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My Final Month on Furaffinity
2 years ago
After making my last journal, I realised that I have a significant mental health problem, in no small part due to the time I've spent as a member of the NSFW furry community. I've had terrible self-image problems, I've felt no motivation to fulfil my basic survival needs, let alone improve and grow as a person, and I've struggled to sleep at night from unrelenting existential dread and trauma. I used to view furry pornography as my only relief from my struggles, but now I feel that comparison is similar to how an alcoholic views drinking or a drug addict views narcotics.
As much as I enjoy the commissions I've bought over the years, the friends I've made in this circle and the new points of view I've been able to experience, when I look at where I am today and where I was a decade ago, I can't honestly say that the impact has been all that positive. In fact, it's been so negative that up until now I haven't fully opened up about its effect with anyone; not you, not my therapist, not even my own mother.
I don't think furry porn is inherently negative; there are plenty of users who are able to balance a healthy lifestyle with a place in this community. I am not one of those users. I'm an addict, and I need rehabilitation. I've tried to quit being a furry a couple of times in the past, but the temptation to return has always been too strong to resist and too easy to relent to. The only way I have managed to cut a vice like this out of my life in the past is by making a relapse too much of a hassle to follow through on. So that's what I'm going to do here.
On the 12th of December, 2023, I am going to delete my entire presence in the furry fandom.
I will terminate my accounts with FurAffinity, Inkbunny, itaku, Telegram and e621. If I can gain access to my weasyl and sofurry accounts, I will delete those as well. I will also leave any NSFW Discord servers I'm currently signed into, and unfriend anyone with whom I have had no relation outside of sharing and collaborating on NSFW furry artwork. This is the most drastic exit I have ever planned, but it is a necessary step if I am to heal as a person.
However, I have decided to announce my departure in advance so that anyone who is interested in the art I've helped make can preserve it before I wipe my presence from the internet. While many of my commissions will live on via e621 and the original artist's galleries, there are many things that will be lost forever if I deleted them now: commissions I never uploaded, commissions I removed from my galleries, lore dumps and written plans for future commissions, and even my primitive attempts at making my own art.
If any of you are interested in preserving this material, I have compiled every scrap of explicit material I've had a hand in producing over the past nine years into a collection of archives. I haven't put much effort into sorting these files, so there will be many duplicate files, unlabeled triggers and unsorted folders. These archives exist for your benefit more than they do mine. If you're interested in browsing the archives, you can find links in my Discord server: https://discord.com/invite/XtWJMqsg
Alternatively, you can send me a note here on FurAffinity if you want to receive links to the archives directly. For everyone else, I'll probably post links into the journal closer to the day of deletion.
I'd like to take this time to say some final words to everyone reading.
For my followers over the years:
Thank you for your support. I was always happy to see the faves pour in every time I uploaded a commission. I probably shouldn't have spent as much money on these pictures as I did, but knowing I brought some amount of joy to that many people makes me glad to have made the investment. I genuinely wish I could continue buying commissions for you to enjoy, but I need to start putting my own needs first.
For the artists I've recently asked about commissions:
You can consider this my official withdrawal of interest. I probably made a lot more inquiries than I could realistically afford, which is another reason why I believe my interest in NSFW material has become an uncontrollable obsession. I was always worried that I'd be letting you down if I discussed potential commission ideas only to tell you I wouldn't be buying anything, but now that outcome is unavoidable. I apologise for leading you on.
For the artists I've commissioned in the past:
Please don't interpret this decision as me being ashamed of my purchases. I'm genuinely happy with just about everything you all have made for me. Regardless of how your pieces may have turned out, I'm grateful that you gave me the opportunity to work with you, and I'm proud that you were able to deliver on what I asked of you. Please don't feel like you're in any way responsible for my current mental state- the fault is mine for overindulging in furry pornography in general, of which my commissions were a mere fraction.
For the artists currently working on a commission for me:
Given everything I've recently admitted, my confessions and my plans to leave, you might consider cancelling my commission. Let me just say that I've always enjoyed receiving updates from my commissions, and I would be genuinely happy if you persevered to finish my commission before I leave on the 12th of December. Ultimately, though, what you do with the WIP commission is entirely up to you. You can work with me to finish it to my satisfaction, you can cut me off and do what you want with what you have, or you can issue a full or partial refund if that's what you want to do. You can even keep the money and block me if you want. It won't matter after I'm gone.
