Hey guys,
recent weeks were pretty difficult for me as I've been dealing with a lot of personal mental stress recently with all my work recently, mainly mostly just having to deal with a faulty crappy laptop with faulty keyboard and glitchy screen I use for all my work, atm I am close to saving enough which should be a problem so hopefully I get myself a fully custom built computer I can use from the comfort of my home.
With that everything that I do revolves around my device and not having anything to work on is a huge stress load to me.

Anyways here is the main thing. By the way this dream I had may be a little graphic so if you dont like to read dark and depressing stories from my mindscape please ignore.


I am being haunted by my past. I usually don't have dreams but for some reason I've constantly been having nightmares and it is most likely due to my stress load I get these constant dreams about me being back in elementary school and just doing awful, always being behind and not knowing what is going on like I used to fall back on everything, never having the courage to talk to my teachers and just being a target of bulling, all this came back recently to haunt me and I couldn't sleep peacefully for almost two weeks now.

Last night was the worst as I had a nightmare being once again behind some literature writing class and having my teacher publicly humiliated for not knowing anything, all that followed with me for some reason having to go to a event in a theater in middle of a dark snowy night, somehow without any clues I just made it and this is a common theme for all my nightmares "I seem to juuust make it" and after the event for some reason I was started to be bullied by my classmates, throwing snowballs at me as I used my books to protect myself, and then for some reason I just snapped and let loose on everyone smacking people with my heavy book, and from mocking laughter the voice turned into screams and shouts of "what is wrong with you? Are you retarded? You are so fucking weird!" and it didn't helped there where I even hit by accident my at the time friendly classmates (not friends, I never had friends at any school) and in the end I just felt to my knees and screamed from the top of my lungs...
"WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME?! ITS BEEN 15 YEARS ALREADY, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!" and then... it just got dark, I curled up into a ball crying my eyes out... and eventually waking up with my eyes flowing in tears... and this seems to be following me ever since.

I honestly don't know what to make of these nightmares, I feel like I need to visit my old schools and check what has changed, maybe that would help me and my mind to finally rest. I just had such a horrible childhood growing up in schools that it always seems like I've never really fit or belonged anywhere. and the more older I get the more isolated I feel.

I am sorry if this is kinda depressing but I feel comfortable enough to share this with you people. I hope you can understand how grateful I am to have an audience and wonderful friends to help me see the light in the darkest hours.
To everyone I personally thank you for all you have done for me and I am sure this wont be the last time as I am planning huge and amazing projects to share with you. I just hope that everyone here enjoys my work and is happy with the work I do. I do my very best.

- Dingo