Didn't realize yesterday was International Asexuality Day. As most of you all know, and if you couldn't tell by my page's banner, I'm personally Ace/Aro. As such, I thought I'd go into detail on how I came to identify as both.


To start with, I think I'll go ahead and state that I probably was asexual from the start. When I was first introduced to sex via early pornography, the one thing that really weirded (and later on grossed) me out about it was intercourse. I just didn't find it any kind of attractive or felt anything for it. Maybe because the area around that part of the body (the buttocks mainly) a particularly gross section that I wanted nothing to do with. Now, if I'm being honest with myself, there are some aspects of oral sex that I do like and find attractive (somewhat). I'm not really comfortable talking about it, though. It's something I'm sure not many people will understand. Last thing I will say is that at one point, I did consider myself straight, as in having a sexual attraction to females, but I'll save that for my next explanation on my romantic attraction. I'll just say I still harbor about a 5% attraction to females, 95% zero attraction to any other genders (and I'm in no way attracted to males).

Now for the romantic attraction. I think it's no secret that I have zero luck with the one gender I am (mildly) attracted to as stated above. I've been involved in only one relationship in my life, and that lasted a not so good six months before my ex dumped me...for reasons still unknown to me. My ex didn't cheat on me or anything, they just ended the relationship just like that. Now afterwards, I tried to seek out another relationship, but every time I garnered an attraction to another woman, it was always met with "I'm just not interested" and said woman would just move on to someone else. It slowly occurred to me that I just wasn't an interesting prospect for a male (especially a black male who's very different from the average number of black males out there), but for the longest time, I was in denial about it. I just didn't want to believe I was losing my romantic attraction to women and kept trying to put myself out there. Eventually, though, it got to the point where I just gave up and stopped trying. It was when I just learned to accept my eventual fate that I was no longer interested in women anymore, and I just wanted to be alone. I've known nothing but loneliness my whole life, I'm practically used to it, so why give it up? Only a very small part of me still wishes I had a woman to be close to, but it's not enough for me to put myself out there again. I'm fine with being alone. In the end, myself is all I have.


I don't know who will read or even respond to this, but if you did go through all this rambling of mine, I appreciate it.