My plans after the 12th of December
When the day comes on which I delete my presence in the furry fandom, I will turn 28 years old. After a decade of unchecked pornography consumption, I will initiate a newer, healthier phase of my life. At least, that's the plan. I'm fairly convinced that quitting is what I need to do in this situation, so please do what you can to ensure I actually do. If I announce that I've changed my mind and won't quit on the 12th after all, please ignore this announcement and do what you can to shoo me out after my birthday.
I will consider my leave from the furry community to be a success if I am able to secure full-time employment and/or reduce my pornography consumption to healthy levels, where I feel the need to masturbate no more than two or three times a week. I estimate that I'll need at least a year to accomplish this. If I make a new FurAffinity account before 2025, I want you to grill me for evidence that I've been steadily employed for at least a month. If I cannot present such evidence, kick me the fuck out. I will be beyond disappointed if this attempt at self improvement fails after everything I sacrifice for the sake of it.
If you've read this far, then I thank you sincerely for caring so much about me. I'm grateful for the support you've shown me over the years, and I hope you understand that I bear no ill will towards any of you for the way things have turned out for me. If I'm able to turn my life around, I hope I can return to this community and rekindle our connections. If not, then my farewell on the 12th will be my final farewell to you.
One last thing: I sincerely hope that your life has been made better by the art I've commissioned and the thousands of pieces like them, but I also think it's worth analysing the effect it's had on you. What trajectory has your life been on between your first exposure to furry porn and now? I hope you are in a better place than when you started. If not, you might want to consider following my lead. Whatever you decide, know that I only want the best for you, and I'm happy you've been here to support me during my time here.
Let the countdown begin.
As much as I enjoy the commissions I've bought over the years, the friends I've made in this circle and the new points of view I've been able to experience, when I look at where I am today and where I was a decade ago, I can't honestly say that the impact has been all that positive. In fact, it's been so negative that up until now I haven't fully opened up about its effect with anyone; not you, not my therapist, not even my own mother.
I don't think furry porn is inherently negative; there are plenty of users who are able to balance a healthy lifestyle with a place in this community. I am not one of those users. I'm an addict, and I need rehabilitation. I've tried to quit being a furry a couple of times in the past, but the temptation to return has always been too strong to resist and too easy to relent to. The only way I have managed to cut a vice like this out of my life in the past is by making a relapse too much of a hassle to follow through on. So that's what I'm going to do here.
On the 12th of December, 2023, I am going to delete my entire presence in the furry fandom.
I will terminate my accounts with FurAffinity, Inkbunny, itaku, Telegram and e621. If I can gain access to my weasyl and sofurry accounts, I will delete those as well. I will also leave any NSFW Discord servers I'm currently signed into, and unfriend anyone with whom I have had no relation outside of sharing and collaborating on NSFW furry artwork. This is the most drastic exit I have ever planned, but it is a necessary step if I am to heal as a person.
However, I have decided to announce my departure in advance so that anyone who is interested in the art I've helped make can preserve it before I wipe my presence from the internet. While many of my commissions will live on via e621 and the original artist's galleries, there are many things that will be lost forever if I deleted them now: commissions I never uploaded, commissions I removed from my galleries, lore dumps and written plans for future commissions, and even my primitive attempts at making my own art.
If any of you are interested in preserving this material, I have compiled every scrap of explicit material I've had a hand in producing over the past nine years into a collection of archives. I haven't put much effort into sorting these files, so there will be many duplicate files, unlabeled triggers and unsorted folders. These archives exist for your benefit more than they do mine. If you're interested in browsing the archives, you can find links in my Discord server: https://discord.com/invite/XtWJMqsg
Alternatively, you can send me a note here on FurAffinity if you want to receive links to the archives directly. For everyone else, I'll probably post links into the journal closer to the day of deletion.
I'd like to take this time to say some final words to everyone reading.
For my followers over the years:
Thank you for your support. I was always happy to see the faves pour in every time I uploaded a commission. I probably shouldn't have spent as much money on these pictures as I did, but knowing I brought some amount of joy to that many people makes me glad to have made the investment. I genuinely wish I could continue buying commissions for you to enjoy, but I need to start putting my own needs first.
For the artists I've recently asked about commissions:
You can consider this my official withdrawal of interest. I probably made a lot more inquiries than I could realistically afford, which is another reason why I believe my interest in NSFW material has become an uncontrollable obsession. I was always worried that I'd be letting you down if I discussed potential commission ideas only to tell you I wouldn't be buying anything, but now that outcome is unavoidable. I apologise for leading you on.
For the artists I've commissioned in the past:
Please don't interpret this decision as me being ashamed of my purchases. I'm genuinely happy with just about everything you all have made for me. Regardless of how your pieces may have turned out, I'm grateful that you gave me the opportunity to work with you, and I'm proud that you were able to deliver on what I asked of you. Please don't feel like you're in any way responsible for my current mental state- the fault is mine for overindulging in furry pornography in general, of which my commissions were a mere fraction.
