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The halfway mark
2 years ago
It is currently the 30th of November in my timezone, and I am about as close to the day of departure as I am removed from when I first announced it. I'm still a long way from being fully functional, but I'm proud of the improvements I've made in the past two weeks.
I'm making a serious effort to reduce my habit of masturbation. I'm keeping track of how often I do it, and most days I only do it once. I definitely feel much better overall on those days where I do it once versus the days when I succumb to the urge multiple times. It's clear to me that I was right about the long term negative impacts of my addiction.
I still have more progress to make, though, as I still have a habit of browsing furry porn just for the sake of it. I'll admit, I still love furries and their big butts, and I don't think that will ever change. But I need to be sure that I'm not just looking that stuff up on a whim, especially not when I'm in public. I mean jeez.
One interest I have fully given up on, however, is making my own porn, written, illustrated or even rendered. Shortly after I made last week's update journal, I started writing some lore about a MLP AU, thus bringing all of this full circle, centered around a draconequus OC who is to butts what Discord is to chaos. I pushed myself to complete the first draft of the lore, and I'm disappointed with the effect it had on me. I have added the document to the Dropbox archive if you're curious.
I'm also dropping my interest in learning 3D rendering. I'm not going to pursue my creative ambition if I want to use those talents exclusively for porn. That was the case with my attempts to learn the draw and use Blender- as substitutes for my inability to buy commissions at the pace and quality I desired. My interests were so highly specific that I didn't have the patience to absorb the essential tutorials and exercises for beginners.
I've put too much creative energy into pornography for the past decade, and I feel it's necessary for me to refocus on work-safe endeavours.
The past couple of weeks have reinforced my belief that reducing my consumption of porn will improve my quality of life, but I also realise that a complete exit from the fandom is unnecessarily drastic. I can't completely abandon those plans, though- I've seen so much improvement since making that decision, I fear I might slip back into old habits if I relented now.
I've taken on board the suggestion that I hand over the keys to my FA, as it were, and that's what I plan to do. I won't delete the account outright, but I also won't be using it after the deadline. I'll also keep my e6 account as a passive consumer- it's just too useful a website. All my other accounts on furry art sites are still set for deletion though. As much as I appreciate their merits, they are redundant at best.
Anyway, I have a couple of goals for this week, namely cleaning up my phone. I want to stop browsing porn in bed and make it something I actually have to get up for. I'll be logging out of websites that I have access to on my PC, clearing out my browser history, resetting my keyboard predictive text, all that stuff. By the end of this week I want to be able to hand my phone over to people without feeling paranoid.
I'll also be cleaning up my discord presence. I'm going to leave all NSFW servers except for my own, and unfriend people I'm only interacting with for porn. I'll probably keep a few close friends around, but my friend list is in dire need of pruning.
So that's my half-time report done. As always, here is a fresh invite link to my Discord server: https://discord.com/invite/uXutX2Ax
I'm also going to post direct links to my three archives.
Dropbox archive: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/fbz1.....tmtpw&dl=0
PC archive: https://drive.google.com/drive/fold.....iBru41_a1pJ8Vg
Phone archive: https://drive.google.com/drive/fold.....fvjDmlLa-p5MYk
Thank you again for all your support.
I'm making a serious effort to reduce my habit of masturbation. I'm keeping track of how often I do it, and most days I only do it once. I definitely feel much better overall on those days where I do it once versus the days when I succumb to the urge multiple times. It's clear to me that I was right about the long term negative impacts of my addiction.
I still have more progress to make, though, as I still have a habit of browsing furry porn just for the sake of it. I'll admit, I still love furries and their big butts, and I don't think that will ever change. But I need to be sure that I'm not just looking that stuff up on a whim, especially not when I'm in public. I mean jeez.
One interest I have fully given up on, however, is making my own porn, written, illustrated or even rendered. Shortly after I made last week's update journal, I started writing some lore about a MLP AU, thus bringing all of this full circle, centered around a draconequus OC who is to butts what Discord is to chaos. I pushed myself to complete the first draft of the lore, and I'm disappointed with the effect it had on me. I have added the document to the Dropbox archive if you're curious.
I'm also dropping my interest in learning 3D rendering. I'm not going to pursue my creative ambition if I want to use those talents exclusively for porn. That was the case with my attempts to learn the draw and use Blender- as substitutes for my inability to buy commissions at the pace and quality I desired. My interests were so highly specific that I didn't have the patience to absorb the essential tutorials and exercises for beginners.
I've put too much creative energy into pornography for the past decade, and I feel it's necessary for me to refocus on work-safe endeavours.
The past couple of weeks have reinforced my belief that reducing my consumption of porn will improve my quality of life, but I also realise that a complete exit from the fandom is unnecessarily drastic. I can't completely abandon those plans, though- I've seen so much improvement since making that decision, I fear I might slip back into old habits if I relented now.
I've taken on board the suggestion that I hand over the keys to my FA, as it were, and that's what I plan to do. I won't delete the account outright, but I also won't be using it after the deadline. I'll also keep my e6 account as a passive consumer- it's just too useful a website. All my other accounts on furry art sites are still set for deletion though. As much as I appreciate their merits, they are redundant at best.
Anyway, I have a couple of goals for this week, namely cleaning up my phone. I want to stop browsing porn in bed and make it something I actually have to get up for. I'll be logging out of websites that I have access to on my PC, clearing out my browser history, resetting my keyboard predictive text, all that stuff. By the end of this week I want to be able to hand my phone over to people without feeling paranoid.
I'll also be cleaning up my discord presence. I'm going to leave all NSFW servers except for my own, and unfriend people I'm only interacting with for porn. I'll probably keep a few close friends around, but my friend list is in dire need of pruning.
So that's my half-time report done. As always, here is a fresh invite link to my Discord server: https://discord.com/invite/uXutX2Ax
I'm also going to post direct links to my three archives.
Dropbox archive: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/fbz1.....tmtpw&dl=0
PC archive: https://drive.google.com/drive/fold.....iBru41_a1pJ8Vg
Phone archive: https://drive.google.com/drive/fold.....fvjDmlLa-p5MYk
Thank you again for all your support.
I'm curious if anything came of any of that and if there's any left over pencils or sketches of it.