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The past, present and future of my art
2 years ago
For the past month, I reflected on my art, myself and the future.
Although art takes a considerable amount of time and having a full-time job taking the whole week doesn't help, I had one huge problem: motivation.
My motivation to draw was through jealousy and envy. But that wasn't always the case, it became twisted over time. After a long introspection I may found a solution to all this.
In the beginning, I used to have dragon dreams, one of them being the three dragons who came to visit me and turned me into one of them. Years went by and while it stayed in my mind, I never paid any attention to it... until one day, I saw dragon drawings on Internet. The discovery was stunning: seeing tons of dragons drawn with gorgeous quality blew my mind. Over the months, I noticed a couple of the same dragon characters in these incredible drawings, and it wasn't just on a few drawings, but on many, MANY drawings. Curiosity got me and I looked to one of those dragon’s gallery where I found much more than I thought it was possible.
I was in awe by the quality and quantity of drawings he has, but also jealous and envious that I would never have the chance to get that.
After seeing this same dragon over and over again for years, I decided to draw for the first time and it wasn't easy because I never drew before and I never saw myself doing it. I started to represent the dragon I was in all my dreams. I knew my first drawings would be bad and I didn't mind because I was hopeful with a lot of practice I could (and really, really wanted to) reach the quality of people who could commission big artists.
Seeing these beautiful dragon arts getting tons of interaction was the moment when my jealousy and envy became permanent, took root in me and hurt me to the point I had a mental breakdown for months and I kept going despite it. It was bearable, but the cost of converting my jealousy into "motivation", made it difficult later on.
I didn’t want to stop for two reasons: First, I didn't want all my efforts to be wasted and second, I feared I will be forgotten if I stopped drawing.
In the meantime, I discovered "spiritual journeys" that let me me to see and speak with dragons I saw in my first dream (as well as new dragons) while being my red dragon self. Those experience left me with a sense serenity. I could use this to represent what I see and use my creativity instead of using jealousy and envy.
I already started doing this with a few drawings and I'm doing my best to represent my spiritual journeys, hoping to inspire others on spiritual journeys or maybe my style, story, or just doing the little sparks of creativity and motivation. For now I won't draw much as before, but I won't stop drawing.
This is quite a long journal, I decided to write it in order to move on from my old motivation to the new one, hopefully it will help.
Thank you very much for reading it and supporting me!
Although art takes a considerable amount of time and having a full-time job taking the whole week doesn't help, I had one huge problem: motivation.
My motivation to draw was through jealousy and envy. But that wasn't always the case, it became twisted over time. After a long introspection I may found a solution to all this.
In the beginning, I used to have dragon dreams, one of them being the three dragons who came to visit me and turned me into one of them. Years went by and while it stayed in my mind, I never paid any attention to it... until one day, I saw dragon drawings on Internet. The discovery was stunning: seeing tons of dragons drawn with gorgeous quality blew my mind. Over the months, I noticed a couple of the same dragon characters in these incredible drawings, and it wasn't just on a few drawings, but on many, MANY drawings. Curiosity got me and I looked to one of those dragon’s gallery where I found much more than I thought it was possible.
I was in awe by the quality and quantity of drawings he has, but also jealous and envious that I would never have the chance to get that.
After seeing this same dragon over and over again for years, I decided to draw for the first time and it wasn't easy because I never drew before and I never saw myself doing it. I started to represent the dragon I was in all my dreams. I knew my first drawings would be bad and I didn't mind because I was hopeful with a lot of practice I could (and really, really wanted to) reach the quality of people who could commission big artists.
Seeing these beautiful dragon arts getting tons of interaction was the moment when my jealousy and envy became permanent, took root in me and hurt me to the point I had a mental breakdown for months and I kept going despite it. It was bearable, but the cost of converting my jealousy into "motivation", made it difficult later on.
I didn’t want to stop for two reasons: First, I didn't want all my efforts to be wasted and second, I feared I will be forgotten if I stopped drawing.
In the meantime, I discovered "spiritual journeys" that let me me to see and speak with dragons I saw in my first dream (as well as new dragons) while being my red dragon self. Those experience left me with a sense serenity. I could use this to represent what I see and use my creativity instead of using jealousy and envy.
I already started doing this with a few drawings and I'm doing my best to represent my spiritual journeys, hoping to inspire others on spiritual journeys or maybe my style, story, or just doing the little sparks of creativity and motivation. For now I won't draw much as before, but I won't stop drawing.
This is quite a long journal, I decided to write it in order to move on from my old motivation to the new one, hopefully it will help.
Thank you very much for reading it and supporting me!
And to be honest, now as i read all of this, i could be jealous of your ability to make spiritual journeys
For my part i wasnt ever able to get there or have such an meditative ability, and even dreams are so rare like almost non existant.
Be proud of that what you have and what you managed to get to this point :3
Thank you. I may have luck to have that, or I maybe my mind is absolutely fuckedup now :p
I'm sure you will be able to do that sooner or later
I wanna say that your art has always been a point that I strive to be at, even to this day, even if you may have not know that. And I understand perfectly how it feel to be jealous and envious, I have had quite a couple artists in the past that I felt that way about, but in the end, I'm choosing to focus on what I can do and what I can improve, what I can add to make my ideas and passion come to life
This has been such a nice read and thoughtful exploration through your spiritual journey though! Take care and stay safe!
It's great to see you again. I nuked my DA when they introduced their A-I learning and image creation that's the reason.
I have come a long way to get to this point with art, and I'm sure you followed a similar path. It's nice to see drawings from non-popular artists and see them evolve, I miss your drawings.
Jealousy may have been my core motivation, now when I look back to drawings I envied or even new drawings from people with tons of attentions, I don't have the same feeling since I feel like it's not "related" to a spiritual or close representation of something they have.
My goal have changed with art and it's nice I get rid of envy that used to tire me.
Thanks again for stopping by and reading my journal! Take care of yourself as well, and stay safe.