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Sorry that I don't draw so much now.
2 years ago
I rarely complain in my journals. But I can't stand the stress anymore.(And I’m also very embarrassed and ashamed to write about this. I’m used to coping with everything myself.)
I'm an artist who survives solely on commissions and what little money I get from patreon (really thanks to everyone who supports me there...I really appreciate it)
And now my savings are going down the drain. Starting from the fact that I myself have been going to doctors since the summer, trying to find out what is refusing to work in my body. (yes, those who follow Twitter, I’m still figuring out what’s broken in me. But my tests have gotten better after therapy and my blood pressure is under control on the pills)
I hate this fall, my older dogs get sick after each other. I am used to the usual aging diseases of these animals. The note's intensified cough showed a dark spot in the lung on the X-ray. The veterinarian assumes that this is a commissure, but has not yet given the go-ahead for a CT scan, because the dog is old and it will be difficult for her to endure another anesthesia + because of her trachea, she cannot be intubated again. Therefore - observation and breathing oxygen with a bunch of drugs.
And for the second day something is bothering Bamsi, she is nervous and does not behave as usual, her stomach probably hurts again (in August I treated her peristalsis, the dog did not digest food and suffered from intestinal inflammation)(I won’t describe the symptoms, but the first time I was terrified and thought that the dog was dying)
Vasya’s heart pills are out of stock again (I hope they will appear while we have enough supplies), and the analogue gives her a stomach ache.
In addition, tumors began to emerge in the elderly rats, but here I had already made a decision - euthanasia as soon as the animals showed signs of pain. I don't want my girls to suffer. And judging by how quickly the black rat’s tumor is growing, goodbye is close. T_T
And against the backdrop of the fact that there are very few new orders (or rather none), the thought becomes more acute in me that I am a bad artist with crooked hands. (hello midlife crisis hahaha) I’ll probably delete this magazine later, when the anxiety goes away.
ha, ha...the silent artist is suddenly a living person
I'm an artist who survives solely on commissions and what little money I get from patreon (really thanks to everyone who supports me there...I really appreciate it)
And now my savings are going down the drain. Starting from the fact that I myself have been going to doctors since the summer, trying to find out what is refusing to work in my body. (yes, those who follow Twitter, I’m still figuring out what’s broken in me. But my tests have gotten better after therapy and my blood pressure is under control on the pills)
I hate this fall, my older dogs get sick after each other. I am used to the usual aging diseases of these animals. The note's intensified cough showed a dark spot in the lung on the X-ray. The veterinarian assumes that this is a commissure, but has not yet given the go-ahead for a CT scan, because the dog is old and it will be difficult for her to endure another anesthesia + because of her trachea, she cannot be intubated again. Therefore - observation and breathing oxygen with a bunch of drugs.
And for the second day something is bothering Bamsi, she is nervous and does not behave as usual, her stomach probably hurts again (in August I treated her peristalsis, the dog did not digest food and suffered from intestinal inflammation)(I won’t describe the symptoms, but the first time I was terrified and thought that the dog was dying)
Vasya’s heart pills are out of stock again (I hope they will appear while we have enough supplies), and the analogue gives her a stomach ache.
In addition, tumors began to emerge in the elderly rats, but here I had already made a decision - euthanasia as soon as the animals showed signs of pain. I don't want my girls to suffer. And judging by how quickly the black rat’s tumor is growing, goodbye is close. T_T
And against the backdrop of the fact that there are very few new orders (or rather none), the thought becomes more acute in me that I am a bad artist with crooked hands. (hello midlife crisis hahaha) I’ll probably delete this magazine later, when the anxiety goes away.
ha, ha...the silent artist is suddenly a living person
I wouldn't stress over the idea of 'No commissions = I'm bad as an artist' - Your art is quite good! The economy, however, just sucks and I think a lot of artists are feeling the same way with less commissions coming in the last little while because of it :(
I'm just used to fighting everything on my own, and when problems come one after another, my brain can't stand it. And against the backdrop of the crisis, my paranoia is intensifying that something is wrong with me. (Moreover, I have always been an “ugly duckling” among other artists, due to my specific style)
And it's alright to go through tough times or to ask people for help/emotional support here and there, we all go through shit at some point or another \o/