Couple days late on this but I guess it's still worth doing. To sum it up bluntly 2022 was really good for the most part but so far 2023 has been really bad. Last year I started working on my health, physically and mentally, and taking things more seriously. Eating healthier, getting better rest, being nicer to myself, and it definitely has made a big difference. I've been better at combating my social anxiety, being realistic about things in order to keep the fears away, and it led me to making new friends and having a much better attitude with people. I've learned to stand up for myself finally. Side note I also bought my first car.

As for the bad I've been struggling more and more with gender dysphoria. I'm not at a place where I would say I'm trans but as time goes on I am trying to present myself less and less as a guy and just be a person where gender doesn't matter at all, but I still don't put much effort into my appearance because I don't want to look at myself. I wouldn't consider myself ugly but the person I am physically just doesn't feel like who I really am.

I also feel pretty stuck at my job, it's a simple retail job that I started before I enrolled in college. Now I'm two years graduated from college and I feel like I've way overstayed my welcome working there. I realize I just haven't had patience with the customers as much as I should, and I tried quitting late last year but it didn't work out, so for the time being I'm still stuck there. I'd like to get to a point with my commission work that I can quit but gaining more traction in that field has been slow going, however I'm super appreciative of the few who have gotten commissions from me. It basically pays for my next trip to the grocery store every time. My degree in animation is a rough one to have considering the market for cartoons among bigger studios lately, with every show being cancelled and all the soulless reboots and remakes taking over. I'd like to do more indie work but finding the motivation to even start a small animation is a huge struggle.

The absolute worst part of everything has been with my dogs. As you have senior dogs, you start to consider how much time left you have with them, and even when they go it doesn't make it any easier. My first dog Snickers passed in Summer 2021, and his sister Shelby is now declining due to bladder cancer. They gave her a week to a month to live, but that was two months ago and every day I'm preparing to say goodbye to her. But the real devastating blow was my other dog Lily, who we had to put down one week ago. She was only 12 years old and we had rescued her from an abusive past at a shelter. She had suddenly grown a tumor on her heart and fluid was filling her lungs and we needed to save her before she suffocated. I thought we'd have her to help us get through Shelby's passing but now I'm not ready to have no dogs at all.

To summarize right now I am completely lost. I go through every day as its own thing without being able to think about the future, and I'm in this emotional doldrum that is hard to pick myself out of on my own. I'm fortunate to have people who check in on me when things are rough, I wish I could figure out where to go. But a lot can happen in a year, so here's hoping things will look up by the next journal.