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Crossroads
a year ago
This is gonna be a long one....bear with me please...
I've been horribly unproductive as of late. I've not been able to bring myself to get any sort of drawing done for this entire month. The drive has just totally evaporated, and it has gotten me into this sort of feedback loop where I get more and more depressed. The "you should be drawing now, you're not and you should feel bad loop" that becomes a deeper and deeper spial.
Some factors have been outside of my control. I went to that airshow in AZ, immediately after I got back I got stuck on those night shifts. What little energy and time I had during that, I spent playing games (I'm looking at you Helldivers). I was so wrecked every day I didnt even contemplate drawing anything.
But there have been some internal factors at play, some I've been dealing with for a long time now. The past couple years were rough. I did so much drawing because I simply had no choice. It went from a hobby to a source of income I depended on along with my job. Even with that I would barely get by and I really burned myself out. It became a job in and of itself, and it really lost the enjoyment I got out of it. After the move, and working at my current job and actually making a decent income, its been really hard to bring myself to draw now....even personal projects have been nearly impossible to work on....just got horribly burned out urf
Finally, other external factors have been at play. Honestly I've been quiet about it, seeing the spate of AI art out there, its like why do I bother? If someone can type in a few words and it farts out something that looks better then anything I could over come up with, why am I even trying? I've tried and tried over the years and no matter what I do, I feel like I'm never good enough. Why keep going with my crappy doodles when I never seem to get anywhere nor do I feel confident in my own abilities.
I've had so much on my mind lately, and I've not really had any moment of rest to be able to sit down and deal with them. April is going to be a busy month, both at work and outside of work. I get to help mom move again for the fourth time in as many years (and by help I mean do everything). I guess this only saving grace there is this time im in the same state....
But yeah....long story short. I haven't gotten anything done, I feel bad, and I wonder why I even bother any more and if it would be better just to throw in the towel and give up
I've been horribly unproductive as of late. I've not been able to bring myself to get any sort of drawing done for this entire month. The drive has just totally evaporated, and it has gotten me into this sort of feedback loop where I get more and more depressed. The "you should be drawing now, you're not and you should feel bad loop" that becomes a deeper and deeper spial.
Some factors have been outside of my control. I went to that airshow in AZ, immediately after I got back I got stuck on those night shifts. What little energy and time I had during that, I spent playing games (I'm looking at you Helldivers). I was so wrecked every day I didnt even contemplate drawing anything.
But there have been some internal factors at play, some I've been dealing with for a long time now. The past couple years were rough. I did so much drawing because I simply had no choice. It went from a hobby to a source of income I depended on along with my job. Even with that I would barely get by and I really burned myself out. It became a job in and of itself, and it really lost the enjoyment I got out of it. After the move, and working at my current job and actually making a decent income, its been really hard to bring myself to draw now....even personal projects have been nearly impossible to work on....just got horribly burned out urf
Finally, other external factors have been at play. Honestly I've been quiet about it, seeing the spate of AI art out there, its like why do I bother? If someone can type in a few words and it farts out something that looks better then anything I could over come up with, why am I even trying? I've tried and tried over the years and no matter what I do, I feel like I'm never good enough. Why keep going with my crappy doodles when I never seem to get anywhere nor do I feel confident in my own abilities.
I've had so much on my mind lately, and I've not really had any moment of rest to be able to sit down and deal with them. April is going to be a busy month, both at work and outside of work. I get to help mom move again for the fourth time in as many years (and by help I mean do everything). I guess this only saving grace there is this time im in the same state....
But yeah....long story short. I haven't gotten anything done, I feel bad, and I wonder why I even bother any more and if it would be better just to throw in the towel and give up
In that sense, have samoe early birthday cake from my end and best wishes for you to relax your mind some, Shinden. ^_^🎂
As for the AI woes, don't let that worry you. All it can do is churn out reproduced garbage that borders on outright theft most of the time. You have your own style and I for one rather enjoy it! So yeah, but all means take a break and rest up. Art will still be there whenever you feel like making some again. ^.==.^
Hang in there durf <3
That last picture I posted, I started 2 months ago. Very similar situation to yourself. No energy from a demanding job so the art drive flounders. Ai doesn't help, but at least it can't do art styles outside the Disney look from what I've seen. Means our personal styles don't really get touched, which is good!
