Let's Talk, Shall We...
2 years ago
Hey folks. Happy New Year. I hope it brings peace and prosperity to you as much as it can.
I want to have a really frank talk about some things, and it might get a bit personal.
Over the past few years as I've settled into my almost-40s, I've found my life gradually getting more and more expensive. There are more vital expenses in my life that are just unavoidable, that I never had to deal with as a tiny diaper baby in her mid-20s. This has been creeping up on me and I haven't wanted to acknowledge it because it's depressing.
It's been many years now since I gave up doing regular commissions for income. The fact is, I was changing as a person, my interests were shifting, and I burnt out on drawing what people wanted to see from me, wanted to pay me for, HARD. I apologized and excused myself, then didn't draw for like a year. My passion had gone from a joy, to a job, to a hated chore.
My personality and my interests have continued to shift and change over time. I'm not the person I was in 2010, or even 2020. Even as this has happened, I've felt the... weight of my art from 10, 15 years ago pulling on me. The more time passes, the less that art is an accurate representation of what people can expect from me NOW. And it begins to feel like False Advertisement, just keeping the same name. So I made a decision. I would start publishing all my new art as "Animatronikki", a new name that feels like Me Now and doesn't feel connected to a lot of stuff I've lost interest in. Feels more representative of a lot of my output.
While a small core of dedicated fans and friends have followed me (to my Telegram Art Channel and to my BlueSky account), for which I am deeply grateful, it seems the vast majority of my audience has not taken to it. The subjects I draw now just don't have the same broad appeal. My ongoing stories I tell via my Tumblr blogs and via art I post on my channel don't seem to hook folks like my 2008-2016ish output. I have essentially chosen a path of vastly diminished audience, and that, too, is a depressing fact to acknowledge.
What this is all working up to is the realization that I may have to start doing commission work again to help pay for things. And I'm worried that advertising that solely through my Animatronikki accounts will not reach enough people to get the business. I haven't landed on a solid plan of action, but I am considering advertising commissions via places like this FA page, or even starting up a Ribnose account on BlueSky. In the past this has usually meant fielding a lot of commission requests for subjects I do not want to draw, and I don't relish that prospect, but I may not have much other choice. Business is business, and demand is what it is. There are only so many people out there who want an animatronic or a Sonic character, and there are vastly many more who would like a more traditional anthropomorphic character drawn, the sort people have come to associate with Ribnose as a name.
I'll say more in the future, and I'll let people know where I land on this, but for now I wanted to give a heads up about my potential plans, so people know I'm considering opening up for commissions here and hopefully drum up some interest.
Because I am *trash* at running commission work as a business, I do not have a handy-dandy Commission Info Sheet like artists tend to use these days. I may have to make one.
Thanks for your time and attention. I realize this comes off as very "woe is me" but I've been struggling with this, it truly is not easy to look back at my career as an artist and not know what I ought to do going forwards. I am doing my best! And thank you for your continued support. I couldn't do this without you.
I want to have a really frank talk about some things, and it might get a bit personal.
Over the past few years as I've settled into my almost-40s, I've found my life gradually getting more and more expensive. There are more vital expenses in my life that are just unavoidable, that I never had to deal with as a tiny diaper baby in her mid-20s. This has been creeping up on me and I haven't wanted to acknowledge it because it's depressing.
It's been many years now since I gave up doing regular commissions for income. The fact is, I was changing as a person, my interests were shifting, and I burnt out on drawing what people wanted to see from me, wanted to pay me for, HARD. I apologized and excused myself, then didn't draw for like a year. My passion had gone from a joy, to a job, to a hated chore.
My personality and my interests have continued to shift and change over time. I'm not the person I was in 2010, or even 2020. Even as this has happened, I've felt the... weight of my art from 10, 15 years ago pulling on me. The more time passes, the less that art is an accurate representation of what people can expect from me NOW. And it begins to feel like False Advertisement, just keeping the same name. So I made a decision. I would start publishing all my new art as "Animatronikki", a new name that feels like Me Now and doesn't feel connected to a lot of stuff I've lost interest in. Feels more representative of a lot of my output.
While a small core of dedicated fans and friends have followed me (to my Telegram Art Channel and to my BlueSky account), for which I am deeply grateful, it seems the vast majority of my audience has not taken to it. The subjects I draw now just don't have the same broad appeal. My ongoing stories I tell via my Tumblr blogs and via art I post on my channel don't seem to hook folks like my 2008-2016ish output. I have essentially chosen a path of vastly diminished audience, and that, too, is a depressing fact to acknowledge.
What this is all working up to is the realization that I may have to start doing commission work again to help pay for things. And I'm worried that advertising that solely through my Animatronikki accounts will not reach enough people to get the business. I haven't landed on a solid plan of action, but I am considering advertising commissions via places like this FA page, or even starting up a Ribnose account on BlueSky. In the past this has usually meant fielding a lot of commission requests for subjects I do not want to draw, and I don't relish that prospect, but I may not have much other choice. Business is business, and demand is what it is. There are only so many people out there who want an animatronic or a Sonic character, and there are vastly many more who would like a more traditional anthropomorphic character drawn, the sort people have come to associate with Ribnose as a name.