For the artists currently working on a commission for me:
Given everything I've recently admitted, my confessions and my plans to leave, you might consider cancelling my commission. Let me just say that I've always enjoyed receiving updates from my commissions, and I would be genuinely happy if you persevered to finish my commission before I leave on the 12th of December. Ultimately, though, what you do with the WIP commission is entirely up to you. You can work with me to finish it to my satisfaction, you can cut me off and do what you want with what you have, or you can issue a full or partial refund if that's what you want to do. You can even keep the money and block me if you want. It won't matter after I'm gone.
My plans after the 12th of December
When the day comes on which I delete my presence in the furry fandom, I will turn 28 years old. After a decade of unchecked pornography consumption, I will initiate a newer, healthier phase of my life. At least, that's the plan. I'm fairly convinced that quitting is what I need to do in this situation, so please do what you can to ensure I actually do. If I announce that I've changed my mind and won't quit on the 12th after all, please ignore this announcement and do what you can to shoo me out after my birthday.
I will consider my leave from the furry community to be a success if I am able to secure full-time employment and/or reduce my pornography consumption to healthy levels, where I feel the need to masturbate no more than two or three times a week. I estimate that I'll need at least a year to accomplish this. If I make a new FurAffinity account before 2025, I want you to grill me for evidence that I've been steadily employed for at least a month. If I cannot present such evidence, kick me the fuck out. I will be beyond disappointed if this attempt at self improvement fails after everything I sacrifice for the sake of it.
If you've read this far, then I thank you sincerely for caring so much about me. I'm grateful for the support you've shown me over the years, and I hope you understand that I bear no ill will towards any of you for the way things have turned out for me. If I'm able to turn my life around, I hope I can return to this community and rekindle our connections. If not, then my farewell on the 12th will be my final farewell to you.
One last thing: I sincerely hope that your life has been made better by the art I've commissioned and the thousands of pieces like them, but I also think it's worth analysing the effect it's had on you. What trajectory has your life been on between your first exposure to furry porn and now? I hope you are in a better place than when you started. If not, you might want to consider following my lead. Whatever you decide, know that I only want the best for you, and I'm happy you've been here to support me during my time here.
Let the countdown begin.
As with anything, stuff like furry art etc should be considered a treat and an extra expense, not a necessity. Your life doesn't change with or without the works, just the pleasantries it can bring.
Personally if I were in your shoes i'd give the accounts to a trusted close friend and let them hold onto them until such times as you're in a safer more manageable place.
Whatever you choose, the fandom will still be here if you come back.
Good luck on your endeavours!
However nuking your gallery and unperson-ing yourself from the internet seems like a bad way to go about it imo. I and others fans strongly recommend you not nuke your gallery.
Maybe I'll keep my e6 account and occasionally lurk around with it, but I don't think I can go back on my promise to delete everything else.
That's why I put together the archives and gave a month's notice. If my art really means that much to you, you can salvage the contents of my archive. Links in the discord, or ask me for them in my DMs.
That said, I support you, and I support a hiatus. As an alternative, less destructive method to remove the temptation, give the accounts to a friend you trust. Changed passwords put them out of reach, and after some agreed-upon time (say, a year from now) you can get the accounts back.
I don't think I can go back on my promise to delete everything else
I don't think any would be particular upset about going back on that promise, either...
I wish ya the best of luck there, Stone.
Nuking your gallery might be too much personally, it's still a legacy being removed all of a sudden. But if it's needed, then hey, let's hope it works.
And hey, don't worry. I'm happy that we managed to work on a commission pic for you, featuring your mud character! And I appreciate that you loved it back then ^^
Maybe I'll have to tone down my fetish side drastically one day, because I'll need to get a move on some personal stuff and life too.
Hey, if you ever come back but you know your limits and feel stronger about yourself, we'll still welcome ya! Again, best of luck to you!
all uploads on fa backup on independ platforms you can't delete permanently
you can see art from your first post on onion backup http://g6jy5jkx466lrqojcngbnksugrcf.....a/sinkingstone
in reality i say i was addicted to yiff, i leave fandom for year and meet irl sexual partners i disappointed in them and found nomal job
but as you can see i combine my irl life and furry lifestyle find balance between, it stupid idea to burn down birdges after leaving community you may be in strong depression , you feel like something disappeared inside you.
Remember: life is not predicted you can win or lose!
you art is good!
As the self-fulfilling prophecy says: no one will leave the furry fandom alive