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A Few Personal Updates
a year ago
First, I want to put down on record here that these past few weeks have been extremely difficult for me. My mental health slipped fairly suddenly into the worst low I've had in nearly 7 years. The timing was atrocious because this slide began just after my last therapy appointment followed by a vacation which left me over 2 weeks out from my next appointment. The vacation itself was emotionally taxing because it included my grandfather (who is difficult to deal with on a good day) and took me out of country and into a fairly isolated semi-wilderness area. Then on my way home I caught COVID. In the interest of helping to break the ice on a topic that I wish was more openly discussed: I've been fairly suicidal these past two weeks. Thankfully I have a lot of amazing friends and the foresight to deprive myself of easy access to the highest risk means in my life. Very soon I hope to be seeing my therapist again as well as possibly a psychiatrist or neuropsychiatrist for an updated assessment of my condition and possible changes to my medication. Despite the intensity of the recent struggles I remain hopeful.
Second, and far less important, I've had a lot of people express their preference for me old pure-coyote self as opposed to the new hybrid design. I respect that, but also part of me wants to move on to something which better helps me express the complexity of my own sense of identity. I will NOT be retiring the old version of me in a dramatic fashion. There are good memories there, a lot of financial and emotional investment, and he is my only fursuit. But I don't intend to represent myself as that character in art and chats nearly as much going forward.
Thank you everyone for your continued patience. This has always been my most difficult fight and I wouldn't have made it this far alone. I'm looking forward to the future.
Second, and far less important, I've had a lot of people express their preference for me old pure-coyote self as opposed to the new hybrid design. I respect that, but also part of me wants to move on to something which better helps me express the complexity of my own sense of identity. I will NOT be retiring the old version of me in a dramatic fashion. There are good memories there, a lot of financial and emotional investment, and he is my only fursuit. But I don't intend to represent myself as that character in art and chats nearly as much going forward.
Thank you everyone for your continued patience. This has always been my most difficult fight and I wouldn't have made it this far alone. I'm looking forward to the future.
I've been not quite suicidal but I've had a time in life where I thought, who would be crying after me if I'm gone from this world, sometimes it were just my parents, sometimes it felt like the world for me.
We often think we're that person too much on this planet which isn't true, every person matters, every life matters, every living being is unique, so there's always someone crying after you, even if its mother earth herself. As much as we value life, we should value death as well, welcome him when time is ready but we shouldn't try to forcefully cling to father death.
What me helped was to set goals, raise my self esteem and be social. Cause in the end, we're all social or in need of attention, some less, some more. <3
And always remember, you're not worthless, you're unique <3
One of my friends died off of cancer last year which was also a fur. One just recently found their way in a deadly car crash, which we found out later to be suicide, which was a very hard shock for their friends as well as me. My beloved GSD was old, time had come, so we had to put her down to sweet relief and make her lose the burden and all the pain. In september she'll be gone for a year already and theres few days I'm not thinking about her.