not as deranged as it sounds at first but.. more n more over the last year , im getting increasingly disgusted and sick of my own appearance, my own damn voice.

sadly given my health has only gotten somewhat worse since the last attempt to even seek medical clearance in Michigan .. it's finally hitting i can give it a try down here in NC despite it being the near-deep south. publicly displaying being Trans much less Bi is almost a death sentence.

going to when i have a doctor appointment w/ my PCP tomorrow (Tuesday.) im going to see about beginning transitioning.. i look at it this way i have an increasingly shortening window to physically begin doing so as im reaching my 40's. and the fact i am a type 2 diabetic, i have heart and kidney issues, and im (SLOWLY) losing weight but still morbidly obese (310 lbs) its likley im going to be denied based on physical health conditions as *ATLEAST* in michigan most required you to be of sound mind ( HA as if im anywhere near sound to those that know me well.) AND sound body.. and its the " sound body " that i was denied every time.

and my mood when it comes to this just gets worse n worse about "Making the outside match the inside" everytime i have a dream that does just that, and even so much wanting to tell my remaining family. I know my brother will accept it ( albeit slowly not cause he's ass backwards , he's just been a lil slow to accept big change that fast.) and my mom's remaining side of the family is really conservative. so im.. more than likley going to be disowned. ( though its gonna be a smol shame as i just over the last 3 years after so many years, made clean w/ an aunt who consistantly clashed right up to my grandma (her mom) died in 2019)

Not going to lie what's pushed my mood to the final tipping point after over 3 years being in NC, was reading this in full, https://twitter.com/AyvieArt/status.....81775352099126