Hello everyone, JC here:
I write this journal with a solemn heart. What I say I do not take lightly:

I am going to fail my English honors class. But not our of laziness or inability.

No. I'm failing my english honors class out of survival. A tactical move so I can try my best later.

You see, when my sister had surgery, I received another essay score: another C+ and it was demoralizing for me. Add to that the stress of my sister's surgery and the stress of other classes and, well... I reached my limit, and I cannot do it anymore.

For those of you who don't know my story, I'll be brief:

I am a former college dropout. I dropped out in 2018 when I was 23 years old. And it was because of my mental illness. I just couldn't take it anymore. I was a great student, but I fell short because of my stress and anxiety perpetuated by my illness. And the moment I dropped out of college the first time was a moment I remember well. I wasn't just regretful or depressed.

I was broken. That moment utterly destroyed me for years, living with that regret. And it is something that I feel to this day.

I take an F now not because I want it, but out of survival. I refuse to let myself almost die again like I did before. I refuse to go down that route again. And I will do my best to never have to go through that again. That's is why I feel so heavy right now. I am failing now so that I can get an A in the future.

Let's me be honest, buddies. I was never aiming to for Harvard or Ivy league or being some ingenious valedictorian. I was aiming for the stars, true, but I knew I would never that height. What I did want was this:

I wanted to my best to very best of my abilities.

That mentality is what got me straight A's two semester in a row, what got me a spot on the Dean's List of Distinguishment twice. It wasn't because I wanted A's.

I just wanted to do my best. That's all I wanted.

I choose to fail now so that later I can ace my scores again. I will bite the bullet so that I can rise again after licking my wounds.

I've been silent on here because I've been trying to convalesce. I'm healing after reeling from my sister's surgery and from my classes overwhelming me. I'll resume posting sexy stories again soon. Just give me time.

I hope to continue working on more stories to share. I'm not giving up my writing. Far from it.

I will fail with dignity and pride, knowing that I tried my best regardless.

And when I do go back to school...best believe I'll be trying my best again.



Sincerely,

J.C. Solis