When I was ten I was sure I would not live beyond 20 I thought I had cancer because of a hernia in my ball sack that had remained their untill the age of 16 but beyond that I just always had a baseline feeling of the finality of a death at 20.

It didn't happen, who knows why but for some reason almost like destiny forgot me or Fate was out sick that year my 20th birthday came and passed and I lived on.

Ever since then it just feel sick like all the threads of life are loosely holding it together deteriorating and fraying in a reality that was not meant to be. Like the world is rejecting a foreign material within it. Im falling apart in everyway dropping weight with out trying bumbling my way through social and personal relationship.

I wasn't meant to live to this age,My 31st birthday is this Saturday and I just wish it wasn't.