Nah I ain't dead yet, I promise. It's been a hot minute since I last posted anything, almost 4 weeks since my last "real" drawing at the very least. Problem is, I'm LOADED with WIPs and sketches and stuff, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't find motivation to work on them. Some of them are Comms too, which makes it even worse. But this morning I came to a sort of realization? I think I might be, have been, depressed. I know that nowadays that word gets thrown around so much it's practically meaningless, but I hope that this isn't the case here. I have just felt no motivation, no energy, no desire to really do... much of anything. I'll open a canvas, look at a sketch I have for a few minutes, and eventually just tab out. "Nahhh, I just don't feel like I have the creative energy right now." Everything felt like it stopped being fun. Video games were all boring, TV shows felt like a waste of time, just no activity seemed to actually entertain me beyond something to kill time. I just felt nothing the vast majority of each day. Waking up, only to procrastinate on menial tasks for a while, before eventually forcing myself to go through work, and switching my brain off just to I can fast travel back to my bed at home just to start all over again the next day. There was even a period where it kind of felt like everything around me in life was breaking? Small stuff at first. My headphones broke, then my dresser collapsed. The screen at my work's register I use broke. The machine that dispenses cash for said registers, also broke so I had like, no change for a week. One of the most devastating to me was that my ride *to* work also broke down, meaning I had to walk back and forth every day for like forever. One of my Debit cards got a hold put on it, PayPal broke and wouldn't let me accept the money I had waiting in it, my bank's transfer app broke so I couldn't send money to a friend... And these were all within like, a week! God it felt so defeating. But I'm basically writing all this dumb angsty word salad to say, I think I'm getting better. Rather than letting all these broken things sit around me, I've been fixing them. The problems with my bank are fixed up, my ride to work is running again. And I've just been feeling... Y'know, hopeful. More than the last month has been for me at least.

I wanna make an effort to finish all these drawings I've had sitting, collecting dust. I'll obviously start with the ones people will be paying for, those take priority, I have 3 of those currently (at the time of writing this), and I also have like fuckin', 4 or 5 more sketches/requests that I'm doing just for the fun of it. I can't promise that ya'll will be seeing the fruits of this like *immediately* after I post it, I think wach one of my drawings is at *least* a day or two's effort away from being posted to my account lol.

So I dunno. Maybe FA Journals aren't the best place to talk about this stuff? I basically only see people use this to update on commission info, but I prefer to use it as kind of a diary.

That's basically all I had to say, "Sorry for being a fucking sad vegetable for a month, I'm trying to do better", lol. Hope ya'll peeps are havin' a nice day!