Good Evening My Stars,

I have been having an extremely hard time recently due to a couple factors. Growing up can be hard. Turning 30 and watching my life around me put some things in perspective. What I want, who I don't, what matters, and what isn't worth my time. I have said goodbyes and I have said some Hellos. I am battling very hard with some depression as of late. Nothing anyone can help with or had a part in. No one can touch my life like that anymore.

Shortly after my birthday, by a few days, my cat was rushed multiple times to multiple hospitals. He was given multiple shots and I even called in an emergency ultrasound. My service animal and long time companion was diagnosed with a terminal condition. He currently is reacting well to the medication, but he will never be out of danger. My vet said it is slowly killing him and all I can do is make him comfortable. I have had Apollo for 13 years and he's been with me through poverty, riches, homelessness, and my first home without an abuser.

He has been there for me when I had severe IBS and sleep apnea and he was here to welcome me home from my surgeries. He learned how to be a service animal by himself and was my angel since I got kicked out. He's even traveled with me to Latin America and I hope he will follow me to Denmark as well. My vet says he may have a year or so still in him. He's doing well currently and you would never know his struggle. He gets shots every Wednesday and is a medical diet.

My day to day job is doing insanely well but I am under a contract that restricts me from officially joining the team. My boss is so kind and helps me during my surgeries. I flew out and met him last October and he even took me to dinner when I had to wait 13 hours in the airport. He's coming here in a month and I am showing him around Peru.

I have my next surgery the moment he leaves Peru. I won't be able to use my upper body for a while. 2 weeks minimum. My goal is to finish my queue prior to going under and to get a few sketchpage adopts ready for my viewers to enjoy. I will not be taking any commissions or doing any YCH until July at earliest. Later this week I will be deleting all old YCH. If you are interested in one and aren't bothered by waiting, please let me know, otherwise it will be deleted, file and all.

The depression is getting in the way of my creating. I know I shouldn't be mourning someone who is still living, but I can't pass by the diagnosis and I can't stop asking my vet "am I prolonging his pain?". I would never want to be on life support or go through cancer treatment, so why should I ask my cat to go through it? I have been reassured that his quality of life is high right now and should not worry.

I thank everyone who is being patient with me including my ko-fi supporters. I pray every day that Apollo is there waiting for me when I come home from the hospital as he is my world. I don't have family or anyone else waiting for me. I am just hoping he can wait for me and long enough for me to heal and hug him again. As he lays with me now as I write this, I hope everyone can, including him, forgive me for my negligence and anger.

Death is inevitable. It's just not fair that he has such a short time with me.

Thank you for reading and understanding
Starlight

Oh...and? I love you.