Hopefully things improve for you with time.
In a very dark hour, a good friend once told me that the feelings we have will pass, and it will not happen overnight. The sun will shine again. Take time to heal, take what time you need, and know that all of us here support you in whatever you do.
You've been through a lot, and there's only so much you can handle right now. Do what you need and leave the rest for later.
Wishing you the best!
As for skills, and this is just my experience, when I was speedrunning games, I always found after returning from a break from a game that the rust would come off fairly quickly, and that coming back with fresh eyes and previous muscle memory and knowledge would allow me to play consistently better and advance further than if I had kept at the grind.
Take heart, chief.
If playing games has been what you find more appealing currently than forcing yourself to draw, then that is likely the best thing for you currently. When you've got a lot going on, productivity is always going to be affected, but this isn't a failure of any kind - you've always got to look after yourself as a priority.
Your artwork is always something to look forward to, and regardless of whether it's a fully drawn scene or a silly doodle, those have value that AI will never have because you made it yourself. Everyone here wants to see what you make and support you, that's why we're here with you.
So take the break from artwork if you need it. People don't take enough breaks, in all honesty. But there's no need to "throw in the towel"; your art skills, materials, and ideas don't have an expiry date and we'll all look forward to seeing what you draw whenever you're ready to return. Be well there Shinden!
Take the time you need to rest. Relax. We all have that one little spark that gets our imagination going to draw something. Even a small doodle can start that engine up
You’re an amazing artist, unique too. AI has nothing on ya. Keep your head up high.
Sorry if this isn’t much, just wanted give some encouragement and reassurance in a way.
2. Art burnout is incredibly common. Go look on Youtube and see dozens of different videos of artists that are in the same boat as you, and learn how they reignited their passion. This is a controversial opinion though, but the advice "do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life" is honestly 50/50 in my opinion. In that tying your income to your passion can often kill it as much as ignite. Now that you earn enough to not have to rely on your art to survive, maybe do some introspection and think why you wanted to draw in the first place. Maybe consider making art just for yourself for a bit?
As for the part about AI art, here's some reassuring words:
AI imagery will never hold the same values as a real person's art. For one, real art will always have communities to perpetuate it, and demand for it will never die. Even if art sites like this one are shut down, more will be erected in their place. This push for generative AI is just the latest tech-bro fad that will likely fizzle out just like NFTs did, because they don't care about art, they care about money.
Point two, no matter what style you try to define, AI images will always come out looking soulless and generic, because the model is often trained on and composites data scraped from all over the internet. Many great artists, like yourself, have a unique style that's more or less an extension of their personality. Self-expression is the best thing about being an artist, in my humble opinion.
Your work has a lovely charm to it, from the shapes you make to the energetic expressions you show, to the soft sheen your larger sizes get You've been an inspiration since I followed you all those years ago! Those are things that generators will never be able to copy.
Take some time and relax where you can; if you feel like picking up a pen to doodle, go for it! But don't feel forced to. We're with you every step of the way ^ ^
Rooting for you durfwurf
As for AI, as someone with an actual understanding of it under the hood, it's a fad. No one in the real world actually respects AI "art." It's prevalence everywhere is because corporate executives think that it's yet another way to increase profits and cut out actual working humans. In the real world though, no one respects or wants it in their lives. The people who hype AI "art" up are just corporate.shills or con men trying to get in while the iron is hot. We're already seeing governments move to restrict AI art from being used in any real commercial way, and eventually these AI companies will get what they deserve for stealing hard working artists works. It's a tower of cards, and it will come down someday. Hopefully sooner rather than later. If you want some assurance, these same executives were the ones hyping crypto, block chain, and NFTs as the future. See how well that went for them.
People will always respect you as an artist, I know I can speak for myself when I say I respect you and your work. Burnout is a nightmare but I do hope whatever you decide you can find yourself in a place where you feel the respect and love that your art inspires.
There will only ever be one Shindenwolf.
We're all rooting for you, and not just because you're our favorite artist who makes the funny balloon drawings. Everyone's wishing you the best because you've been the best for so long: A vocal and passionate community member, and a good friend to so many people.
And it's alright if you feel burnt out. If you need that break, you can take it.