FA+
Shop
I need to explain myself.
15 years ago
It was about a few months back, my mother went to a gas station to meet up with a police officer. She needed him to call off their investigation on a moving company nearby, who had been firing onto our property, trespassing at one point even, and beyond that: Peppering our house, cars, and barns with birdshot. It was a repeat of dove hunting season last year: I was even getting shot at. Someone was even blowing up clay pigeons over our property.
Why call off the cops? She was threatened by a kid in a local gas station and she was worried about this van that was continuously driving back and forth around our ranch like the driver was scoping it out.
So she did it. The officer listened, I think. She got cigs while she was there, drove off, stopped at the light, went when she had a green light.
And then he ran her over.
Some bastard going over 80 miles an hour slammed the front of his Ford F150 into the side of my father's 1994 Dodge Ram. Just behind the driver's rear tire.
When I got there, my mother was in the median of a divided highway, the truck having spun 5 or 6 times without ever flipping over, the tool box having flown 15 to 20 feet in the air. She was dazed, hyperventilating, yet somehow otherwise alright. She was wearing her seatbelt. Thank god.
The other truck? All four wheels left the ground, the thing almost slamming into the gas station (Which would've been ironic, as I'll explain), avoiding it and crashing through a good hundred yards 0f heavy brush and trees after bashing it's way through a fence. It was incapacitated. The driver and passengers (?) weren't. The police officer that just met with my mother not a moment before ran his ass off through all that mesquite and grass to find it empty, save for empty and have empty bottles of gin & vodka they found inside.
A baker's dozen cop cars, K-9 units, and a fucking helicopter could not find any of them. The owner of the truck is older than my mother, even. A good late 60s to early 70s.
...My parents are still able to drive that Dodge Ram, somehow. If your ever in the market for a used truck and need something that can take abuse, a 1994 Dodge Ram 1500 is a good choice. My parents know that from experience.
She's still suffering back pain, having had two or three vertebrae broken from the accident. She's been out of her neckbrace for awhile and can move around, but needs someone to do the harder tasks around the house.
We got less than 3000 out of Allstate (The drunk's insurance provider) for damages done to the truck. If you want an auto insurance provider that'll treat the people you ran over like total dogshit, you now know who to go to.
We still don't know anything about who was driving that truck. All we know is common sense: A 70 year old, drunk and having just gone through a really major fucking accident cannot stand up right, let alone dodge the cops.
We don't know if by the time we reach a settlement that they (My parents) are even gonna be in the green, or can afford a new farm truck, or the medical bills.
We may be completely screwed after this is all done with.
...
This may not be my place to do so, but for all the pain and suffering and complications that this bastard has brought upon us, I cannot say he deserves the full scope of prison's complete and total molestation of the human mind, body, & soul. And beyond this, for what he has done unto my mother, I have forgiven him. We need what financial reparations we can get to rebuild our lives, sure, but beyond ensuring that he fully understands what he has done, admits it, feels guilt and comes out of all this a changed man for the better, I can not ask for anything more.
I don't want this man to suffer. I want him to redeem himself.
For me. For my family. For his own family. For society.
I have forgiven the kid so much like Dragoneer's nephew who stole my psp and constantly antagonized me.
I have forgiven the childhood bully who, just a little over a year ago, nearly choked me to death and threatened to bash my brains out with a hammer when I woke up.
I have forgiven my so called friends for not helping me, if for nothing else, than to save from having cops all over their property for a dead body. My dead body.
I have forgiven the possible pedophile that allowed psychopaths to harass me every single day in junior high. For even going so far as to set up fights between me and fellow students.
I have forgiven those kids for every last single thing they did to me, which went beyond tearing my property apart, or breaking my glasses, or stabbing me with pens, or thumbing my food. It went into every last conceivable means of antagonizing others.
