This is a series I enjoy writing because it is much easier for my introverted personality to get my feelings out on paper than tell them verbally. I talk about abuse, depression, and other difficult topics. My hope is to put my word out there not only for my own well-being but maybe to help someone else out there that feels the same way.

My motivation is back. I'm going to keep pushing until I get what I want. Taking a look around, I have fixed so many things that had troubled me as a child. It has been nearly 10 years since I left high school and I am a completely different person. I lived with a hoarder, with mice and cockroaches scurrying around in the house every night. There was trash everywhere, furniture about to collapse in on itself, and we had dozens of pets we could barely take care of. I could have grown to be a complete disaster but I chose to revolt at a young age. I saw the problems my parents had and decided alcohol and drugs were bad. I'm glad that I did. Now I live in a somewhat decent home.

I guess I have deep depressive episodes for a reason. I just need to learn how to get out of them quicker. My main reason for this most recent one is the realization that the house I had been renting and potentially buying was yanked out from underneath me like the world's most expensive rug. All of the effort I put into remodeling this home is gone because my uncle """""forgot""""" about a medical bill after I have paid tens of thousands of dollars to rent here and fix it up over the course of more than five years. Because of this lien on the home, I can no longer buy it. Again, my family was the cause of this instead of me so I have to be the responsible one and clean up the mess.

They say your 20s are for making mistakes and while I'm heading to the latter half of them, I feel like I still have a lot to learn. My only wish right now is to find a good job so I can completely move out on my own away from my family. I have come to the conclusion that I want my own space away from my friends as well. I dislike rooming with my friends because there is a lack of discipline to it. It's hard to tell your friends that they are lazy and need to pull their weight around the house. Perhaps my best bet is to move away. Despite voicing my opinions recently, nothing has changed. Perhaps it is out of fear of going back to that less-than-poor living conditions. Maybe I have become too serious. I feel like I should listen to my gut though.

But, there is good. I,
- Remain vigilant with college. I am making near-perfect scores. Some days it is taxing on my concentration, stress and mental health, but I want to go all-out with it.
- Quit my terrible job. I look back to this job and I feel sad. I pushed myself in a dead-end job for far too long. It was just to survive. That isn't a problem anymore.
- Began building a routine. I am working out again. I have a personal journal. I am keeping the grass mowed. I feel fantastic if I do everything in my daily to-do list.
- Cleaned my living space. Though I am not going to live here for too much longer, I have learned a lot about basic living and home care. I feel more responsible than my parents ever were and if a house disaster happens, I may be able to fix it myself.
- Read. I am currently reading Watership Down, and have read Frankenstein, Cat's Cradle, and more. I wish I read more in the past because it is very relaxing.
- Play the piano. This is a bit slower than my other hobbies. I tend to put this very last in my things to do. I can play a few Zelda songs off the top of my head.
- Stand my ground. I have proven time and time again that I am responsible.

I'm going to keep pushing no matter what.