It's been over 2 weeks now since my last major breakdown. I'm not feeling good but I've been stable this last week.

I keep thinking about that evening though. I made an absolute ass of myself in a furry Telegram group. Such a minor start that spiraled into a real mess. I lost control of myself and I still feel like shit for that. I've apologized to everyone involved except myself. I haven't forgiven myself yet. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable going back there. Even if everyone involved said they forgave me I'd still hate myself for that fuckup. And everyone who saw me acting that way will see that shadow of myself whenever I speak. I don't think I can face that.

I do think I've found a therapist I feel comfortable visiting. I hope they turn out to be a good fit for me. Finding mental health help has always been a terrifying and difficult experience for me. Here's to hoping I can keep making improvements I guess. And maybe eventually move past this. I know two weeks isn't a long time, but until I make changes and become a better person I don't think it really matters how much time has passed.