I forgiven them all and the manager whose gas station was nearly destroyed. I forgive him for having used his power in the community to prevent an overpass from being built to replace the intersection my mother so nearly lost her life at. An overpass that could have potentially slowed down business for him over a good 6 months to a year. Had that overpass been built, the gas station manager would've never gotten so close to losing his business, and the many countless accidents (They happen every other day at this intersection) that happened before this one would've never happened. There could even be a few people still alive, today, if that overpass was built back then.
I have forgiven everyone who has ever committed a trespass against me, and beg of god for these wayward souls to see the error in their ways and find some means of redemption.
Even the pedophile staff member, who I told a former campus police officer about and begged of him to warn the school district's staff of (I couldn't allow myself to keep quiet about it. He may've done far more to others than he ever did to me).
I cannot say I can ever see too many people ever having the same painfully humanist streak as I do, but for me, I feel enlightened. I feel above those that have transgressed against me. I feel sorrow for them and whatever trauma they endured to have ended up such broken and twisted individuals.
What more can I hope for than to see these lost souls understand the error in their ways and seek redemption?
I am sorry to bother you with all this philosophy and religion. I merely needed to bring depth to my volition on the matter of crime & punishment. I have been wronged, but see no point in causing any more pain & suffering in this world. There is too much of it as it is and I can only wish for something more constructive.
Much as I thank you for reading this, I fear these admissions will haunt me.
Be a dear and be gentle about this, will you?
Why call off the cops? She was threatened by a kid in a local gas station and she was worried about this van that was continuously driving back and forth around our ranch like the driver was scoping it out.
So she did it. The officer listened, I think. She got cigs while she was there, drove off, stopped at the light, went when she had a green light.
And then he ran her over.
Some bastard going over 80 miles an hour slammed the front of his Ford F150 into the side of my father's 1994 Dodge Ram. Just behind the driver's rear tire.
When I got there, my mother was in the median of a divided highway, the truck having spun 5 or 6 times without ever flipping over, the tool box having flown 15 to 20 feet in the air. She was dazed, hyperventilating, yet somehow otherwise alright. She was wearing her seatbelt. Thank god.
The other truck? All four wheels left the ground, the thing almost slamming into the gas station (Which would've been ironic, as I'll explain), avoiding it and crashing through a good hundred yards 0f heavy brush and trees after bashing it's way through a fence. It was incapacitated. The driver and passengers (?) weren't. The police officer that just met with my mother not a moment before ran his ass off through all that mesquite and grass to find it empty, save for empty and have empty bottles of gin & vodka they found inside.
A baker's dozen cop cars, K-9 units, and a fucking helicopter could not find any of them. The owner of the truck is older than my mother, even. A good late 60s to early 70s.
...My parents are still able to drive that Dodge Ram, somehow. If your ever in the market for a used truck and need something that can take abuse, a 1994 Dodge Ram 1500 is a good choice. My parents know that from experience.
She's still suffering back pain, having had two or three vertebrae broken from the accident. She's been out of her neckbrace for awhile and can move around, but needs someone to do the harder tasks around the house.
We got less than 3000 out of Allstate (The drunk's insurance provider) for damages done to the truck. If you want an auto insurance provider that'll treat the people you ran over like total dogshit, you now know who to go to.
We still don't know anything about who was driving that truck. All we know is common sense: A 70 year old, drunk and having just gone through a really major fucking accident cannot stand up right, let alone dodge the cops.
We don't know if by the time we reach a settlement that they (My parents) are even gonna be in the green, or can afford a new farm truck, or the medical bills.
We may be completely screwed after this is all done with.
...
This may not be my place to do so, but for all the pain and suffering and complications that this bastard has brought upon us, I cannot say he deserves the full scope of prison's complete and total molestation of the human mind, body, & soul. And beyond this, for what he has done unto my mother, I have forgiven him. We need what financial reparations we can get to rebuild our lives, sure, but beyond ensuring that he fully understands what he has done, admits it, feels guilt and comes out of all this a changed man for the better, I can not ask for anything more.
