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Sorry for the extended absence: I'm struggling
2 years ago
General
Hey everyone, it's been a while! I realised I haven't uploaded anything here since last summer. There's honestly not much to upload anyways. But when I do draw, I'm more like to upload it to my other socials (links below).
I've been struggling bad with my health over the past years - physically and mentally. I've completely lost all motivation to produce art, and the bombardment of increasingly better AI works is not helping. There just doesn't seem to be much point in being an artist anymore, when a computer can do it better. I've always had low self-esteem around my art but I feel like the AI boom has just really been the final nail in the coffin. Aside from that, I am on such strong antidepressants that they've sucked all pleasure from anything, so I don't even draw for fun anymore. I've lost all interest in my other hobbies too. Health-wise, my CFS/ME has been so bad lately I've been sleeping most the time, my diabetes is still shit and my mental health is trash. Still on the waiting list for the ADHD clinic after 2 years.
And of course, I've also developed carpal tunnel syndrome in both wrists which is affecting not only art, but writing, gaming, crafting, anything which I love. So for the next 6 weeks I've been ordered to rest my hands and were support braces at night.
I'm just tired, I guess.
I don't know when I'll get back to art.
I'm trying to slowly better myself. I'm gonna try reduce my anti-depressants and see if it helps, and I'm gonna try improve my physical health. But at the same time I'm just so sick of fighting; against my health, my body and mind, against algorithms and AI and whatever else. Being an artist is impossible, especially a mediocre one like myself.
I might upload some of my newer stuff here, but commissions are still closed until further notice.
Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/noktivus
BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/noktivus.bsky.social
I've been struggling bad with my health over the past years - physically and mentally. I've completely lost all motivation to produce art, and the bombardment of increasingly better AI works is not helping. There just doesn't seem to be much point in being an artist anymore, when a computer can do it better. I've always had low self-esteem around my art but I feel like the AI boom has just really been the final nail in the coffin. Aside from that, I am on such strong antidepressants that they've sucked all pleasure from anything, so I don't even draw for fun anymore. I've lost all interest in my other hobbies too. Health-wise, my CFS/ME has been so bad lately I've been sleeping most the time, my diabetes is still shit and my mental health is trash. Still on the waiting list for the ADHD clinic after 2 years.
And of course, I've also developed carpal tunnel syndrome in both wrists which is affecting not only art, but writing, gaming, crafting, anything which I love. So for the next 6 weeks I've been ordered to rest my hands and were support braces at night.
I'm just tired, I guess.
I don't know when I'll get back to art.
I'm trying to slowly better myself. I'm gonna try reduce my anti-depressants and see if it helps, and I'm gonna try improve my physical health. But at the same time I'm just so sick of fighting; against my health, my body and mind, against algorithms and AI and whatever else. Being an artist is impossible, especially a mediocre one like myself.
I might upload some of my newer stuff here, but commissions are still closed until further notice.
Twitter/X: https://twitter.com/noktivus
BlueSky: https://bsky.app/profile/noktivus.bsky.social
I hope everything gets better. Take your time, take what you need to rest and recuperate, and even you're ready to hop back into whatever you wanna do, by all means.
So the best you can do? Good artists borrow, great artists steal and we are pirates - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8ju_10NkGY
When I see the shading or any detail that I find usable, I try to replicate it in my sketchbook or digitally. Might not look perfect but neither is AI art.
Still, take your time in healing, that is a long road. Being an artist in impossible, that's true, but you have something a machine cannot replicate: Years of experience and imagination and tons of references.
Love you
however, the point of art is to feel good. To have fun in creating something new from nothing. Depression really fucking sucks the joy out of everything and im not gonna try n convince you to just cheer up n keep drawing anyway. Instead I want to give you my sympathies and hope you one day find joy in art again, and until then I wish you the best in your health and recovery. Depression is one of the toughest opponents out there but I'm sure you can kick its ass n win that war given time. Good luck out there <3