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Fuck Therapy
2 years ago
General
So after 4 months and only 3 sessions of this shit I can say that not only is it not helping, it's making me feel even more anxious and upset every time I go. My therapist has also cancelled or rescheduled on me multiple times and on my second visit the receptionist told me that I didn't have an appointment today. Which is bullshit, because I'm not even the one who gets to pick the day I get to go! After getting frustrated and threating for a new therapist, they then magically found my appointment and blamed their stupidity on the computer. Yeah... I'm sure it was the fucking computer's fault.
I get the same stupid questions every time. Thinking of killing yourself? Harming others? Wanna be put on meds? I finally gave in last session and said yes to the meds if it'll finally just shut her the fuck up! So I've been on antidepressants for about 3 weeks now. I guess they have been working? Because I don't feel suicidal or as sad anymore. But at the same time I also don't feel happy. I just feel empty. Like everything now is just a constant state of "meh." Should I get up on time for work? Meh. Should I work on commissions? Meh. I'd say this is even more of a problem then being sad. At least when I'm sad I'm also putting myself down for not getting any work done. Being content with just laying in bed all day is not a good thing. During today's session I tried making it as crystal clear to my therapist as I could that this is my current state on the antidepressants. Her response was, "Well, the antidepressants aren't just a quick band-aid fix to all of your problems. Nothing is going to FIX you except yourself." Ohhhh ok.... Well then why the fuck did you want me on antidepressants so bad you stupid bitch!? It almost feels like she WAS hoping it would be a quick band-aid fix until it wasn't.
She then started asking a lot of questions that my parents still ask to this day. "What are your life goals?" "What do you think would make your life better?" To which my response was, "I don't know." Which she would not allow me to give as an answer. All of my dreams have been crushed. All of my goals I never accomplished. As it stands right now, my goal in life is to never become homeless. Despite telling me that there were no wrong answers beforehand... this was the wrong answer. She then wanted me to come up with my idealistic perfect world from sunup to sundown. Lady... do you honestly think I'm just going to drop all of that shit on you just on the fly? About how my dream life would be busty, horny, anime and furry women running around that let me have sex with them whenever I want? That I want to be a muscular twink with long black hair, pointy elf ears, and random powers I can just make up? NO! The less you know about me being a weird sex pervert the better. So because I didn't have answer for her, my response was, "More money and a my own house." I'm pretty sure this is a thing most people want. Her response was basically just, "Well what would that accomplish?"
Now I want to make something abundantly clear before I continue. I am NOT obsessed with money. Most of the time money changes people for the worst. But living in California has proven to me that you NEED to be rich in order to exist here. So my follow up response was, "Having money fixes all problems." Again, no WRONG answers according to her! Yet her response to that was, "Well is money going to fix your depression!?" I was fucking speechless. I still can't believe this cunt said this to me. From there I was DONE. Every question after that I just answered with "I don't know" because I knew it's what she didn't want to hear. She then asked how I was feeling and I just said, "anxious and I just wanna go home." To which she ended the session early. Thank fucking christ. She then asked if I wanted more sessions to which I replied, "no." She then tried asking the same shit that she has asked every single session that I have explained multiple times at this point that the answer is still NO. "Do you want to be put in group therapy?" NOOOO!!! If I can't even handle a one on one session... what makes you think I will do better in a group setting!? It's like having trouble with a math problem and then being told, well you just need MORE math problems!
At the end of the day, I'm right back where I started if not worse, because every session has me leaving in tears which I was under the impression that this was supposed to have an opposite effect, because that's what everyone has told me. And that's what pisses me off the most. Everyone just TELLS me what I should be doing, but nobody has the kind enough capacity to SHOW me what I should be doing. Which are two completely different things. For instance, I'm terrified of women and romance. I'd LOVE to have a girlfriend or at the very least someone who gives a shit about my well being... but I'm too nervous and awkward and I don't know how to get over it. What should I do? The response I always here is just, "Well you should get over it and just do it!" Like WOW WOW! That really fucking helped! I'm breaking down in tears almost every day and I don't know how to help myself! "Oh man that sucks! Tough shit! Have you tried NOT being sad!? The only person who can help you is yourself! Here's "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs" again for the 100th time!"
There I go again. Back to being sad and upset.