I don't want this man to suffer. I want him to redeem himself.
For me. For my family. For his own family. For society.
I have forgiven the kid so much like Dragoneer's nephew who stole my psp and constantly antagonized me.
I have forgiven the childhood bully who, just a little over a year ago, nearly choked me to death and threatened to bash my brains out with a hammer when I woke up.
I have forgiven my so called friends for not helping me, if for nothing else, than to save from having cops all over their property for a dead body. My dead body.
I have forgiven the possible pedophile that allowed psychopaths to harass me every single day in junior high. For even going so far as to set up fights between me and fellow students.
I have forgiven those kids for every last single thing they did to me, which went beyond tearing my property apart, or breaking my glasses, or stabbing me with pens, or thumbing my food. It went into every last conceivable means of antagonizing others.
I forgiven them all and the manager whose gas station was nearly destroyed. I forgive him for having used his power in the community to prevent an overpass from being built to replace the intersection my mother so nearly lost her life at. An overpass that could have potentially slowed down business for him over a good 6 months to a year. Had that overpass been built, the gas station manager would've never gotten so close to losing his business, and the many countless accidents (They happen every other day at this intersection) that happened before this one would've never happened. There could even be a few people still alive, today, if that overpass was built back then.
I have forgiven everyone who has ever committed a trespass against me, and beg of god for these wayward souls to see the error in their ways and find some means of redemption.
Even the pedophile staff member, who I told a former campus police officer about and begged of him to warn the school district's staff of (I couldn't allow myself to keep quiet about it. He may've done far more to others than he ever did to me).
I cannot say I can ever see too many people ever having the same painfully humanist streak as I do, but for me, I feel enlightened. I feel above those that have transgressed against me. I feel sorrow for them and whatever trauma they endured to have ended up such broken and twisted individuals.
What more can I hope for than to see these lost souls understand the error in their ways and seek redemption?
I am sorry to bother you with all this philosophy and religion. I merely needed to bring depth to my volition on the matter of crime & punishment. I have been wronged, but see no point in causing any more pain & suffering in this world. There is too much of it as it is and I can only wish for something more constructive.
Much as I thank you for reading this, I fear these admissions will haunt me.
Be a dear and be gentle about this, will you?
Next time, chill out before entering into situations such as that, and you won't get such an intense reaction from people.
Regardless, I'd like to think I made this journal more for what few people are watching me than those coming over here from Dragoneer's journal.
And yeah, I did go off the deep end. I can't take it back, though.
"I have forgiven my so called friends for not helping me"... That doesn't sound like forgiveness. You are referring to them as lesser than they were before this incident ;)
Are you saying because you have forgiven the truck driver who nearly killed your mother, that society should as well? ... Allowing him to see no wrong in what he's done, as there were no consequences to his actions? Or are you saying you forgive him (in order to free your soul from taint) but still allow society to persue it, arresting him and doing the DUI and leaving the scene of an accident type stuff?
The trouble is, for your way to work (forgiveness, being the better man etc.) only works if everyone involved shares your views... Or am I wrong? (again, I'm being serious and not trying to provoke a 'sensational' reaction)
That said, I did not intend to come off sounding I was still pissed over the whole thing. I mean, it was a year ago. Its over with. Done. I could only be so justifiably resentful to everyone over what happened, and I honestly believe I've moved on and forgiven him for not doing anything at the time.
As for whoever drove that F150: I Have forgiven him, and wish to be there at his sentencing so that I / we may possibly convince the judge to have him on long-term parole and under psychiatric / psychological evaluation & treatment. I told this to my mother, and she can't but wonder how the hell she brought me up so well for me to turn out like this.
I highly doubt I could do anything to lesson his prison sentence, but I need to at least clear my own conscience and try at it.
My train of thought is far too bizarre for most anyone to agree with, I know. But I must do this, for myself and my mother as much for the drunkard I'm doing it for.
