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Thanks and Reflecting (depressing journal)
2 years ago
First off thanks everyone for the comments and condolences, they do help, I just didn't feel up to responding to everyone but I appreciated it.
Be warned, I'm talking about my cat's death and mourning. If you're not in the right head space for this, please don't read on. You can skip this journal.
I thought I would take some time to talk a bit more about what happened as my last message was vague because I couldn't think well but needed to just put it out there. It was just a really traumatic experience to go from having a normal cat to being tossed into you either needing a specialist to find out the real cause or put her down and the Specialist will probably have the same outcome. It's like everything I could tell at the time told me she needed to be put down. from what the doc was telling me to looking stuff up online. What they found was several high levels of whatever in her liver, then when they looked at it they found multiple lesions in her liver. They couldn't test if it was infection or cancer. Even if we got a specialist to figure this out, cats don't really bounce back from this well. So it's a 90% mortality rate. So there was no point in putting her through the testing and being moved between doctors while in pain from this. We were both there when they put her to sleep too. I felt a wave of sickness after that. as I said I threw up halfway home. Being home my mind was just mad and worried that I made the wrong choice and I put down a perfectly fine cat, I ended her, what if they were lying to us, kind of thoughts were filling my head. The next day my mother-in-law did some research on liver disease in cats and said if she was spewing like she was, the lesions were so big they were pushing on her intestines, and there is no fixing it at this point. So we made the right choice. We just didn't see any other symptoms before this. She was a reserved cat and liked doing things a cat in pain would probably do. She was lazy and slept in different locations. She never really liked to play. I think we were slightly aware that she had been wanting to play less than normal. She did puke a bit to concern me but we told our vet and he just shrugged it off. I'm am kind of thinking of going to a new place idk. we are not a big city so we only have two options unless we drive hours away.
Chris and I took a few days off. We had things around the place to do but had a hard time doing things, we wanted to just sit around and mess around on our phones being numb. The place just feels oddly quiet. As I said she was a reserved cat, and only really saw her around food time. But it's like a huge shift in the house and we don't like it. I wish I could tell Nari (our other cat) what happened. She seems to be acting like her normal self but we see her looking around for Malla sometimes. She has been a bit more clingy but not sure if she doing that because she sees how sad we are. Chris brought in Malla's career and she was freaking out wanting to inspect it. It broke our hearts.
I'm starting to get worked up talking about this and feel kind of dumb typing this up. I don't know if it's right to do or whatever.
I can say, We did our best to make sure Malla was a happy cat. Maybe there was more we could have done for her. but our vet always commented on how shiny our cat's fur is, saying that's a sign that they are happy and healthy. We try to play and keep them active and feed them the right foods to the best of our knowledge.
I feel bad talking about this? but we want to get a new cat. We don't like Nari, not having a buddy. But not sure when or if it's the right thing to do. Nari is about 8 years old. We read that you should wait 3 months for your other cat to settle out. That feels too long. We heard a co-worker say she had to get a new dog after 2 weeks because the quietness was driving her nuts, even though she has a husband and another dog with her. If anyone has advice on this I would be happy to hear it.
Be warned, I'm talking about my cat's death and mourning. If you're not in the right head space for this, please don't read on. You can skip this journal.
I thought I would take some time to talk a bit more about what happened as my last message was vague because I couldn't think well but needed to just put it out there. It was just a really traumatic experience to go from having a normal cat to being tossed into you either needing a specialist to find out the real cause or put her down and the Specialist will probably have the same outcome. It's like everything I could tell at the time told me she needed to be put down. from what the doc was telling me to looking stuff up online. What they found was several high levels of whatever in her liver, then when they looked at it they found multiple lesions in her liver. They couldn't test if it was infection or cancer. Even if we got a specialist to figure this out, cats don't really bounce back from this well. So it's a 90% mortality rate. So there was no point in putting her through the testing and being moved between doctors while in pain from this. We were both there when they put her to sleep too. I felt a wave of sickness after that. as I said I threw up halfway home. Being home my mind was just mad and worried that I made the wrong choice and I put down a perfectly fine cat, I ended her, what if they were lying to us, kind of thoughts were filling my head. The next day my mother-in-law did some research on liver disease in cats and said if she was spewing like she was, the lesions were so big they were pushing on her intestines, and there is no fixing it at this point. So we made the right choice. We just didn't see any other symptoms before this. She was a reserved cat and liked doing things a cat in pain would probably do. She was lazy and slept in different locations. She never really liked to play. I think we were slightly aware that she had been wanting to play less than normal. She did puke a bit to concern me but we told our vet and he just shrugged it off. I'm am kind of thinking of going to a new place idk. we are not a big city so we only have two options unless we drive hours away.
Chris and I took a few days off. We had things around the place to do but had a hard time doing things, we wanted to just sit around and mess around on our phones being numb. The place just feels oddly quiet. As I said she was a reserved cat, and only really saw her around food time. But it's like a huge shift in the house and we don't like it. I wish I could tell Nari (our other cat) what happened. She seems to be acting like her normal self but we see her looking around for Malla sometimes. She has been a bit more clingy but not sure if she doing that because she sees how sad we are. Chris brought in Malla's career and she was freaking out wanting to inspect it. It broke our hearts.
I'm starting to get worked up talking about this and feel kind of dumb typing this up. I don't know if it's right to do or whatever.
I can say, We did our best to make sure Malla was a happy cat. Maybe there was more we could have done for her. but our vet always commented on how shiny our cat's fur is, saying that's a sign that they are happy and healthy. We try to play and keep them active and feed them the right foods to the best of our knowledge.
I feel bad talking about this? but we want to get a new cat. We don't like Nari, not having a buddy. But not sure when or if it's the right thing to do. Nari is about 8 years old. We read that you should wait 3 months for your other cat to settle out. That feels too long. We heard a co-worker say she had to get a new dog after 2 weeks because the quietness was driving her nuts, even though she has a husband and another dog with her. If anyone has advice on this I would be happy to hear it.
Don't feel bad about talking about getting a new cat. It doesn't mean you love Malla any less or haven't given enough time to mourn.
Perhaps you could look into fostering a cat? That way, you can see how Nari handles a new cat before committing to adopting. Take it at your own pace and don't feel guilty.
We just talked about foster care. Not sure how it works but it could be an option.
To be honest, I've never adopted or fostered a shelter pet (Any cats I have owned have always come to me via the cat distribution system... lol) so I don't know the ends and outs, but I'm sure there must be animal shelters in your area that would be happy to hear from you and answer any questions you may have about the process. Even if fostering isn't the route you take, I'm sure they would be glad to point out cats that are used to living with other animals. All cats are different, of course. It will be an adjustment either way. Just take it at your own pace.