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What's the point of living life
2 years ago
General
On the edge of a knife? © My favorite song is by Imminence. Reflects literally my state of mind
I'm sorry
I really want to apologize to you. My depression is progressing, I have no energy for anything at all. I can barely do everyday things. And can barely work, I'm kicking myself as hard as I can, but my speed has dropped. I'm so ashamed of it. I'm tired of this conveyor belt with no proper rest, I constantly need to be on the move to earn a little, pay off debts a little and feed the cats and dogs, no fun. And so it goes time after time after time. Taking orders and feeling incredibly ashamed that there is already a line. I'm ashamed to sit and whine, but I don't have the energy anymore. I'm sorry it takes me so long to give orders.
I often think, what is the point of my floundering, I will still be a homeless person who has no rights in our country. I dread to imagine when I need medical care but will be denied it. With the same debts, with no way to close them. The meaning of such a life... Every night I wonder if there's any point in going on. I have no energy at all, I don't understand why this happens, I want to be full of energy, joy, to radiate optimism, to spout ideas. But in the meantime, I'm a dull wimp who can hardly make herself do anything. I'm sorry.
But I want to apologize for being so slow to work and so slow to give orders. I'm sorry. I wanted to speak out, to apologize to those who are waiting. I need to talk it out. I feel really bad. I'm ashamed and scared to write this. I'm sorry again. I'm trying and I'm doing something.
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I really want to apologize to you. My depression is progressing, I have no energy for anything at all. I can barely do everyday things. And can barely work, I'm kicking myself as hard as I can, but my speed has dropped. I'm so ashamed of it. I'm tired of this conveyor belt with no proper rest, I constantly need to be on the move to earn a little, pay off debts a little and feed the cats and dogs, no fun. And so it goes time after time after time. Taking orders and feeling incredibly ashamed that there is already a line. I'm ashamed to sit and whine, but I don't have the energy anymore. I'm sorry it takes me so long to give orders.
I often think, what is the point of my floundering, I will still be a homeless person who has no rights in our country. I dread to imagine when I need medical care but will be denied it. With the same debts, with no way to close them. The meaning of such a life... Every night I wonder if there's any point in going on. I have no energy at all, I don't understand why this happens, I want to be full of energy, joy, to radiate optimism, to spout ideas. But in the meantime, I'm a dull wimp who can hardly make herself do anything. I'm sorry.
But I want to apologize for being so slow to work and so slow to give orders. I'm sorry. I wanted to speak out, to apologize to those who are waiting. I need to talk it out. I feel really bad. I'm ashamed and scared to write this. I'm sorry again. I'm trying and I'm doing something.
I'm sorry
Life can really throw its worst at some, and it looks like you’re getting a fair share of it. Don’t feel ashamed to admit this, it’s better to be honest and open than to keep it all in 🤍
Do not feel ashamed because you are struggling to keep up, take the time to focus on yourself so that you can work on it with a stable mind.
Those who appreciate your work will know it's worth it to wait.
Personally speaking, I look at the art you've made for me frequently, and it never ceases to make me smile, you've captured the essence of both myself and my partner in a way I've yet to find from another.
...so thank you, thank you so much. <3
Thanks
However long the wait might be, I can say with confidence that it is both worth the wait and worth the price tag.
In the world of today, we shouldn't be ashamed of when we're floundering, dealing with troubles. Of admitting when we're being overwhelmed. You can't find nor get help if you never look for it, never ask for it. Sometimes, it feels like that's the hardest to do. Feels like it takes the utmost courage to reach out for help.
Can't imagine it being easy, it's certainly never felt easy to me... But it feels like it should be, heh. An odd conundrum, that. And depression don't make it any easier, neither. An unwelcome guest that just keeps coming around, over and over again. Takes time to heal from, to drive away. For me, I draw strength in knowing that I'm still alive. As long as I'm alive, I've got a shot at makin' things better, at getting somewhere. That there's always tomorrow. And I draw strength from music.
As one of my latest favourite songs goes; try as we may we can never deny, we can get back up if we're still alive. The song is called Jee Veerey, by Bloodywood.
It ain't over until it's over, and that ain't until we're dead and gone. 'Till that day, all we can do is keep holding on, keep fighting. What else is there?
It's very hard to even listen to music nowadays. I have nothing to do, I have to feed the animals, I'm just afraid of not being able to get up one day.
Anyway, I'm sorry, and thank you from the bottom of my heart
I hope things get better
I'm a no one without even a slight bit of talent but I'm glad there are people like you that do.
I won't sit here and lie to you about some bright light at the end of a long dark tunnel.
Life is just dog shit sometimes ... but there are ALWAYS ups to every down.
Hang in there, you're worth it.
I also have no talent, no one in my family has ever done any creative work, I've been drawing for so long it's embarrassing to say, and I haven't achieved enough results like my peers. It's all about desire. It can be learned. All children draw in childhood, so it's in our blood - that's my theory. How much time you are willing to spend on it is the main question. And from the height of my experience I realize that the main thing is not to lose pleasure from the process and not to turn everything into a routine. So, if you want to draw - go ahead! Or to write music, the same thing, go ahead. We all learned to walk, we all fell down. Everything will work out.
Thank you