As for forgiving someone dumb enough to drive whilst drunk (and causing an accident where, thankfully, no-one was killed!) compared to someone actively drugging another person and then raping them seems a little odd...
I mean, a drunk guy (who has impaired judgement already) getting into a vehicle and driving it is more stupidity, whereas the drug and rape thing is a specifically malicious act (as you don't drug someone by accident and certainly don't screw them without their consent, whether conscious or not)... You still feel this is a thing to be forgiven, without much (anything?) in the way of reprimand?
Once again, I'm not being a dick (intentionally, at least!) but just trying to understand your method of reasoning :)
What the drunk did to my mother can't really be compared to what Dragoneer's Nephew did to that girl, no. It's not just odd, it's completely off. The closest thing I can compare to is nearly being killed twice in one night. That and having been solicited by a goof on Fremont street in Las Vegas when I was 8 or 9 (The sicko must've confused me with a street kid, which LV had lots of at the time). I gave him back the 20 bucks he handed me and told him I wasn't following, nothing more happened.
Even with those two events, I can't say the two can fully compare to that poor girl getting raped. I know better than that.
And I can't ask someone to be capable of forgiving something like this. A few former rape victims I've talked to, when asked, said they had somehow forgiven their attackers. A lot of others said it was impossible. Whatever decisions they came to, they came to on their own. I could never bring the subject up again, much less dare ask them to reconsider. I tend to think forgiving may help in the healing process in getting over something as violent as this, but that's an opinion that I can't back up with facts.
Regardless, I don't want either of the kids to suffer: the rape victim far more than the boy that drugged her.
Some form of punishment is needed, yes, and with no other real alternative, there will be hard prison time after Juve. I'd rather there be Juve until the age of 20 or so and him be put on a long term parole with psychiatric therapy, documents sealed when he got out, have some kind of chance at making reparations by contributing to society somehow. If there has to be prison, I'd rather it be short and in a minimum security county jail. Somewhere that fellow inmates would rather get out early than fuck some damned kid up.
I don't necessarily agree with your views but I can at least understand them a little better :) Plus it's nice that you've focused on the 'forgiveness' part of your religion rather taking on the "Sinners/other religions/atheists/gays/other cultures/whatever are evil and wrong and should burn in hell" stance which religions more often stand out for :)
I wouldn't want you as a Judge, but you'd make a good neighbour ;)
However, I also agree with Gabriel up there. You came off as a pompous asshole in Dragoneer's journal and that's why people came after you like they did. If you had displayed some civil manner towards the people wanting cold-blooded revenge, then they probably would've never replied because they would've had no comeback.
Your hearts in the right place, but your delivery needs a bit of work. You let your emotions take control and that's never a good thing.
Yes, it is religious, but at the same time, I have expanded beyond that foundation and built on it from the real world.
And however devout you are or not isn't something to worry over. Really, religion for me is just too personal a system of ethics and morals to compare.
All that is important is that what you believe in works for you. That is all.
Personally, I'm the kind of person who tends to his grudges the same way someone else would care for a garden. My spite is a great source of inspiration for me, and it's telling that my inner wellspring of vitriol doesn't come from any great source of trauma. I mean, compared to YOU at least, I've lead a life full of love and blessing, and yet my heart is the kind that savors the taste of a vendetta.
But I think it's just another way to deal with the inherent suffering involved with being alive. Your reaction to suffering seems to be absolution. I suppose I can be so petty because I have the benefit of living a life where all the slights against me are minor, where as you, geeze I'd ask the big man for a god damn refund. If I thought anything like a big man existed, anyway. To me it seems like life would be boring and lack purpose if I couldn't be a spiteful little jackass about stupid shit that doesn't matter.
Or maybe I'm just setting myself up for an ulcer :O
In any case, you've certainly got a more constructive outlook than plenty of people in your position could have. I respect your sense of justice, even though I prefer shadenfruade over mudita in my day to day dealings with those whom I share the burden of co-existence.
SHRUG. No one comes out of life unscathed.