I'll say more in the future, and I'll let people know where I land on this, but for now I wanted to give a heads up about my potential plans, so people know I'm considering opening up for commissions here and hopefully drum up some interest.
Because I am *trash* at running commission work as a business, I do not have a handy-dandy Commission Info Sheet like artists tend to use these days. I may have to make one.
Thanks for your time and attention. I realize this comes off as very "woe is me" but I've been struggling with this, it truly is not easy to look back at my career as an artist and not know what I ought to do going forwards. I am doing my best! And thank you for your continued support. I couldn't do this without you.
FA+

I hope the financial situation can get alleviated with some commission stuff, but I also still hope you can continue to do what gives you passion nowadays.
Whatever you feel is right for you, please know you have my full support. Should you opt for an occasional commission, then I will be more than happy to send ideas your way.....if not then that is fine too.
Wishing you all the best for 2024. =^.^-
I hope you have abundant success. And if you happen to puzzle out prices, I hope they wind their way here.
The way you phrase this makes it sound a bit too much like I'm either bitterly, or obliviously, accusing people of disloyalty and absolving myself of any causal relationship from my actions or something like that. I don't like the way that characterizes me as a person; nobody owes me their attention, and audience retention is a complex beast with manifold factors. Even your conclusion is the same one I came to - that even though my feelings on it are complicated to say the least, FA may yet be the best place to reach my audience after all. So I'm not sure what's Hot about that Take, other than it doesn't seem to give me credit for framing this situation the way I have above.
Sidenote but I also don't know what is meant by "end-times depression is the new black", or how it factors in here.
As for the changes in your work, it's true that I'm sticking around out of something like loyalty rather than interest in the more recent animatronic thing. I guess I want to believe that most fans would hang on indefinitely, but it's unreasonable for me to imagine that I would be a rarity in not digging a drastic change in direction.
I'm not going to elaborate deeply on the last bit there, because I frankly shouldn't have made such a bleak statement. Just think of it as an observation that more people have less energy for mundane tasks these days.
I think I get what you mean a bit better - I know I sometimes feel fatigued by the landscape of the internet. I mean, you have the old gallery sites, you've got personal websites, multiple social media platforms shifting around, Patreon... so forth... It's like Zapp & Roger said. So Ruff, So Tuff, out here, baby.
In fact, his disappearance was one of the contributing factors to the huge decline in my work ethic and enthusiasm, since we'd discussed this particular story idea in great detail for years together before he finally paid me for it, and I was working on it just fine, only to suddenly notice he hadn't be responding to my messages. I'd write a little and send him the story in bits and pieces, you see, and he'd reply saying what he liked or didn't like and this allowed me to get input while still writing the story, allowing me to ensure he was getting exactly what he wanted or was otherwise pleased with how things were turning out.
But all of a sudden, he wasn't responding anymore. He didn't say what he liked or didn't like about the story, because he wasn't saying anything. My efforts to contact him on Discord only revealed he'd unfriended me, and since we didn't have any servers we shared, and he'd set his Discord to ignore messages from non-friends he wasn't in servers in, he functionally blocked me. None of my messages can get through to him. I've tried sending him friend requests but they've all either been ignored or denied (it's impossible to tell which). So here I sit with this halfway finished story, already paid for, and indeed liked by other people I've either shown it to or described to... and I'm not sure if I should finish it.
Yes, he paid for it, but he's gone, so who exactly is the story for anymore? Maybe if I can remember what his E-mail address is I can refund his ass, or I can say fuck it and finish the story on general principle, but for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of others as opposed to him despite the fact he paid for it. It's frustrating when someone pays you for something, and you're in the middle of doing it, when they vanish out of the blue and without explanation, leaving you, yes, fully paid, but unsure if you ought to finish the story and keep the money, finish the story but refund them, abandon the story and refund them, or abandon the story and not refund them. It's especially difficult to make a decision when others have expressed their own interest in seeing the story completed.
And in case you're wondering, no, he was not a stranger to me; not only had we discussed this specific scenario many times over the years, but he had in fact commissioned me twice before for stories I did in fact finish. So I have no idea why he'd pay me for a story and then disappear. So he's at least one reason I don't feel much like doing anything lately. Him bailing without explanation after I finally begin work on an idea we both loved and discussed for so long makes me feel like either he didn't really think it was that good of an idea to begin with, or that, despite his initial positive responses to the story's beginning parts, he didn't like how I was writing it. Neither of which fills me with much confidence as a writer.
I know this writing and not drawing, but creativity is creativity, and as my enthusiasm for writing dwindled, so did my enthusiasm for drawing.
