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Let's Talk For Realsies Stuff -- Read, or Don't
2 years ago
General
I'm not sure how many of my watchers even care about my existence or will read this. But, it's up here.
But, I've had depression. For a very long time. I feel like it's gotten worse to the point where it's hit the anhedonia mark. (That is where you've lost pleasure in things that you used to enjoy)
Every time I think I'll open up commissions, excited for it, excited to be able to draw something new... that excitement just fades, I can't force myself to do any art, and then I just have to stop.
It's frustrating as hell and I can't help but reel back in shame and in isolation. I just can't enjoy art right now.
And that's really devastating to me, because I want to love it. I still do. There's a lot of things I still want to draw.
No, I'm not going to give up with it. But at the moment, I'm not entirely sure how to combat "anhedonia". I've read a few solutions; one involving trying out a different hobby. Hell if I know what else I'd like.
I'd like to try and do Twitch streaming. Why? I'm not a social person. I hate socializing.
As a teeny weenie kid, I used to force my brother to watch me play video games. I couldn't play anything without him watching me. It made me so happy. So I'd like to try and see if that would help any, or at all. Heck, it might even motivate me to draw little doodles on stream every now and again. (Actually, if I can get to affiliate, that's one of my points rewards; forcing me to do some kind of in-stream doodle)
If you want... it'd mean a lot.
https://www.twitch.tv/vempyremon
I don't know, it's an attempt. I'm trying. I don't know how to do things to feel happy right now.
But, I've had depression. For a very long time. I feel like it's gotten worse to the point where it's hit the anhedonia mark. (That is where you've lost pleasure in things that you used to enjoy)
Every time I think I'll open up commissions, excited for it, excited to be able to draw something new... that excitement just fades, I can't force myself to do any art, and then I just have to stop.
It's frustrating as hell and I can't help but reel back in shame and in isolation. I just can't enjoy art right now.
And that's really devastating to me, because I want to love it. I still do. There's a lot of things I still want to draw.
No, I'm not going to give up with it. But at the moment, I'm not entirely sure how to combat "anhedonia". I've read a few solutions; one involving trying out a different hobby. Hell if I know what else I'd like.
I'd like to try and do Twitch streaming. Why? I'm not a social person. I hate socializing.
As a teeny weenie kid, I used to force my brother to watch me play video games. I couldn't play anything without him watching me. It made me so happy. So I'd like to try and see if that would help any, or at all. Heck, it might even motivate me to draw little doodles on stream every now and again. (Actually, if I can get to affiliate, that's one of my points rewards; forcing me to do some kind of in-stream doodle)
If you want... it'd mean a lot.
https://www.twitch.tv/vempyremon
I don't know, it's an attempt. I'm trying. I don't know how to do things to feel happy right now.
though as a tiny derg that'd be hard
I think art-streaming could be good for you :3
hopefully building yourself a little twitch community might help to combat that and provide you with another creative outlet that isnt drawing! Best of luck with it! <3
And if you don't have an audience (which is currently still my problem), then it can be just an excuse to draw or play a game.
You've got nothing but your time to lose, so if you're considering it, I say go for it.
For me, being very careful about diet takes the edge off. Extra magnesium, iodine, and B vitamins usually get me to where I'm at least functional. I have to want it from there though.
In the past I've had luck switching medium. Going from art to music to writing, any time I can't make one work or I hate my work so much I can't stand to look at it.
It doesn't help a lot of the time, but some is better than none.
Counseling can help, but the odds of having enough money to "shop around" fur the right counselor in this day and age are pretty remote.
If you can, make sure to spend time with friends in meatspace.
The twitch thing may help, i gotta get in touch with you too again. Been dealing some depression myself too :(
I am here for you friend if you need me. Please hang in there.