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Self-rant (LONG)
2 years ago
Many may or may not know but I usually wear a smile 90% of the time, as I am usually always depressed but I hide it cause I don't like ruining the days of my friends and such with my dark clouds of negativity.
Sadly, the smile I wear gets cracks and those cracks keep getting longer as time goes... Leading to my actual feels coming out, like now.
This is nothing new though, this has just been building for YEARS, since I was like 20-21yo but with how life has chosen the road I am on just has been making it grow worse. Yes the whole MS, being wheelchair bound unable to walk was hit on me but what really has been weighing on me is everything else around that.
Like... I don't know why I am even in the community still, I don't write nor can I draw anymore (MS again), I hardly RP anymore, buying commissions is even becoming a rarity as I never have the funds for them unless NOTHING happens and I save for like months beforehand as I only get MAYBE $100 a month (after all the bills and such) so use on my self, IF nothing else pops up... Soooooo besides just faving things and the occasional comment, not really doing anything.
I'm in so many servers in discord that I rarely, if EVER say or do anything in and I know so many people I almost never talk too which I HATE, and if you're one of them seeing this, I am honestly sorry we don't talk as much as we or I'd like.
I've know so many who've just kinda left or faded away from friendship cause of this.
All I do nowadays is watch Youtube or play video games, I don't hardly do much in the furry community, FA or whatever so dunno why am in it, I can't go to furry meets/cons which was something I always wanted to do last once. *shrugs*
I have characters I haven't/can't do anything with, Kade, my Indominus Rex I had since 2015 and took 5-6 years before I got anything with him and same will likely happen to my newest dragon Ayzen.
I'm sorry if this sours peoples vore day or just day in general, didn't mean for it too but just needed to express how I feel I don't have any worth in the community anymore, I know I'll have friends who say other wise but doesn't change how I feel.
Been in the furry community since 2004 and I guess after these almost 20 years, I've grown and hit the peak of my time in it years ago and guessing i'm on the downward slope of it now.
I know this is just one big whine-fest of a "oh woe is me" rant but I don't care, I just want and needed to say things, I'm tired of always holding things in and my depression ever growing each year isn't helping.
Hope you all have a good day/night, don't let my ramblings ruin things for you, stay happy and such.
I'm not going to hurt myself or do something stupid so don't worry, just not feeling all too happy or worth much currently.
Edit: Fuck... Didn't mean to disable comments for this, sorry again.
Sadly, the smile I wear gets cracks and those cracks keep getting longer as time goes... Leading to my actual feels coming out, like now.
This is nothing new though, this has just been building for YEARS, since I was like 20-21yo but with how life has chosen the road I am on just has been making it grow worse. Yes the whole MS, being wheelchair bound unable to walk was hit on me but what really has been weighing on me is everything else around that.
Like... I don't know why I am even in the community still, I don't write nor can I draw anymore (MS again), I hardly RP anymore, buying commissions is even becoming a rarity as I never have the funds for them unless NOTHING happens and I save for like months beforehand as I only get MAYBE $100 a month (after all the bills and such) so use on my self, IF nothing else pops up... Soooooo besides just faving things and the occasional comment, not really doing anything.
I'm in so many servers in discord that I rarely, if EVER say or do anything in and I know so many people I almost never talk too which I HATE, and if you're one of them seeing this, I am honestly sorry we don't talk as much as we or I'd like.
I've know so many who've just kinda left or faded away from friendship cause of this.
All I do nowadays is watch Youtube or play video games, I don't hardly do much in the furry community, FA or whatever so dunno why am in it, I can't go to furry meets/cons which was something I always wanted to do last once. *shrugs*
I have characters I haven't/can't do anything with, Kade, my Indominus Rex I had since 2015 and took 5-6 years before I got anything with him and same will likely happen to my newest dragon Ayzen.
I'm sorry if this sours peoples vore day or just day in general, didn't mean for it too but just needed to express how I feel I don't have any worth in the community anymore, I know I'll have friends who say other wise but doesn't change how I feel.
Been in the furry community since 2004 and I guess after these almost 20 years, I've grown and hit the peak of my time in it years ago and guessing i'm on the downward slope of it now.
I know this is just one big whine-fest of a "oh woe is me" rant but I don't care, I just want and needed to say things, I'm tired of always holding things in and my depression ever growing each year isn't helping.
Hope you all have a good day/night, don't let my ramblings ruin things for you, stay happy and such.
I'm not going to hurt myself or do something stupid so don't worry, just not feeling all too happy or worth much currently.
Edit: Fuck... Didn't mean to disable comments for this, sorry again.
Comment posting has been disabled by the journal owner.