The reason it's such an issue with me is it has happened in the past and in at least one instance, the last I heard of the guy (a friend from a Bucky O'Hare and the Toad Wars! forum, particularly the RP section, back when I still cared to regularly RP) was that he'd been hit by a car and had both arms broken. With no further information since then (and this was in '05 or '06 at the latest), I've been forced to conclude he was either killed or so badly injured he can't use his arms anymore. So naturally when people drop out of my life, especially if several of them all do it more or less at once around the same time, it's the cause of a lot of anxiety. Of course, I want to respect their privacy, their decision to disconnect, so to speak, but it doesn't prevent me from wishing they wouldn't.
And in this particular guy's case, I wish he'd waited until I'd finished the dang story, at least. With him, the main person who shared my passion for this idea, gone without explanation and the story only half finished, it killed me enthusiasm for it and it's taken me a while (and other people showing interest after I shared what I'd managed to write) to get me to finally start trying to continue it and finish it, however slowly and tepidly.
I do consider the story basically abandoned by him at this point until further notice, i.e., if and when he ever returns/starts replying to me again, although obviously I'm very much going to give him his space; after all, if I've learned one thing it's that when someone doesn't want to talk to you, the answer isn't to keep pestering them asking them why (which can be difficult because in my case, they rarely give a reason, they just vanish), but to back off and give them space and time so that if and when they do come back, they'll be more inclined to reconnect. Prior to learning this, I blew it really badly with a few different people, including one former boyfriend. He stopped talking to me and blocked me in some places but not others, despite the breakup being, from my perspective, amicable, and us even continuing as regular friends at least for a bit. I made the mistake of constantly hounding him for an answer as to what I'd done, and even using people as go-betweens (which was unfair to them) to try and find out what the hell the matter was, and, frankly, in the end, when I finally got an answer back from one of the go-betweens, I would've been better off not knowing, as frustrating as that would've been. Let's just say the breakup hadn't been as amicable as I'd thought, at least not from his point of view, and that the reason he quit talking to me despite promising we'd remain friends is because the behavior that led him to break up with me basically continued. From his point of view, I'd learned nothing, so he ditched me.
Though in my defense, since he lied to me about why he was breaking up with me, and did not tell me my behavior was a problem, I was never given a chance to improve myself and be a better person. For him or for myself. Which is a recurring theme with people who find some fault with me that's enough of an issue that they want to stop being my friend; they just quietly disengage. And the reason I hate this is, well, as I said, it doesn't address the problem and prevents me from even knowing there's one in the first place. Yes, I was wrong to hound him the way I did, and to involve other people the way I did, and I should've just let things lie... but I hate the "just disconnect" brand of conflict resolution because it doesn't actually resolve the conflict, it just shoves it aside and also prevents one side, namely me, from even realizing there's anything wrong in the first place. So despite the fact I bungled attempting to reconnect with this guy, I am still mad at him for never actually coming to me with his problems so we could at least try to resolve them... but many, many different friends and acquaintances have taken this route when deciding I was annoying, selfish, greedy or otherwise problematic.
And I guess I can understand it insofar as nobody wants an argument and they must feel it's best to just quietly disconnect, rather than confront me, which might result in a fight (after all, I do have a short temper), but I feel like it's selfish of them to do so because they're only taking their own need to be rid of a source of anxiety in their lives into account, not how I might feel when they one day just stop talking to me and disappear from my life. And in one case, not telling me I was being annoying and difficult to work with got me disinvited from a podcast because two of the three regular participants didn't like me but only told the third one who did like me, and he didn't tell me, either, evidently either to spare my feelings or because he felt that it wasn't his place to convey the private opinions of his two friends, but in any case none of it filtered back to me, and all I knew was that I stopped being invited to participate. I only found out the truth after finally confronting the main guy who was the host, and the only reason he told me was because the podcast was ending pretty much right afterwards, with no new episodes being done. It was shitty of them to do, and he picked a shitty time to tell me the truth. When it was too late for me to even try and be better at getting along with the others. But that's how people have always handled me; just shove me aside and try to forget about me.
But as mentioned, I've learned the hard way that regardless of how shitty and unfair it is to have people do this to me, it is unwise to pursue the matter, even when I feel I deserve an explanation (and regardless of whether I do or don't). It only makes this worse. So with regards to this guy who commissioned the story, I've sent him basically one final message showing that I've tentatively begun working on it again because of interest other than his, I have no intention of trying to contact him further as, as you say, by bailing when he did, despite the fact he paid, I don't feel like I owe him either a finished story or a refund (and, interestingly, he has not asked for one). If I finish the story, it'll be for myself and for others who have expressed interest in the idea.
Please continue going with your heart 🥰!
I also do agree with some other comments here, many people don't like to engage on multiple social media platforms, so you will not be able to bring everyone over from one place to another in any scenario. Maybe two FA accounts, one for your heart and passion, one for bread-winning / nostalgia might be an option.
I hope that you will be able to find a good way to continue with the artwork that you do have a passion for.
I wish you luck with things. And I hope that this new year will bring you good opportunities and good fortune.
I don't believe it would be healthy to draw subject matter you do not like as I feel it would demotivate further. I know that you might not be able to be picky with you draw in regards to money/bills.
You're the best <3.
I hope the money and art situation work out to help pay towards your expenses.