I get the same stupid questions every time. Thinking of killing yourself? Harming others? Wanna be put on meds? I finally gave in last session and said yes to the meds if it'll finally just shut her the fuck up! So I've been on antidepressants for about 3 weeks now. I guess they have been working? Because I don't feel suicidal or as sad anymore. But at the same time I also don't feel happy. I just feel empty. Like everything now is just a constant state of "meh." Should I get up on time for work? Meh. Should I work on commissions? Meh. I'd say this is even more of a problem then being sad. At least when I'm sad I'm also putting myself down for not getting any work done. Being content with just laying in bed all day is not a good thing. During today's session I tried making it as crystal clear to my therapist as I could that this is my current state on the antidepressants. Her response was, "Well, the antidepressants aren't just a quick band-aid fix to all of your problems. Nothing is going to FIX you except yourself." Ohhhh ok.... Well then why the fuck did you want me on antidepressants so bad you stupid bitch!? It almost feels like she WAS hoping it would be a quick band-aid fix until it wasn't.
She then started asking a lot of questions that my parents still ask to this day. "What are your life goals?" "What do you think would make your life better?" To which my response was, "I don't know." Which she would not allow me to give as an answer. All of my dreams have been crushed. All of my goals I never accomplished. As it stands right now, my goal in life is to never become homeless. Despite telling me that there were no wrong answers beforehand... this was the wrong answer. She then wanted me to come up with my idealistic perfect world from sunup to sundown. Lady... do you honestly think I'm just going to drop all of that shit on you just on the fly? About how my dream life would be busty, horny, anime and furry women running around that let me have sex with them whenever I want? That I want to be a muscular twink with long black hair, pointy elf ears, and random powers I can just make up? NO! The less you know about me being a weird sex pervert the better. So because I didn't have answer for her, my response was, "More money and a my own house." I'm pretty sure this is a thing most people want. Her response was basically just, "Well what would that accomplish?"
Now I want to make something abundantly clear before I continue. I am NOT obsessed with money. Most of the time money changes people for the worst. But living in California has proven to me that you NEED to be rich in order to exist here. So my follow up response was, "Having money fixes all problems." Again, no WRONG answers according to her! Yet her response to that was, "Well is money going to fix your depression!?" I was fucking speechless. I still can't believe this cunt said this to me. From there I was DONE. Every question after that I just answered with "I don't know" because I knew it's what she didn't want to hear. She then asked how I was feeling and I just said, "anxious and I just wanna go home." To which she ended the session early. Thank fucking christ. She then asked if I wanted more sessions to which I replied, "no." She then tried asking the same shit that she has asked every single session that I have explained multiple times at this point that the answer is still NO. "Do you want to be put in group therapy?" NOOOO!!! If I can't even handle a one on one session... what makes you think I will do better in a group setting!? It's like having trouble with a math problem and then being told, well you just need MORE math problems!
At the end of the day, I'm right back where I started if not worse, because every session has me leaving in tears which I was under the impression that this was supposed to have an opposite effect, because that's what everyone has told me. And that's what pisses me off the most. Everyone just TELLS me what I should be doing, but nobody has the kind enough capacity to SHOW me what I should be doing. Which are two completely different things. For instance, I'm terrified of women and romance. I'd LOVE to have a girlfriend or at the very least someone who gives a shit about my well being... but I'm too nervous and awkward and I don't know how to get over it. What should I do? The response I always here is just, "Well you should get over it and just do it!" Like WOW WOW! That really fucking helped! I'm breaking down in tears almost every day and I don't know how to help myself! "Oh man that sucks! Tough shit! Have you tried NOT being sad!? The only person who can help you is yourself! Here's "Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs" again for the 100th time!"
There I go again. Back to being sad and upset.
Therapy isn't the answer for everyone, either, but it does work for a lot of people.
Drugs are also rarely a real answer. It's usually something beyond simple brain chemistry, but it's so much easier to just prescribe something.
Your Therapist was shit but they aren't all shit
Therapy may just not be what you need to help
It's not easy... and I'm sorry she couldn't/wouldn't/didn't help you
Thou like the others say therapy is not for everyone.
Thou talking about your feelings and problems does help. One just need to find a better listener
Might be a good idea to try and find a better therapist. Cause not all of them are like this.
Like sikfock also said, therapy isn't always a good option, because it's supposed to be essentially a screaming session. If airing one's grievances about the world to someone doesn't help, then it just might not been the right method to use.