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2024
2 years ago
Happy new year! I hope everyone had a great holiday season. Here's to the new year bringing good tidings.
I would say my 2023 went pretty well, the year ended with an overall recap that amounted to more than the usual "meh," which is always a win, I think! And so I leapt headfirst into 2024 hoping to start getting the same (if not more) out of it, but... I think I maybe leapt in a little too eagerly.
[personal/serious stuff below]
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The one part of me which I have always been extremely ashamed about is my oral health. My overall health is pretty neglected in general, I think, but I spiral very quickly when I think about dental stuff specifically, especially because I know it's entirely my own fault for letting it deteriorate, and somehow on NYE I resolved to kick my own ass to get it addressed. I don't know what finally motivated me to take steps, maybe I was just coasting on that 2023 momentum, but I know things are bad and that I'm at a do-or-die age. And I guess I'm willing to latch another few (financial) ball-and-chains onto my ankles to get it under control... there's a few things that have been very effective at discouraging me from doing anything about this up until now, finances being one of them.
Anyway, I have an appointment set in the very near future and I've been in absolute shambles. I didn't realize just how anxious I could get, I've just had constant butterflies in my stomach and I'm just completely paralyzed by the prospect of extremely bad news. It feels like... I'm finished?? like I'm completely unlovable/unworthy if my mouth is in bad shape?? like I've disappointed people?? which is just so silly, what's done has been done and I can only move forward from here. Saying I have no value because my teeth are poor is like saying nobody likes me because I'm a little overweight. Or because I don't wear the right clothes. That's just not true, and I know that, but apparently I don't know know it.
I recognize I'm catastrophizing bad but I have no idea how to calm down from it. It's hard to when I'm in active pain and potentially more pain and bad news are on the horizon. And I have very few people to confide in because of the whole shame thing.
I guess my hope is that, once the worst of it passes-- diagnoses and treatment plans-- I can relax a little.
On a more positive note, I took a gamble on a new career path a few years ago and it unexpectedly paid off recently. So a lifestyle change is currently in the cards for me and aside from improving my oral health and unshackling one or two financial ball-and-chains, my big 2024 goal is to make it happen. I don't want to stagnate or, even worse, move backwards.
I probably sound a little sad-- and I am-- but I am also a little hopeful. Writing this has helped a bit, helps me not to get completely trapped in self-wallowing. I know I have options if I get financially cornered... commissions, gofundme, selling collector items...
Well. I do hope 2024 treats everyone well... all we can hope for is an okay year, right?
I would say my 2023 went pretty well, the year ended with an overall recap that amounted to more than the usual "meh," which is always a win, I think! And so I leapt headfirst into 2024 hoping to start getting the same (if not more) out of it, but... I think I maybe leapt in a little too eagerly.
[personal/serious stuff below]
.
.
.
.
.
The one part of me which I have always been extremely ashamed about is my oral health. My overall health is pretty neglected in general, I think, but I spiral very quickly when I think about dental stuff specifically, especially because I know it's entirely my own fault for letting it deteriorate, and somehow on NYE I resolved to kick my own ass to get it addressed. I don't know what finally motivated me to take steps, maybe I was just coasting on that 2023 momentum, but I know things are bad and that I'm at a do-or-die age. And I guess I'm willing to latch another few (financial) ball-and-chains onto my ankles to get it under control... there's a few things that have been very effective at discouraging me from doing anything about this up until now, finances being one of them.
Anyway, I have an appointment set in the very near future and I've been in absolute shambles. I didn't realize just how anxious I could get, I've just had constant butterflies in my stomach and I'm just completely paralyzed by the prospect of extremely bad news. It feels like... I'm finished?? like I'm completely unlovable/unworthy if my mouth is in bad shape?? like I've disappointed people?? which is just so silly, what's done has been done and I can only move forward from here. Saying I have no value because my teeth are poor is like saying nobody likes me because I'm a little overweight. Or because I don't wear the right clothes. That's just not true, and I know that, but apparently I don't know know it.
I recognize I'm catastrophizing bad but I have no idea how to calm down from it. It's hard to when I'm in active pain and potentially more pain and bad news are on the horizon. And I have very few people to confide in because of the whole shame thing.
I guess my hope is that, once the worst of it passes-- diagnoses and treatment plans-- I can relax a little.
On a more positive note, I took a gamble on a new career path a few years ago and it unexpectedly paid off recently. So a lifestyle change is currently in the cards for me and aside from improving my oral health and unshackling one or two financial ball-and-chains, my big 2024 goal is to make it happen. I don't want to stagnate or, even worse, move backwards.
I probably sound a little sad-- and I am-- but I am also a little hopeful. Writing this has helped a bit, helps me not to get completely trapped in self-wallowing. I know I have options if I get financially cornered... commissions, gofundme, selling collector items...
Well. I do hope 2024 treats everyone well... all we can hope for is an okay year, right?
But you can do it! And whatever the news is, you can do that, too! It probably won't even be that bad, really. I usually find that the not-knowing part is really the worst source of anxiety in these kinds of things. Once you know, it's not too hard to put together a plan, and having a more clear path really helps.
And even if all else fails, at the very least I'll still like you, no matter how bad they say your teeth are.
Here's to an okay 2024! :)
I can't shut up about things that bother me to this degree so I may have prompted some others to hit up their dentist, too, lol. 2024 for the year of healthy mouths?