through.
I just want to say that I'm sorry to anyone I've hurt... Like my friend today... I was brought back to days that were so horrible. I was reminded of the demons that consumed me in mental anguish so many times and made life for me so much more difficult.
Thank you, all, for sticking by me and for reading my stories. I write my works for all of you, and i consider all of you as my friends. I just hope i never have another moment like today.
I need to rest... My head and heart hurt...
I think that if this person truly is your friend, you'll be forgiven in due time. For now, the best thing to do is take things one day at a time.
I just feel so tired and heartfelt. I had such a powerful attack, one which caused me to hurt a dead friend. Even today I'm still depressed and distraught over that. But I know that with time these wounds will heal.
The attack reminded me of a dark place I was many years ago. Back when I was in far less control of my condition. I was brought back to a time where life was a living hell for me. And i shudder to recollect over those dark days.
Thank you for your support. I hope that these old wounds will heal soon, and that those who i hurt can find in themselves to forgive me. I am not the man I was those years ago. Now I'm stronger and more in control.