Yesterday I went to a support group for those who had a difficult childhood. More specifically, it was for children who lived with or grew up around parents and family that were alcoholics or substance abusers. The first thing I noticed was I was the youngest person there. There may have been one other that was my age, but it was debatable. It made me realized that this was something that may effect my entire life which is a little scary. However, it immediately became apparent that everyone there was supportive, and I felt like I was around people that I could understand. We all introduced ourselves, and we got to the meat of the meeting: a focus on accepting praise.

I never knew people had a voice in their head that was telling them that they did a good job. I have always just done things, got through it, and went onto the next project. I've never felt any sort of joy for what I had done. To fix this, one person described themselves mowing grass, and stopping just to give themselves a pat on their back and reward themselves. Something like this might take some time for me. It is kinda funny, because this new dragon sona Lux... I wanted to make him extremely greedy. STARVED for praise, even. You can see this in my other sonas, albeit at a lesser level. I suppose even before this group, I was already sensing a complete lack of this in my life. Dunno. Maybe it is a good thing to ask for more sometimes. :)

It makes me want to admit something: I struggle A LOT with buying new things and spoiling myself. I wear clothes that are 10+ years old. I don't buy the newest gadgets. I've never been on a vacation or gone to cons--things like that. Even when I did have money and a stable job, most of the time I'd just focus on the most important things and put money aside for emergencies. Now that probably doesn't sound like a bad thing to most people, but no. It is to the point where I started feeling completely stagnant in my life. Am I truly living this way? No. If you have been following me for a while, you probably know that I have completely burnt out and am now struggling to make ends meet.

This first meeting has given me the wisdom to accept a few things:
1. I should value what I have created to a much higher standard
2. I need to reward myself more, even if I feel scared or worried about it
3. I really, really need to slow down. I am a workaholic to fill in the void of my loneliness
4. It is okay to accept help from people
5. I desperately need to talk to more people

I don't know if this'll help anyone. I've always liked to journal my journey here because I find it kinda fun. I'll keep these journal entries going of my time in this group.

And you know what? GO SUPPORT ME!!!! BOW down to your dragon lord on My Patreon and visit my other links: Linktree

I'm going to start spoiling myself and finally live life. I'm glad to have gone to this support group because man, I was anxious about it. It isn't easy being vulnerable around strangers. XP