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An update on my situation
2 years ago
Okay, so I guess I should start this by saying a lot of stuff has happened since my last journal. Some good, some bad, and some incredibly screwed up. I'd go in that order about stuff, but unfortunately, some of the good news relates to the screwed up stuff, which means the triggering content warning is now here.
In December, I got my name legally changed, which was a huge milestone for me as a trans person. I also entered into a polycule with two women who were friends of mine a few days after that while staying at their place for the holidays. However, my reason for being there is where the screwed up stuff starts. My IRL mother's boyfriend (specifying that because my close friend
Slyspirit has been more of a motherly figure to me over the years) moved in and got abusive towards me within days. It began as verbal harassment, but I left because it was already a mentally difficult time due to how much stress I was already under from the anxiety about my name change prior to the actual hearing for it. After I got a rather threatening message on Facebook from him, I didn't return to my former residence (more on that later) until halfway through January.. When I had returned, the boyfriend's disdain for me had somehow gotten worse despite the fact I had not been around at all. He started throwing things at me, which graduated into a physical altercation and attempts to starve me for not obeying him as if he owned me. I attempted to get a restraining order, which wound up being declined after two weeks because the judge somehow justified him verbally threatening my physical safety after it was stated that I'm transgender. Both my IRL mother and her boyfriend constantly deadname and misgender me, acting like my identity doesn't exist. If you think that's the end, it isn't. After several more months of dealing with quickly escalating abuse, the one final incident was me being threatened with a metal baseball bat next my face and having my phone stolen from my hand. Fortunately I had a backup that I used to contact my IRL mother, who wasn't home at the time, with the Wi-Fi signal. She called the police, who did nothing because there were no signs of a struggle and he had gone out to walk the dog like it was a normal day. Me being visibly traumatized (as if I wasn't already enough by that point because of all the crap I've lived through) wasn't enough for them to make the arrest despite the fact it was clear something had happened to me. I began carrying a bugout bag with me constantly, and a couple of days later, while I was at an event with my case manager to get some new clothes for free (since my wardrobe is still in the process of being replaced and I will take any chances to do so that I get), I told them what had happened and they got my connected with other people who helped me escape. I was placed into protective services for victims of domestic violence. I was escorted back to my former residence to pack a suitcase with at least a week's worth of clothes and whatever personal items I wanted to take with me. My IRL mother and her boyfriend were not told what was going on, nobody spoke to them, they just saw me come in with someone and leave with a packed suitcase. I was placed into a hotel a few miles away, and a couple of days later, I was moved across the state because I agreed to it. For 2 and a half weeks, I have been safe. I am checked on every so often while they search for a place for me to live permanently. In the meantime, I will be kept at this location, which I can not disclose due to a confidentiality agreement. I still wake up from nightmares every night, sometimes in a cold sweat, sometimes screaming, and sometimes thrashing. I will not recover from this any time soon, and I may never fully recover from the trauma of what I have experienced since December.
However, there were moments of light. I switched to patches in January and saw nearly immediate changes. I now look almost completely different to the way I did at this same time last year. I have made more friends, and have begun building a stronger support network. I have come to understand and accept that I'm non-binary, and have fully embraced my identity as such. I'm taking Finnish lessons as part of the long process of preparing to eventually move to Finland like I have wanted to for years. In March,
Nervous_Bird and I had our first anniversary, which was a very bright light in an otherwise bad time in my life. It has also been 10 years since we met and the course of my life was changed. Right now, my future feels uncertain, but I know that whatever happens, it will lead to me being there in her arms eventually. My birthday is coming up on the sixth of June, and doubles as the one year since I started Hormone Replacement Therapy. As one final note, I have been working on a redesign/rebranding of my fursona as part of trying to move on from things. I will possibly be commissioning the new reference sheet next month. To those of you who made it to the end of this, thank you for reading the entire thing. This has been Revy, giving you a report on how my life has been since the 3 month mark of HRT. May the stars guide you along a safe and prosperous path.
In December, I got my name legally changed, which was a huge milestone for me as a trans person. I also entered into a polycule with two women who were friends of mine a few days after that while staying at their place for the holidays. However, my reason for being there is where the screwed up stuff starts. My IRL mother's boyfriend (specifying that because my close friend
Slyspirit has been more of a motherly figure to me over the years) moved in and got abusive towards me within days. It began as verbal harassment, but I left because it was already a mentally difficult time due to how much stress I was already under from the anxiety about my name change prior to the actual hearing for it. After I got a rather threatening message on Facebook from him, I didn't return to my former residence (more on that later) until halfway through January.. When I had returned, the boyfriend's disdain for me had somehow gotten worse despite the fact I had not been around at all. He started throwing things at me, which graduated into a physical altercation and attempts to starve me for not obeying him as if he owned me. I attempted to get a restraining order, which wound up being declined after two weeks because the judge somehow justified him verbally threatening my physical safety after it was stated that I'm transgender. Both my IRL mother and her boyfriend constantly deadname and misgender me, acting like my identity doesn't exist. If you think that's the end, it isn't. After several more months of dealing with quickly escalating abuse, the one final incident was me being threatened with a metal baseball bat next my face and having my phone stolen from my hand. Fortunately I had a backup that I used to contact my IRL mother, who wasn't home at the time, with the Wi-Fi signal. She called the police, who did nothing because there were no signs of a struggle and he had gone out to walk the dog like it was a normal day. Me being visibly traumatized (as if I wasn't already enough by that point because of all the crap I've lived through) wasn't enough for them to make the arrest despite the fact it was clear something had happened to me. I began carrying a bugout bag with me constantly, and a couple of days later, while I was at an event with my case manager to get some new clothes for free (since my wardrobe is still in the process of being replaced and I will take any chances to do so that I get), I told them what had happened and they got my connected with other people who helped me escape. I was placed into protective services for victims of domestic violence. I was escorted back to my former residence to pack a suitcase with at least a week's worth of clothes and whatever personal items I wanted to take with me. My IRL mother and her boyfriend were not told what was going on, nobody spoke to them, they just saw me come in with someone and leave with a packed suitcase. I was placed into a hotel a few miles away, and a couple of days later, I was moved across the state because I agreed to it. For 2 and a half weeks, I have been safe. I am checked on every so often while they search for a place for me to live permanently. In the meantime, I will be kept at this location, which I can not disclose due to a confidentiality agreement. I still wake up from nightmares every night, sometimes in a cold sweat, sometimes screaming, and sometimes thrashing. I will not recover from this any time soon, and I may never fully recover from the trauma of what I have experienced since December.However, there were moments of light. I switched to patches in January and saw nearly immediate changes. I now look almost completely different to the way I did at this same time last year. I have made more friends, and have begun building a stronger support network. I have come to understand and accept that I'm non-binary, and have fully embraced my identity as such. I'm taking Finnish lessons as part of the long process of preparing to eventually move to Finland like I have wanted to for years. In March,
Nervous_Bird and I had our first anniversary, which was a very bright light in an otherwise bad time in my life. It has also been 10 years since we met and the course of my life was changed. Right now, my future feels uncertain, but I know that whatever happens, it will lead to me being there in her arms eventually. My birthday is coming up on the sixth of June, and doubles as the one year since I started Hormone Replacement Therapy. As one final note, I have been working on a redesign/rebranding of my fursona as part of trying to move on from things. I will possibly be commissioning the new reference sheet next month. To those of you who made it to the end of this, thank you for reading the entire thing. This has been Revy, giving you a report on how my life has been since the 3 month mark of HRT. May the stars guide you along a safe and prosperous path.