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Nearly a year later
a year ago
It's probably about time I said something, huh?
Hey all. I'm alive.
It's been almost a year later with no content, and 9 months since my last journal. I felt it was maybe time I explained what's been going on in my world and why the content well has dried up completely.
[Life]
Last year I quit my job, thinking that doing so would have alleviated my issues of a lack of energy. While it did to a degree, and I expected to be in recovery mode for awhile, what I didn't expect was some life direction altering stuff. With some deep conversations with my doctor, therapist, and family, we all came to the conclusion that my ability to work a normal job like everyone else and support myself on my own strength was highly unlikely, and that continuing down the direction I have grown up knowing, and tried to power through all my life, is completely off the table. For the sake of my well being, we needed to pivot away to something else, cause what we've been trying the past decade or more has not been working, and this time it got really bad.
Then the question becomes... what the hell am I supposed to do? I'm still struggling with that part, and almost a year after quitting my job, my anxiety of getting back into a job in any capacity is higher than ever. It was no career or anything, but I at least thought I could handle a regular job. I'm having to come to terms with the fact I have to essentially start over and relearn a lot of what I've known for a large portion of my life...
So, that's been occupying a large part of my mental space during the time I've been away.
[Community]
In the meantime, and while I was still active, I tried connecting with some people here either through notes or through some Discord channels focused on car/tire stuff. Unfortunately, things weren't as enjoyable as I'd wanted. I had a hard time connecting to anyone. What few people I talked to I felt either disconnected from the conversation, or I simply wasn't able to have the kind of experience I'd hoped for. With a community that is so small, with a limited pool of content out there to enjoy... I started feeling isolated.
To make matters worse, I had a couple of experiences/realizations that put me off things overall. I won't be going into detail about what they were. If you feel you have to ask if it was your fault, it very likely wasn't.
All together... with my life being almost completely turned around, on top of feeling desensitized with the community... it really hasn't done anything good for my motivation. I'll get in the mood for maybe a day or two at most, the mood will pass, and it'll be gone for weeks or months on end. Whenever I try to capitalize on the brief moods I do manage to have, I end up just wanting to cycle through the content I've seen a dozen times already, let the mood dip, then move on to something that I am enjoying more with friends I can share it all with.
It's extremely unfortunate too because I have over 50 people Watching me on here, and over 300 favourites by many people since I started, and that tells me that my content is liked and wanted. The problem is getting past my own mental roadblocks.
[What's next?]
Honestly... it's just going to keep going like this until a spark happens and I feel motivated to make something. I want to make more content for you folks, I know I do deep inside. I'm just not sure when it's going to happen. I sincerely hope that you'll all stick around for when it eventually comes out. The fact I still have people out there that like my stuff is probably the only reason I haven't deactivated my account and moved on completely.
For that I can only say... thanks
Hey all. I'm alive.
It's been almost a year later with no content, and 9 months since my last journal. I felt it was maybe time I explained what's been going on in my world and why the content well has dried up completely.
[Life]
Last year I quit my job, thinking that doing so would have alleviated my issues of a lack of energy. While it did to a degree, and I expected to be in recovery mode for awhile, what I didn't expect was some life direction altering stuff. With some deep conversations with my doctor, therapist, and family, we all came to the conclusion that my ability to work a normal job like everyone else and support myself on my own strength was highly unlikely, and that continuing down the direction I have grown up knowing, and tried to power through all my life, is completely off the table. For the sake of my well being, we needed to pivot away to something else, cause what we've been trying the past decade or more has not been working, and this time it got really bad.
Then the question becomes... what the hell am I supposed to do? I'm still struggling with that part, and almost a year after quitting my job, my anxiety of getting back into a job in any capacity is higher than ever. It was no career or anything, but I at least thought I could handle a regular job. I'm having to come to terms with the fact I have to essentially start over and relearn a lot of what I've known for a large portion of my life...
So, that's been occupying a large part of my mental space during the time I've been away.
[Community]
In the meantime, and while I was still active, I tried connecting with some people here either through notes or through some Discord channels focused on car/tire stuff. Unfortunately, things weren't as enjoyable as I'd wanted. I had a hard time connecting to anyone. What few people I talked to I felt either disconnected from the conversation, or I simply wasn't able to have the kind of experience I'd hoped for. With a community that is so small, with a limited pool of content out there to enjoy... I started feeling isolated.
To make matters worse, I had a couple of experiences/realizations that put me off things overall. I won't be going into detail about what they were. If you feel you have to ask if it was your fault, it very likely wasn't.
All together... with my life being almost completely turned around, on top of feeling desensitized with the community... it really hasn't done anything good for my motivation. I'll get in the mood for maybe a day or two at most, the mood will pass, and it'll be gone for weeks or months on end. Whenever I try to capitalize on the brief moods I do manage to have, I end up just wanting to cycle through the content I've seen a dozen times already, let the mood dip, then move on to something that I am enjoying more with friends I can share it all with.
It's extremely unfortunate too because I have over 50 people Watching me on here, and over 300 favourites by many people since I started, and that tells me that my content is liked and wanted. The problem is getting past my own mental roadblocks.
[What's next?]
Honestly... it's just going to keep going like this until a spark happens and I feel motivated to make something. I want to make more content for you folks, I know I do deep inside. I'm just not sure when it's going to happen. I sincerely hope that you'll all stick around for when it eventually comes out. The fact I still have people out there that like my stuff is probably the only reason I haven't deactivated my account and moved on completely.
For that I can only say... thanks
As for the community side of this, I suggest maybe giving BluTheDerg 's server a try. I've been a part of it for the better part of 3 years and its really chill and there are a lot of people in there (Blu included) that adore tire popping and squishy tires. When or if you feel like joining a friendly community the door is open for you.
Take care of yourself <3