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weird time of the year
2 years ago
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Its kind of strange to think that all that stuff happened a year ago.
This monday I happened to be on a horribly sad and aloof mood, without any particular reason. I tough it was just stress or hormones or something like that, until late on the evening I recieved a text from my mom telling me that day marked the first year aniversary of the death of my tía Isa. Im not calling her "aunty" or "aunt" because I cant bring myself to call her anything else than tia. To me she was my sweet, beloved tia Isa.
Its not the only one year aniversary that I have on this week no. I have a weird tendacy to take buses or trains out of town whenever I feel overwhelmed by things that are out of my control, as if to say "hey at least I have some agency about where I am"
Im pretty social and have lots of contacts here and there, so Ive never had issues couch surfing. This isnt safe tho and it has lead me to some sticky situations. Two days after tia Isa´s death, I dived head first into one.
Picture this, 8 PM, my last train home has just taken off without me and the next one leaves at 6 AM the next morning. The friend that lend me a couch worked the night shift that day and lived way too far away from the statition, my phone was dying, it was raining... I had one last card up my sleve tho, I sent a "u up" to a guy I knew lived nearby. Ive never seen him irl and it was a dangerous thing to do but I had to take a gamble and well.
I only really saw him twice and I know it sounds inmature and childish, because it is. But I truly believe that I fell in love with the guy. I say it with my full heart, he was my first love.
Ive never been the type to get in a relationship but with that specific dude, heh, who knows.
I knew I was catching feelings, thats the weird thing about it. Untill then I tough when you fall in love you fall and thats it, but iit turns out (at least in my case) its more of a thing you have to allow yourself to do. Its a risk you take and I decided to make a gamble.
Turns out I lost and wow does it hurt. But im glad I let myself take the risk. The only bad side is that this week I mourn two things, the loss of my tia Isa and the loss of my first love.
This monday I happened to be on a horribly sad and aloof mood, without any particular reason. I tough it was just stress or hormones or something like that, until late on the evening I recieved a text from my mom telling me that day marked the first year aniversary of the death of my tía Isa. Im not calling her "aunty" or "aunt" because I cant bring myself to call her anything else than tia. To me she was my sweet, beloved tia Isa.
Its not the only one year aniversary that I have on this week no. I have a weird tendacy to take buses or trains out of town whenever I feel overwhelmed by things that are out of my control, as if to say "hey at least I have some agency about where I am"
Im pretty social and have lots of contacts here and there, so Ive never had issues couch surfing. This isnt safe tho and it has lead me to some sticky situations. Two days after tia Isa´s death, I dived head first into one.
Picture this, 8 PM, my last train home has just taken off without me and the next one leaves at 6 AM the next morning. The friend that lend me a couch worked the night shift that day and lived way too far away from the statition, my phone was dying, it was raining... I had one last card up my sleve tho, I sent a "u up" to a guy I knew lived nearby. Ive never seen him irl and it was a dangerous thing to do but I had to take a gamble and well.
I only really saw him twice and I know it sounds inmature and childish, because it is. But I truly believe that I fell in love with the guy. I say it with my full heart, he was my first love.
Ive never been the type to get in a relationship but with that specific dude, heh, who knows.
I knew I was catching feelings, thats the weird thing about it. Untill then I tough when you fall in love you fall and thats it, but iit turns out (at least in my case) its more of a thing you have to allow yourself to do. Its a risk you take and I decided to make a gamble.
Turns out I lost and wow does it hurt. But im glad I let myself take the risk. The only bad side is that this week I mourn two things, the loss of my tia Isa and the loss of my first love.
