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[April Fools] Seriously - why is Chai in jail?
a year ago
As you probably know if you follow me or are otherwise on my page, I get a lot of artwork done of a particular catboy in jail. Now, there's a lot of people who assume that this is just because of some sort of fetish I have or because I enjoy exploring that setting through a fictional character that represents me - and I've played into this interpretation a little bit. It's all just a bit of fun, right?
Well, I'm here to say that this interpretation is dead wrong, and what I post is actually very serious indeed. Chai the cat, has committed a serious crime, and I have a responsibility to show the world that he is being punished to the full extent of the law. I've never really talked about this because I was worried that people might genuinely be disgusted at the magnitude of his crimes, but I've been on here long enough that I feel I have a responsibility to share with you the full extent of his criminal behaviour.
On Sunday February 21st 2021, Chai was bored. Perhaps a little too bored, and he was in a sort of thrillseeking mood. We've all been there, y'know - sometimes we can have a bit of a slow day and we think how different our lives would be if we followed a criminal life, or something like that. Most of us have the good sense not to follow up on those thoughts, but not Chai. Little did he know that he was going to make a decision that would affect the rest of his life.
He had heard from some bad influences online that there was a way to obtain certain old video games for free. Without paying a single penny. Sure, you might need to find the right websites, but otherwise you can download whatever you want, no questions asked.
To you and me, that sounds a bit too good to be true, right? That's because this is called piracy, and it is a crime. Chai knew this - he had seen all the warnings on his DVDs - he knew piracy was as serious a crime as stealing a handbag, or a car. But the criminal life was simply too enticing for him.
So he had found on Bing a website that offered a download for the video game Star Fox Adventures for the Nintendo GameCube®, and another download that would let him play the ROM file. So he downloaded both, and happily watched the download progress in his browser tick up to 100%. 1%... 2%... 3%... etc... He had time to make himself a cup of tea, and came back as it was around 85%. Good. He was excited to play this old video game, that belonged to Nintendo®, and he wouldn't have paid anything. All it cost was a little tiny insignificant crime that nobody would ever know about.
That is, of course, until he heard the sound of combat boots rushing to his flat, and before he knew it, a squad of FBI agents had kicked his door off its hinges. They shot the catboy with a tranquiliser dart, cuffed him, and dragged him off to an armored van heading straight for jail.
Because of the severity of his crime, his trial was expediated to later that day, and the jury's verdict was unanimous - guilty. He was given the minimum sentence for a crime like this - a life sentence with no chance of parole, to be served in maximum security at all times.
I'm proud to announce that that's why he's in prison right now. But if you ask me, this punishment isn't cruel enough. Sure, life in prison may sound like the worst punishment anyone can face, but get this. In his cell, he's playing Star Fox Adventures right now. In fact, he has a prototype version of the Nintendo Switch 2® in there, and on it is a really fancy HD remake where you can play as Krystal the whole game. And you can change her outfit to make her barefoot. It's like he's not even been punished at all.
I hope that every time you see a cat or any other furry in jail, you remember this, and it should deter you from committing any crimes of your own. Thank you for reading. Have a safe and crime-free April 1st.
Well, I'm here to say that this interpretation is dead wrong, and what I post is actually very serious indeed. Chai the cat, has committed a serious crime, and I have a responsibility to show the world that he is being punished to the full extent of the law. I've never really talked about this because I was worried that people might genuinely be disgusted at the magnitude of his crimes, but I've been on here long enough that I feel I have a responsibility to share with you the full extent of his criminal behaviour.
On Sunday February 21st 2021, Chai was bored. Perhaps a little too bored, and he was in a sort of thrillseeking mood. We've all been there, y'know - sometimes we can have a bit of a slow day and we think how different our lives would be if we followed a criminal life, or something like that. Most of us have the good sense not to follow up on those thoughts, but not Chai. Little did he know that he was going to make a decision that would affect the rest of his life.
He had heard from some bad influences online that there was a way to obtain certain old video games for free. Without paying a single penny. Sure, you might need to find the right websites, but otherwise you can download whatever you want, no questions asked.
To you and me, that sounds a bit too good to be true, right? That's because this is called piracy, and it is a crime. Chai knew this - he had seen all the warnings on his DVDs - he knew piracy was as serious a crime as stealing a handbag, or a car. But the criminal life was simply too enticing for him.
So he had found on Bing a website that offered a download for the video game Star Fox Adventures for the Nintendo GameCube®, and another download that would let him play the ROM file. So he downloaded both, and happily watched the download progress in his browser tick up to 100%. 1%... 2%... 3%... etc... He had time to make himself a cup of tea, and came back as it was around 85%. Good. He was excited to play this old video game, that belonged to Nintendo®, and he wouldn't have paid anything. All it cost was a little tiny insignificant crime that nobody would ever know about.
That is, of course, until he heard the sound of combat boots rushing to his flat, and before he knew it, a squad of FBI agents had kicked his door off its hinges. They shot the catboy with a tranquiliser dart, cuffed him, and dragged him off to an armored van heading straight for jail.
Because of the severity of his crime, his trial was expediated to later that day, and the jury's verdict was unanimous - guilty. He was given the minimum sentence for a crime like this - a life sentence with no chance of parole, to be served in maximum security at all times.
I'm proud to announce that that's why he's in prison right now. But if you ask me, this punishment isn't cruel enough. Sure, life in prison may sound like the worst punishment anyone can face, but get this. In his cell, he's playing Star Fox Adventures right now. In fact, he has a prototype version of the Nintendo Switch 2® in there, and on it is a really fancy HD remake where you can play as Krystal the whole game. And you can change her outfit to make her barefoot. It's like he's not even been punished at all.
I hope that every time you see a cat or any other furry in jail, you remember this, and it should deter you from committing any crimes of your own. Thank you for reading. Have a safe and crime-free April 1st.
I didnt have any fancy emulators at the time, just a brand new GameCube console, no crime needing to be comitted
Of course, Sonnet downloaded Minecraft and has two life sentences but she's fighting the third one!