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Any social tips?
a year ago
Hello everyone! Sit down and listen up to what the kindest silver dragon has to say... Whenever I am with people, whether it is with my family, friends or strangers, I constantly struggle to be someone interesting, trying to follow the flow of trends and being worth to be spoken to. I've got people telling me that I feel like I'm shy, others disliked that I can cut their conversations by accident, some that feel like I'm not talkative or that I don't listen to them. And in some cases, I feel like I'm being avoided.
I have some mild disorders and I'm aware of that. If I've done anything wrong socially, please know that it's not intentional and I'm so sorry.
Sometimes, I even wonder if I've done things wrong whenever I've tried to communicate with people. And the reason is, I'm not even sure how I should communicate with them properly in the first place. For instance, if I meet furries that share some similar kinks, is it okay to talk about them? Should I refrain myself to be so kinky and act incorrectly? Should I not involve anything that can be taboo? Could it happen that I may befriend people for the wrong reasons? How should I approach things up?
The thing is, I'm so struggling with all this, I feel like I'm imprisoned in my mind. I always want to act properly, be close friends with people I admire, feel like I'm important to them and try to share interests and fun... but it's tough. It's so god damn tough. And I jam, I don't know what to do, I feel isolated. I don't want to say something wrong and they'll find me weird and avoid me, and at the same time, I don't want to be boring and talk about things of no importance.
I've been told to seek for help, and I was considering seeking a psychologist, maybe a sexologist too. But I just feel so unsure if I'm gonna talk about furries to them, if they would understand. Is there such thing as a furry psychologist? Someone that knows about furries, kinks and autism spectrums?
This is because, I'm gonna be honest, I'm feeling so terrible right now. Each day. I feel like the life is too hard for me, unable to seek love, get pleasure, reach my goals and have a clear mind. And the older I become, harder I feel it will be.
I have some mild disorders and I'm aware of that. If I've done anything wrong socially, please know that it's not intentional and I'm so sorry.
Sometimes, I even wonder if I've done things wrong whenever I've tried to communicate with people. And the reason is, I'm not even sure how I should communicate with them properly in the first place. For instance, if I meet furries that share some similar kinks, is it okay to talk about them? Should I refrain myself to be so kinky and act incorrectly? Should I not involve anything that can be taboo? Could it happen that I may befriend people for the wrong reasons? How should I approach things up?
The thing is, I'm so struggling with all this, I feel like I'm imprisoned in my mind. I always want to act properly, be close friends with people I admire, feel like I'm important to them and try to share interests and fun... but it's tough. It's so god damn tough. And I jam, I don't know what to do, I feel isolated. I don't want to say something wrong and they'll find me weird and avoid me, and at the same time, I don't want to be boring and talk about things of no importance.
I've been told to seek for help, and I was considering seeking a psychologist, maybe a sexologist too. But I just feel so unsure if I'm gonna talk about furries to them, if they would understand. Is there such thing as a furry psychologist? Someone that knows about furries, kinks and autism spectrums?
This is because, I'm gonna be honest, I'm feeling so terrible right now. Each day. I feel like the life is too hard for me, unable to seek love, get pleasure, reach my goals and have a clear mind. And the older I become, harder I feel it will be.
So I hope That this wall of text don't intimidate you, just try to read one paragraph or just a few sentences and take a break to think over about the talking points if you need to.
"Whenever I am with people, whether it is with my family, friends or strangers, I constantly struggle to be someone interesting, trying to follow the flow of trends and being worth to be spoken to. I've got people telling me that I feel like I'm shy, others disliked that I can cut their conversations by accident."
The thing you should do is after saying Hi after a few replies in a conversation, (either it would be real or online), is to point out that you have Asperger's. You could say something like. "Sorry if I seem awkward in conversations, I have Asperger's, but I'm working on it."
That alone give people future context on any potential mannerism that may be off putting for a person without Asperger.
If the person is unwilling to go easy on you or forgive you for any mistakes, then that person is just a jerk and not worth talking with. He would just bring you down anyways and have problems he refuse to work on that he's hiding.
I've chat with you before and I'm sorry if I have ever made you feel bad after awhile leaving a conversation, I tried to introduce topics but you seem to not want to talk much about it. I say this not to criticize you personally, but with an neutral academic tone, trying to point out attributes in our conversations.
I would try to put more details into your replies. (even if only slightly more details) or try to interject more of what you want to talk about
I would also try to work on just introducing topics you think the other person would be interested into. If it's online I wouldn't take too much worry in if the person does not reply right away, the person might be busy, if the person does not reply after atlease a few days I would question if the person cares about the conversation in general afterwards. But do keep in mind though if you reply something plain and simple like,
"The weather is sure nice!"
there isn't enough context to go on with the conversation so I wouldn't feel bad if the person does not reply with that, it's just that people use that as a cue/sign that it would be okay to leave the conversation as it is since that message would be hard to work with in a progressing conversation.
Also try to ping a person more often too. Like once a day at the most, but wait for a reply before the next text though. I would ask each person if it's to okay to do this if you want to be safe.
You can ping me on Telegram when ever you wish by the way.
The only reason we haven't chat with you since December is because I simply don't know what to say, Again I want to point out that I say this as not condemning you, but as a neutral explanation. I just feel that if I keep on commenting to you I would annoy you and the conversation would be artificial and stiff feeling even if we start chatting with only simple "Hi how are you?"s. Thus why I tend to wait till I feel that I have something of value to say to you.
"if I meet furries that share some similar kinks, is it okay to talk about them?"
It's okay to talk about kinks, but The tricky part is when to start asking about them or talking to the guy about eachother's kinks. I think with lewd stuffs its safer to let the other person introduce talking about lewd topics like that just to be safe. or ask after awhile if the guy would like to chat about lewd stuff in general.
You said you have Asperger's so if you want to be safe you can just let the other person introduce more touchy subjects, but make sure you point out when something bothers you. You don't want to be forced to talk about stuff you don't want to talk about either it be sfw or nsfw topics.
With real life interactions, Try to go to a calm and comforting meet up, like a art meet up, videogame/cards meet up, or any hobby you have. There's places that are calm and may have people who are like you would have the same challenges as you. It's key to go to places that share interests with you to make it easier on yourself.
Pretty much after this wall of text I hope you come with atlease feeling that you're a great person and with practice you can really make nice friends with lovely memories. No matter what age, it's never to late to make friends. Just attach emotion and passion to what you converse about and try to be more openly about your expression in a bit more detail. You went to college and have neat attributes about yourself so that will make it easier for you to use those attributes about yourself to chat with people. Again feel free to send a message to me when ever on Telegram or my DMs here on FA. Hope you have a lovely and nice day too.
God bless~